Rockslide
by LadyPorpoise
Summary: After an accident from a rockslide, life became much more challenging and difficult for the House of Elrond. Memories are recalled, a secret is revealed, and trying to remember what the word 'yes' is. It has happened before, and Elrohir managed to get on top of it. He will do so again.
1. Be Strong

_A/N_ _Disclaimer: I don't own anyone._

* * *

The rockslide really reached peoples' hearts, and for the select few that got caught in said rockslide. Elrond had his heart thrumming in his neck from the massive amount of anxiety and stress that came as a result. The wounds from the party either ranged from minor to severe; the severe had Elrond's primary attention. Sadly, not all of them could be saved, thus adding to the mix of emotions to the half-elf. Standing in the center of a circular room with two alcoves before him, Elrond finally got a chance to get himself under control before visiting three most important and precious victims of the accident.

Elrond's beloved progeny was also caught in the debris.

When that first reached his ears, or rather the ring he bore alerted him of the accident and who were caught under, Elrond about leapt out of his shoes and almost immediately ran to the stables. However, the helpful and rather useful Glorfindel kept the lord of Imladris from doing so, saying that he was needed to stay and prepare for the inevitable ugliness of medical work that was going to arrive. The Vanya did take some experienced healers with him, it would not be acceptable if he did not. But, the most experienced and renowned healer must save his strength and be able to get his mind set for the task in hand.

The trio sons of Elrond were conscious on arriving; however, the twins were most certainly in worse state than the adolescent Estel. The latter only got lightly buried, a lot of dust in his lungs, and a few scrapes and many bruises, since he reached a safe spot, but went back to find his siblings. Elladan, his horse fell over and he fell along with it when the stones broke loose, and heavy boulders broke and battered a decent number of bones. The left lower leg broke, the right shoulder dislocated, and the right arm twisted too far. As for Elrohir, his head got smashed by a rock, giving him a mild concussion, and his chest had much pressure from the weight of the giant stones. His right leg also pierced the skin and was shattered in one bone; it is questionable whether or not he will walk again.

The two surgeries were stressful and filled with tension, but the elves lived. A good many hours later, the twins were now resting under heavy-sedation in their own beds.

* * *

Elrond looked to his left to where his eldest lay, walking over into that alcove and saw the still and nearly white form of Elladan on the bed, and directly next to him was a healer monitoring his heartbeat and breathing. The elder twin's eyes flitted to and fro beneath their lids and Elrond quietly took a seat nearby and held the hand that was not swathed greatly in bandages and gauze.

"Elladan." The vale's lord called quietly; all he got was furrowed brows and a very silent whimper as the face was half in the pillow. Elrond also knew there was going to be a lot of pain involved, hence the numbing herbs used in the pastes and in the medicine used to sedate his children. Elrond squeezed the hand slightly and watched as Elladan carefully turned his face to the ceiling.

The twin's eyes continued moving, and Elladan issued another noise and struggled opening said eyes. It took a good long while for them to open even a small amount, but they ended up closing again. For a moment he sounded like an elfling when he weakly called out, "D…d-da…"

"I am here, íon nín." Elrond spoke again lowly. The other healer handed the Imladris lord a damp cloth and Elrond brushed it against Elladan's eyes and across his forehead.

Elladan clearly was not sure what was happening, though the expression that showed on his face showed relief. Again he rolled his head and this time to the wall. The elf's voice was croaky and whispery, and some words were not voiced out, "…m-mooove…"

"You will not be able to for a time, dear son…Relax." Elrond removed the bit of perspiration from Elladan's face and the two coherent healers were watching for any signs of nausea, and Elrond was the one to ask the question. "Do you feel ill, Elladan?"

Elladan did not answer; he instead tentatively opened his eyes again and tried so hard to keep them open, but they closed again. Still, he tried, and this time faced the two present, staring blearily and confusingly at both surroundings and people. "W…where am…? S'strange…"

"You are in Imladris, child, and in your own room." Elrond watched as Elladan lost focus again, and the father called him again, "Do you feel ill?"

Elladan thought about this through the fog and grog and weakly shook his head. "No…"

Elrond smiled, "Good, I do not think you would appreciate feeling like that now, considering what has happened recently." All of them may suffer from after effects from this…

Elladan just shook his head again, mumbling nonsense mostly, then fell quiet. Taking a peek, he cracked open one eye and ended up looking very strange. "W-wh…hands o'me…?" Unsuccessfully he shifted his less damaged arm to try and get the hands off, "Offff."

Elrond still held to said hand, "We have to monitor you for a while to avoid more unnecessary trouble that could follow." The half-elf looked to the other occupant present; she nodded, "So far nothing seems to be abnormal. All you need now is more rest."

Elladan lifted a brow as he watched as best he could, then shifted glazed looking eyes to his father. "Oters…?" He frowned, "Is'll feels wrong…"

Elrond brushed a hand over some dark hair off his poor son's face. "Estel and Elrohir are as well as they can be right now." He did not want to go broad at the moment and mention the fatalities. The Noldo smiled, "Yes, it must feel very wrong. It is not normal to be in such a state. But, I am not trying to squeeze some secrets out of you, yes?"

Elladan seemed to like shaking his head. "Nooo secrets…" He sighed, "Don' know what talkin' 'bout…" The hurt being thought some, "Yes, plenty secrets."

Elrond gave a humored snort and also shook his head. "I thought so. I want you to sleep the rest of this off, Elladan, I will go see the rest of your pack." The elf-lord stood and went to leave.

Elladan was not yet done though, "Ada?"

Elrond stopped and looked over. "Yes, íon nín?"

"W'need snow…"

Elrond lifted a brow, now slightly interested in where this may go. "Why do we need snow?"

Elladan looked very thoughtful about the topic. "Needs it for, for…fun…make tings cold…'ledding 'nd snow-fits…"

Elrond continued smiling. "Do you need snow for anything in particular?"

Again the younger elf thought but with a frown. "Water not g-good 'nough for…"

"Thirst." The third occupant finally spoke. "I am afraid we cannot get any snow-water at the moment, my lord. Will normal water suffice?"

Elladan gave a dark stare. "S'not good 'nough! Snooww…"

"Normal water will have to do, and there is no 'but's nor refusal in the matter." The healer looked to her lord. "I can manage his rants for a while, lord Elrond. I might hear something that you may want to later on."

Elrond nodded briefly. "If he finally settles down then let him be, we are not in any danger of anything at the moment."

* * *

The elf-lord eavesdropped a bit more on the argument brought by Elladan about snow before moving towards the opposing alcove, his mood instantly changing to something dourer since there were more surrounding the youngest twin. Elrohir had a greyish look about him as he lay nigh flat. The shock during the accident and then the shock from the amount of blood lost during the operation was the cause of this. Elves could only handle so much stress and damage to their body, so along with the question of being able to walk again, there is also whether or not he will live.

"He is awake, lord Elrond." One of the elves called quietly. "It may not be obvious, but we have been getting water into him."

Elrond wanted, _needed_ to see for himself and knelt by the head of the bed, again stroking some stray strands of dark and slightly silvery hair from his son's face. The breath was labored and he was most certainly in pain, but was unable to do much to inform the others. Not while the temporary paralysis lasted. Between each small swallow of water, the lips would mouth 'cold' and 'hurt' often. Elrond noticed the heated pads and briefly felt them, noting that they were beginning to become cold. Elrond made a small fist to not use Vilya, not so soon after using it already.

"These need to be reheated…and add some pain-killers to his water."

Close to instantly a couple occupants did to go do just that, leaving Elrond and two others left to monitor Elrohir. The latter began shaking slightly and a couple of blankets were further spread over the traumatically-injured elf. Elrond kept saying words of love and reassurances as he imparted strength and let his presence be known to his nearly unconscious son. The hand that was being held slowly folded over the slightly larger and Elrohir rested a bit easier.

The ones that left came back; after receiving the re-heated towels and pain-relief to the water, Elrohir was much more stable once these were applied. Elrond still remained for a long while yet until Elrohir was truly unconscious again. The elf-lord kissed the younger's forehead and stood up to leave.

'Do not take any turn for the worse while I am gone. Everyone will be devastated if we lost you.'

* * *

Quietly Elrond walked out of the twins' suite and entered in a room close to theirs and his, and lo Estel was sitting cross legged on his bed, holding tightly to a blanket and trembled. The child was most definitely shocked. Luckily he was only bruised and battered, and congested lungs.

"Suil, Estel." Elrond said as he entered.

Estel started hacking up a lung and using the cloth provided, let the foreign material leave his respiratory tract and onto the provided material. After that episode was dealt with, the adolescent looked up with big eyes. "A-a-ada…"

Elrond looked around briefly. "Where is the one I assigned to be with you?"

Estel blinked a few times. "H-he…a-asked if I w-would be alright. I-I am b-better, A-ada. Just…"

"Shaken, I know." Elrond said softly and examined his foster son. "That rockslide was something you should never need to experience…"

"N-nor any…anything l-like that."

Elrond listened to the human's breathing before standing straight again. "If you feel the need to cough, listen to your body…that will be the only way to get the dust out of there."

Estel only nodded and he bowed his head. Then he looked up again with big eyes, "W-what about…?"

Elrond smirked. "Elladan is awake and yammering away about whatever his fogged mind has to say. When I left he was about ready to argue about why snow is better than normal water." The elf-lord was pleased to see the amused look on Estel's face. "I hope he has finally settled down and is sleeping the rest of the medicine off."

Estel nodded, though he lost the smile and looked worried. "Elrohir…?"

Elrond sighed, "I know not, Estel…" Fear and despair crossed the human child's face. Instinctively Elrond drew him closer, since he knew Estel would not mind the comfort despite his age. "We have done what we can for Elrohir, Estel, and we will continue to try and make him as comfortable as possible. However, you need to be aware of the chance that he may not live through the shock induced by these recent events, or if he is to become crippled: fade."

Estel fought back the tears that threatened to fall but failed. "This is not fair, Ada." He choked, "Why did this have to happen? What did we do to deserve this? What did _they_ do?"

"You did nothing, Estel, and neither did your brothers." Elrond paused. "These things just…happen, and all we can do is try and make the best of the aftermath of it all."

"But why…"

"Do not focus on what or who to blame for this right now, Estel. For now, I would like you to try and manage this as best you are able to, and to be there for your siblings and help them cope with this." Elrond turned Estel's head to look up at him. "There are high chances that all who were part of the accident will end up having problems later on…For your sake at least, do not worry about anything and relax for a time. But, if that is not enough, then do it for your siblings. They may need more strong figures to help them get through this."

Estel again nodded. "I…I will try, ada, if for you and for Elladan and Elrohir."

Elrond gave an approving look. "That is all I can ask of you, my dear Hope." Elrond embraced the human adolescent before moving back. "I want you to try and sleep when you are feeling capable. However, if you are unable, then come find me and I will make something to help."

Estel crawled over to where the pillows were and where the covers could be pulled back. "Am I allowed to see Elladan and Elrohir tomorrow?"

"Elladan you can see…when he is more lucid. Elrohir I would wait a few days, just in case…" Elrond stopped midsentence, "Will you be alright alone?"

Estel nodded, "I will be…I am not a small toddler anymore."

The half-elf grinned. "I know, íon…You know where to find any of us should needs arise."

"Novaer, ada…"

Elrond said his goodnight before heading back to the twins' suite. There will be no possible way for him to sleep, even with a draught. He did not care if Glorfindel or Erestor will get on his heels for this, but this was serious, and by the stars he was not going to be missing anything.

* * *

 _A/N Let's say that if we look into the complexity of medical science and how our heroes would react naturally...they probably would be in loony bins from what they have experienced in their lives. Aragorn never fulfilling his destiny is one thing. As for elves, they have a limit too, and they are probably more subject to mental disorders because of the amount of trauma they could go through in their long lives. "The Skills of a Healer" by PeppyPower is a good piece for a bit more realistic healing in this fantasy and with some modern techniques to treat things._


	2. Elrohir's Future

_A/N_ _Credits to Lydwina Marie for her kind reviews and for giving me the nudge to continue this thing._

* * *

Alternating between seeing to other patients and the twins, Elrond by the next morning was about dead on his feet. Glorfindel and Erestor were nowhere nearby to scold him for his negligence, but the elf-lord _still_ did not care. At least a majority of the traumas were done and dealt with and the rest of the healers could manage without him.

Elrond sat with Elrohir first when he came, the younger elf had not moved from the position he was the night prior. Still Elrohir was a bit grey and needed the heated towels to keep warm. As for hydration, since the normal reflex dissipated as the elf slipped deeper into the dream world, was paused for the time being. The healers hoped that Elrohir would wake, or bear some semblance of consciousness in order to get the water in his body that it desperately needed. The fact that the peredhel survived the night brought hope, but it was a dangerous line between Mandos and life, and will remain so for a while yet.

"The blood loss will slow his healing down greatly than what will be normal…" Elrond spoke quietly to some healers that were still learning, "The best that can be done is get a lot of water into him, keep him warm, change the dressings daily, and every now and then move him in different positions to avoid sores and bruising, and to keep his muscles supple."

Elrond kept his eyes on Elrohir's face, wishing for some bit of movement. The eyes never moved, not even in dreams. The chances of extended unconsciousness Elrond knew was likely to happen, but he prayed and kept wishing it would not come to be. But there was nothing to be done. Besides, the extensive stress and hurt done to Elrohir's body probably only encouraged it. It gave a chance for his body to heal, that much was positive…

Elrond issued a couple more orders before giving off what little energy he could spare into Elrohir and then left that alcove. The elf-lord entered Elladan's den and sat in the now vacant chair. The elder twin was awake, only with his eyes closed. When the carved seat creaked slightly, so did the twin's eyes open partially. After a few moments of processing who it was, Elladan cracked a faint smile.

"How…how much _wine_ did you pour into me?" He asked quietly. Elladan's voice was slightly strained.

Elrond returned the smile. "None. Do you not remember the draught I gave you?"

The twin briefly licked the inside of his cheeks. "No…and I do not think I want to when it comes to taste." Elladan grimaced.

"Are you in pain?"

Elladan frowned then and looked at the swathed arm. "I…it burns. That or I cannot feel it at all."

It was Elrond's turn to frown and he stood up, leaning over to gently grasp said arm. "They wrapped it too tightly…" The peredhel murmured, "Unless you want to argue about snow-water again, brace yourself."

Elladan blinked rapidly, "Argue about _what_?" He did not bother asking about having relief. Better get it done and over with. "Why would I-" Even with tender and gentle hands, the blood rushing through his battered arm's veins left him gaping openly and silently.

"I am sorry, Elladan." Elrond said, loosening the wrappings enough so that they will keep things still, but not to the point of numbness. "Yes…you were wanting snow-water instead of the lukewarm we have here. In fact, I think you were arguing about it with Brannel when I left you…"

Elladan had the grace to blush. "…You cannot blame me for that. And, I think I had a point you know. Cold water is better."

"I will need to make arrangements for a cooling house for such needs." Elrond finished with retying the knot before looking at his son. "How does it feel now?"

"…it burns, but…not painful as long as I do not move it." Elladan looked beyond his father to his sibling's alcove, now looking quite worried and even afraid. The younger peredhel casted frantic eyes to the elder, "Elro...?"

Elrond looked grim and sat down again. "Elrohir is alive, if barely…" He bowed his head. "He may be in darkness for some days since there has been no response to anything we have done since last night."

Elladan just went white and sunk back into the large pillows. "But…he cannot survive for long like that! Not after-"

Elrond effectively cut Elladan off. "It was bound to happen eventually considering the nature of his hurts. We have done what we can, and will continue to do what is possible until he wakes up again." Elrond lifted a brow. "For now; like I have told Estel, you need to not stress yourself to the high stars, or else you will do harm to your own battered body."

Elladan again gaped but with his mouth closed. Eventually he looked down. "I am afraid, Adar…It is not fair, especially not to Elrohir or you. Or Estel…"

Elrond grasped the uninjured hand and squeezed it gently. "I am afraid too, my son…All we can do is hope, and pray."

Elladan nodded, then looked to the swathed arm again. "…this time there will be some lasting damage. Were muscles torn?"

"Stretched, but with proper care and careful movement nothing detrimental will result."

Elladan again nodded. His gaze drifted back to the other alcove; silence drifting through the air except for the occasional shuffle of movement from people or objects. "How do the others fair? What of Estel?"

Elrond looked also back to where Elrohir lay before answering the question. "They are well as can be. Some…passed." Elladan looked sad at that news and bowed his head. A minute of silence again happened before the elf-lord continued. "Estel was shaken, and his lungs are filled with dust…and you know of the bruises and scrapes that came with it."

Elladan took on a slightly distant look. "The poor boy will never want to go near cliffs or pass ways again…"

Elrond said nothing to affirm that, instead: "I said he can see you today after getting a chance to regain composure. However, if you desire peace for a little while more…"

"No…If Estel needs reassurance in the form of us, then let him come." Elladan still looked tired, "…I can stay awake for a while yet…"

"As you wish., my son." Elrond stood up. "Do not do anything strenuous over the course of the next two weeks; for the next few days you will be confined here until your broken bones firmly knit together."

Elladan simply nodded again. Once his father had left him be and again relatively silent, Elladan took the chance to doze for a few minutes until a fourteen-year-old came running in.

* * *

When Elrond informed him that Elladan is willing to see him, Estel was overblown by a big amount of relief, but also fear of what he might see. One thing that was made clear to the human was to keep as quiet as possible. At least he was not as congested as he was the night before, so the coughing fits were less frequent, but they came every now and then. Estel was still a bit shaken from the catastrophe, so as he walked down the hall clinging to a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, every sudden noise he about jumped out of his pants in response.

'Nothing is going to try and kill you here…' the human child thought to reassure himself. 'Only thing that can really kill you is yourself falling off a ledge…or Erestor's mountain hound…And of course Glorfindel's baubles.'

Estel quickened his steps and as silently as he could humanly manage without being near to panic, entered the twins' suite. Estel was trying hard not to look towards Elrohir's alcove or else he will most certainly go and sit with the younger twin, and then later be more unsettled and likely cry. So the mortal adolescent trotted to Elladan's in record time. The sound of the human's feet would not go unnoticed, injured or no.

Elladan opened his eyes and offered a reassuring smile to the youngster. "Did someone time that…?"

Estel shook his head rapidly. "No, but…I have been jumpy and…"

"Do not worry, brother, I have been a bit too with the noises across the way." The elf exhaled slowly.

Estel took in the bruises and patterned skin of his elven sibling; then to the badly hurt arm and broken leg resting on pillows. "C-could I…?"

"Just be careful not to jostle around. But, that is a talent of yours, yes?"

Estel in a flash was already on the bed and surprisingly with such speed, did not jostle much at all. Still he would not look to where Elrohir was, instead his gaze was fixed on the elder twin.

Elladan appeared worn and amazed from the adan's recent feat. For yet another period of time there was silence, each adopted sibling staring at each other. The elf was starting to lose the battle though, and his eyes began to drift shut. Of course, that was when Estel had to talk.

"Adar said that you were arguing about snow last night."

Elladan let a smile tug at his lips and answered with nonchalance in his tone. "I am sure I made excellent points why snow-water is better than normal water. It is…fresh, I think."

"What about…" Estel contemplated asking, but did so regardless. Maybe it will make them both feel better. "…dirty snow?"

Elladan's eyes opened again, immediately catching where the adan was going and lifted a brow,."Now, I know I cannot remember what happened, but I am very well sure I did _not_ talk about a particular kind of snow."

Estel just grinned. "Maybe…different colored?"

Elladan looked offended. "Now you and Adar are up against me? I see how it is now. Maybe he knows some secrets I accidently slipped while loopy, and shared them with you!"

The looks were maintained, yet Elladan eventually broke out a bigger smile than he had since coming back to Rivendell and laughed lightly. Estel also giggled, but the humor eventually left and it was quiet. Elladan looked off to the left where Elrohir was and was close to drifting again. Estel just played with the sheets absently until he got the courage to ask.

"Elrohir…? How…A-adar said he may not…"

"I know, Estel." Elladan looked downtrodden emotionally, "The chances are very high at this point…"

Estel expressed fear and concern for both his elven brothers. With a frown, the fourteen-year-old prodded. "Will…would you be able to cope with the loss?"

Elladan rolled his head to face the wall. "I doubt I would cope at all with Elrohir's passing. With the state he is now, I need to start letting go…"

Estel blinked a few times. He took a breath in and continued. "Elrohir is still alive though, right?"

"Yes."

"So there is still a chance he will live. I know that for certain because the best healers are found in our home, Elladan. Maybe you can join them when you are well enough again."

Elladan took this in slowly and gave a smile, though it was not genuine. "You live up to your name, Estel…it will help many of us through these trials."

The human beamed and looked to be very happy to have brought some hope back to his brother. But deep down, Elladan was still despairing for what could come-which did involve a secret that only Estel was unaware of.

* * *

Elrond was standing and half pacing before the hearth in his chambers. Still he was basically dead on his feet. He just could not settle down.

"Mellon…"

The half-elf turned sharply at the voice and saw Glorfindel leaning against the post by the door. He was wearing that strange and ridiculous looking circlet, which Glorfindel years ago called it "the bird of paradise adorner" or something along that line. The Vanya carefully studied the lord of Imladris before frowning.

"What is it, Glorfindel?" Elrond ended up asking sharply and groaned afterwards in regret.

"What are you contemplating, Eärendilion?"

"I know not anymore…" Elrond grounded out and started pacing again. "I think of the Vale, I think of the recent traumas and how much I can do for them, I think of my children. I think…"

"You are worrying over Elrohir's future, are you not?" Glorfindel prodded softly.

The half-elf stopped, and with reluctance nodded. "Yes…"

Glorfindel looked forlorn then, a very foreign emotion for the Vanya. "Then I am here to tell you that it looks bleak."

"What do you mean? Has something happened?" Elrond looked afraid again.

The gold-haired shook his head. "You did not let me finish…No, nothing has changed, or else a healer would be running for you right now."

"Then what is it?" Elrond asked lamely.

Glorfindel was not quick to answer, finding interest to the stone carved floor for a minute. The balrog-slayer released a held breath. "Brains can only take so much, elven or not. What I am saying…Mellon, Elrohir may never come back to us."

Elrond knew that was a possibility, one that he was not willing to accept. Not after Celebrían and Elros… "I know." He stated as a matter of fact.

Glorfindel again gauged Elrond, searching. Elrond likely did not know, one possibility that he was not willing to accept. He will ask later. "Please take some rest, my lord. My colleague and I will manage things in the meantime."

Elrond said nothing but waved a hand in dismissal. Glorfindel bowed his head briefly while making sure Elrond did what was requested. Said request was in the process of being fulfilled, and the Vanya left. The lord of Imladris just about flopped on the bed and was asleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

 _A/N Has anyone else noticed that the paragraphs/spaces (especially dialogue) bunch up together a lot more than they did before when you upload it to the doc manager?_


	3. Awake, but not Aware

The next few days had little happening except the adjusting to normal life for recent releases from the healing ward, silent worry and prayer for those who suffered more, and continuing tension for five people. Elrohir still had not even twitched since that first night, the only movements were done by other people. Healing, his leg was mending slowly, but the signs were there, as were the scrapes slowly scabbing. Elrohir's breathing had also eased to a normal and easy pattern, which was a blessing. The greyness was slowly fading also, yet that did not show any encouragement that Elrohir was any closer to surfacing to the land of life.

Elrond was reaching his limit, now becoming himself a bit grey and old looking from grief, in response to, in his mind, an inevitable. Estel was still hopeful, yet that was slowly dissipating as the days went by. Elladan, he was mending as an elf should, for most of the minor bruises and wounds had disappeared, and with aid he could walk a little bit, but was not to put much pressure on his leg, and still could not use his right arm. But emotionally, he was as low as his father. Erestor, though he was not often present, grieved silently for his lord and his family, and for the bright mind he had helped refine in Elrohir's youth.

As for Glorfindel…

Yes, the Vanya was sad and concerned for the ones who endured this trial, yet he did not outwardly express it often, and strangely enough coped with it rather well. Time spent in Mandos must have done it. Glorfindel would often be working near Elrohir, by permission of the others of course. For whatever reason, the Vanya would not say: only continuing with paper-work and occasionally observing the comatose elf from time to time.

Two weeks since the accident, however…

* * *

"Adar, please allow me to be with my twin? There are not many healers surrounding him now..."

Elrond was lounging on one of the couches that were in the center room, disconnected from a lot of things. At this point he was waiting for the news that Elrohir had passed. They did all was possible, and even prevented infection happening…The ring would be useless, for it cannot unravel the depths of one's mind when so deeply gone. Even then, no one knew how the mind worked anyway.

Elrond noticed that Elladan did not finish his question, and the half-elf's older son was looking down in shame and sadness. Both Elladan and Estel were on different lounging seats. Estel was listening to the birds chirp away outside and the breeze whistling softly through the trees. Glorfindel was yet again hiding somewhere in Elrohir's alcove.

"Why has he not woken up yet?" Estel questioned again, this time with more grief than before. "Elves recover faster, and his wounds are not at the healing stages they should be."

"Blood loss can cause many hindering factors…" Elrond responded tiredly. He was not feeling kind as summer right now.

Estel looked at his foster father and then his brother, who was beginning to drift again. "There is more to it though."

At this Elladan was awake. The peredhel expressed the dour mood, yet with thought at the adan's statement. Looking to his father, Elladan sought an answer. And Elrond provided it.

"You have the right to tell Estel, if you desire to."

Elladan gazed at nothing; Estel throwing a look of inquiry. The former sighed. "Yes, there is more to it that may be why Elrohir is not waking up. Many years ago-"

"My lord! Lord Elrohir is weeping!"

Three heads snapped up at this; Elrond instantly on his feet and entering the alcove. Glorfindel was sitting in a corner with a transportable scribe table. The elf in possession of the object looked at the still body of Elrohir, who was positioned on his side and facing the main chamber, with calm.

Elrond was at the head of the bed and knelt down to get a better look. Indeed, tear streaks covered Elrohir's face, yet there was no sign of distress or any emotion for that matter. Lifting an eyelid, the silver orb beneath was staring at nothing, but responded to light normally. Elrond let out a disappointed sigh.

"I do not know why he weeps, but let us try and get some herbs in him." He jerked his head towards the attendee and she went out. The lord of Imladris looked up at Glorfindel, who still looked eerily calm. This seemed to annoy the peredhel. "Help me get Elrohir on his back, please."

Glorfindel said nothing; he set aside the table and arose to assist his lord in the requested task. Elladan and Estel were still sitting in the main chamber, now with renewed sadness that nothing changed. But why would a deeply unaware person be weeping…?

In the process of turning Elrohir over, Elrond felt a few spasms in reaction to pain coming from the body. This sent his heart both stopping and leaping. Hope and fatherly concern reflected on his face. Elrond looked to Glorfindel and was confused by the lack of change of expression.

"He is not that deep under now, if there are pain responses." The Vanya said neutrally.

The two outside looked on with anticipation; Elrond was just dumbfounded in the mix of emotion with Glorfindel. Elrohir was on his back again, and about the same time also the healer was back with medicinal water. She sensed the desire to be left alone, and acquiesced to her lord's wish after handing him the cup.

"Elrohir, this will help with any hurt you are feeling." The elf-lord said and raised the wounded's head up slightly so he would not choke. Nigh immediately after some of the liquid entered Elrohir's mouth, his eyes partially opened. Elrond about lost hold of the container in euphoria, and grinned. The peredhel did not notice that Estel had slowly made his way to the archway.

"Íon, you do not know how well it is to see you awake." Nothing. Elrohir did not even appear to have heard his sire's words: his face set into a neutral and dull look. The only thing that was different, and if not a bit abnormal, was the continuous swallowing long after Elrond had administered the medicine. The younger twin's eyes were set onto something also, that being the edge of a nearby window.

"Adar?" Estel asked tentatively. Elladan behind him was getting restless, and was very much wishing he could get up and move to the crowd right now.

"A moment, Estel." Elrond said tersely. He continued watching the younger twin, who by now had stopped the swallowing motion, now only staring at the archway lifelessly, "Elrohir, look at me, please." Still nothing. Panic was slowly beginning to build up at this. Please, let it not be this way. The peredhel's voice grew a bit sharper. "Elrohir?" Another faint spasm and Elrond turned to see Glorfindel's hand near the area where the bone pierced the skin. The elf-lord's eyes lit up with anger.

"That was deliberate, my lord." Glorfindel said coolly. "Look, he does not even show any sign of acknowledgement to it beyond a natural body response."

Estel spoke again, now sounding scared. "A-adar, lord G-glorfindel, what is-"

"Please sit with Elladan and keep him sitting," Glorfindel answered quickly, moving to obscure Elrohir from view.

Elrond indeed looked when Glorfindel said to; he even began rubbing along Elrohir's collarbone. Still Elrohir just stared with indifference to the pain he was most certainly feeling.

Glorfindel just looked with grave calmness to the whole scene, eyes becoming slightly glassy regardless. Elrond did not need to continue this, for it was quite obvious, but the gold-haired did nothing, and bowed his head.

Elrond carefully moved Elrohir's head so that he faced the ceiling, then using his index finger put it in front of Elrohir's line of sight. The eyes caught on the moving object; this gave Elrond some hope, but when he moved it beyond perception, the younger twin was yet again staring at nothing.

Elrond bit his lower lip and his shoulders sagged. It was pointless to continue, yet he asked anyway, voice filled with slipping emotion. "Elrohir, blink for me?" It was obvious that he did not expect any response, and no response was all he received.

Quiet descended. Grieving and mourning in the alcove, while anxious in the center rom. The elven lords just looked at each other, silently communicating it seemed. Elrond gave a sigh and stood up finally, and stood at the archway.

The elder twin and the young adan stared at their father anxiously; yet again it was Estel who spoke. "What has happened? Elrohir, he was awake…"

Elrond shook his head tiredly. "Awake, yes…" he stopped. "But he is not aware anymore."


	4. Explanations

They sat stunned at this. Elrond said nothing else and simply left the suite altogether with sad resignation. Elladan sat gaping and in disbelief; Estel was confounded. They noticed Glorfindel was still with Elrohir.

"Get me up." Elladan finally said.

Estel blinked, "But Glorfindel said-"

"I can hear both of you," aforementioned elf interrupted. "No, you are staying where you are Elladan. I will be out in a moment."

"But he should not be left alone."

"Elrohir will not even notice; nor would he care right now."

Estel again blinked and watched as Elladan slumped in submission. He heard the barely audible footsteps of the golden-elf and said elf stood before his lord's aware progeny, still startlingly calm despite the situation.

"I don't…I don't understand what is wrong." Estel said quietly. "Elrohir was looking…"

"Moving objects, but nothing else." Glorfindel glanced to the older twin who continued to be submissive, then back to Estel.

The adan lifted his eyes up to the balrog-slayer. "Then what? He is an elf, and should not be so-"

"We are not full elves." Elladan interrupted sadly. "…We have not chosen yet."

Estel stared with more confusion. "That does not mean a lot though. You are more elf than man anyway."

"Glorfindel, may I return to my bed for some peace?" The twin plead to his mentor. "This…this is too much to take in right now…"

The balrog-slayer nodded and moved to help Elladan in this request. Estel ended up staring again while the two elves did their own thing. The adan deftly made his way over to Elrohir who was continuing to lay listlessly staring off into space. Estel took the sight in. The younger twin was only doing thus: Staring, blinking, and breathing. That was all there was. Biting his lower lip, Estel placed a hand on the motionless elf's shoulder.

"Ro, this is not funny, whatever it is you are doing. Please, please move if you can hear me?" Nothing. Desperate, Estel pinched some skin and was hopeful for a response. Disappointment was all he got.

"Estel…"

The adan looked over his shoulder to see the Vanya standing there watching. Still clinging to one argument: "Elrohir is an elf…this is not supposed to happen!"

Glorfindel said naught. He inched his way over to his corner and chair and sat. The seneschal let some time pass before he broke the silence. "You know Elrohir is more reserved and shyer than his twin."

Estel nodded, "Yes…maybe there are some moments where he seems to draw a blank or takes longer to respond. I always think he is just thinking things over."

"You are not wrong. But what if I tell you it was because of a head injury, and before he was about as springy and lively as Elladan?"

Estel started gaping again. His mind could not wrap around the number of things that could happen in an elf's life. "But he seemed so normal…"

Glorfindel leaned back in his seat and looked outside to the trees. "Elves are able to cover things very well, as you know. It took some time after the initial incident before Elrohir was able to really live normally…and bear arms." The Vanya looked to be reflecting those times.

Estel drifted back to Elrohir. "But what does that have to do with…now?"

"The damage hampered the ability to process and interpret things at a normal rate, thus the cause to the small change to his personality…it is more sensitive to harm than normal. With the shock and blood loss combined with this past hurt, well…this is the result."

Estel watched mutely and waved a hand in front of Elrohir's face. The eyes tracked the hand slowly, unable to truly catch on with the movement. If the elf was aware, he probably would be dizzy. Estel sadly observed, it was almost like watching a newborn, except without movement or response to anything. "How…how long will this last?"

Glorfindel also watched the movement. "Elrohir is strong…this may last for a little under a month. That could be likely considering the elven blood."

Estel lifted a brow. "My lord, have you…?" The question was left hanging.

The Vanya pressed his lips into a thin line and did not answer, rather he stood up and grasped Estel's shoulder to lead him away. "I need to speak to your father and send a couple healers to be with your brothers." Glorfindel stopped speaking as they headed to the way out. Estel shrugged the hand off and stared at the tall ellon. The balrog-slayer saw the question in the silver orbs. "There is nothing you can do, little one. Elrohir will have to come back when his body is able to, not when we want to."

Estel frowned. "But…there must be something I can do to help. Feeding, or just sitting with him…?"

"Those are a couple things…but what of Elladan?"

The adan bit his lip and sighed. "…This will be much harder for Elladan and Adar…" Estel turned and opened the door, "I will do what you or the others tell me to do."

Glorfindel nodded his approval. "Be there for them, child. Novaer, Estel."

"Novaer, hír nín."

Each went down the corridor. The Vanya to appoint healers and then to speak to Elrond, and Estel to try and figure out what to do in the meantime.

* * *

Elladan eavesdropped in silence to the other two aware occupants. When they left, the elder twin strained his eyes to glance at Elrohir. His heart felt heavy seeing his twin like this, completely at the mercy of those around. There have been a couple edain he had seen like this. They did not survive, or they passed silently due to withdrawal of care. They were not full elves, true…but surely this will not be permanent. It was not, the last time.

Shifting slightly on the mattress, Elladan focused towards the connection the family shared. Elrohir's presence was gone. They could not bring Elrohir back to himself…

Elladan curled on himself slightly and exhaled a shuddering breath, 'This is not fair to you, brother. Please do not fade away…'

* * *

"My lord, this is not the end…"

"How do you know? How do you know he will not remain a plant forever, or once more unable to fend for himself?"

"The fact that he woke up at all is encouraging. Mellon, give Elrohir time to get his head sorted out."

Elrond held a breath in grief and frustration, hands holding his head and elbows on his knees. Glorfindel was standing before him, not phased with the attitude that came from the half-elf. Erestor was present earlier, but when Elrond bade him return to his work, left.

Elrond shot a glare to the golden-elf. This was just too much, too much…he would not be able to live losing a child before their time, especially one that has yet to decide their fate. This forced circumstance, if Elrohir wanted to live and regain his health. What was annoying was Glorfindel being so calm about it. "Why do you look and sound like you know what to do?"

Glorfindel looked hesitant but he answered readily enough. "It may be because I do know."

"So you expect me to simply let you watch over Elrohir while I try and keep things under control? Abandon him completely to others' mercy?"

Glorfindel now looked a bit angry also, "How is this different from the last time, aside from fewer people to help you endure this? Do you expect yourself to be able to sit there every day with just a shell? Dig deeper into the pit of hopelessness for every lack of response? What will the Vale do when her master refuses to do his part?"

Eärendilion appeared worn again, and lost the anger. He sat up straighter. "I cannot lose another…I cannot." The elf-lord scoffed humorlessly. "And to think that it was wild men that started this, and now a blasted rockslide…" A pause, "…You are going to be with my son regardless of what I say, are you?"

"Only with your leave, of which I beg for at this point. Elrond…please consider what is best for everyone and for yourself, and trust me when I say I know what to look for."

Elrond was too tired to think deeply on the topic, only submitting to the Vanya's demands. "How long do you think it will go on…?"

Glorfindel set his gaze elsewhere. "I reckon a month at least…Elrohir just needs time to sort that maze of his out…"

"Or I will be forced to kill my own blood." Elrond said miserably.

Glorfindel sighed. "Please, wait for a time, my lord. For now, I entreat that you focus on your own wellbeing and that of your other sons. You know where Elrohir is if…you must see him."

Elrond used the silence as dismissal, however the golden-elf placed a consoling hand on the peredhel's shoulder ere departing. Elrond simply covered his face with his hands and gave a shuddering exhale. In his brain, he wondered: what did he do to deserve this tragedy for a second time?

* * *

 _A/N Thank you for favoriting/following/commenting, readers._

 _One: Erestor's ancestry/family relationships is an adopted canon that my older sister developed years ago, with some of my own changes to fit my canon. So credits to her for the original idea._

 _Two, and more importantly: the chapter after the next one is where things might get bumpy, given it's been maybe half a year since I actually continued writing in the document, so writing style may have changed since last year. And, plot/story wise, since I have fleshed more of it out over the months, might have a small hiccup before it smooths out. But you are the judges._

 _May life treat everyone well._


	5. Glorfindel and Erestor

Elrohir did not understand what was happening, what had happened…neither did he even care about the situation he was in. He could not comprehend or interpret anything going on. Sometimes there were noises, but that was all they were, just noises, nothing of significance, and when it filled the air it washed over his inability to process that information. When his body did not demand sleep, there were images also, but that also was something that washed over his close to non-existent awareness. Sometimes the images would move, that was the only point of interest as far as his body was concerned, but again, it was non-significant.

When there was pain, his body would throb in response, but he made no effort to move away from the source of the pain.

When there was food or drink, he would swallow whatever was in his mouth-including built up saliva.

When there was movement, he gave it no heed in the midst of the anchoring weight and numbness throughout every nerve.

When there were hunger pangs, no heed also was garnered to this, he simply waited for whatever outside source would satiate the need.

When people called his name…there was no Elrohir, not in his mind. There was nothing about this person in the interrupted circuit of the brain. Nothing.

The hroä wants sleep now, so it did so with eyes closed, cutting off whatever information of the outside world for the time being.

* * *

Glorfindel mutely watched as the younger twin's body went to rest again, for it was drawing near evening now. In dimmed light of the situation, Glorfindel mused, that Elrohir had a normal sleep cycle instead of being awake all night and restless, and then awake during the day 'watching' whatever it was that moved. If the light was brighter, that was one thing he wished for.

A week had passed since Elrohir's initial awakening. Estel was back to being "normal", if one ignored the current shadow transpiring. Elladan, other than a slightly stiff and sore arm, and not doing any strenuous activity beyond walking, also had a shadow lingering. Elrond…he had grown quiet and rather set in emotion, which was nothing. The elf-lord kept working, trying to do anything to keep his hands and mind occupied so he will not sit without doing anything with Elrohir. There was one, as much as Glorfindel hated to think it, "vegetable" too many in the Vale.

Regarding Elrohir himself, disregarding the lack of response to everything, was healing well enough. The puncture mark looked like a scar, however that will soon fade. Little to no bruises could be found, and the twin had regained much color to his skin.

Glorfindel sighed and sat back, briefly looking at whatever was on the scribe table in his lap before back to Elrohir. What a humiliating thing to know when one wakes up, of what needed to be done in order to keep the body healthy and alive. Muscle deterioration was already beginning to set in, and if one looked closely enough the elf may have gained a very small amount of weight. But at this rate weight loss will be a bit more prominent than gain. Stars know the change will be obvious in a couple months…

…Or longer, if they were unfortunate.

Glorfindel lifted his head and gave a smirk towards the shadowed figure by the archway. "Did the mutt keep you? You are late."

Erestor returned the smirk. "No, however I expected Elladan to be here…and if there is one still here…" The dark-elf frowned in the direction of Elrohir.

Glorfindel lost the smirk and closed his eyes. "We ought to move him to the healing ward, if to leave Elladan the privacy of his own chambers. But Elrohir…the last memory he would have would be in here, and three times waking up in different places with no recollection of how he got there would be too much."

Erestor grimly nodded. "He has been through too much…"

Most nights went like this, quiet companionship. Sometimes, Elrohir would be awake also, and Erestor in hopeful curiosity would watch as Glorfindel tried to get a meaningful answer out the vegetabalized elf. And every night would be in silent disappointment until Erestor took his leave.

Glorfindel mutely agreed with the statement, then returned to his work. Erestor took a seat at the opposing end, a hand lightly rested on the sleeping elf's arm. As much as the dark-elf wished for a response, much like everyone who were in the vicinity of seeing one, held back a sigh.

'Ai, Elrohir, and you are the smarter of the two.'

The crickets cricked and the breeze blew softly through the open window. Elladan had not showed up yet, but neither scholar nor warrior bothered to question about it, knowing that the older twin likely needed to be away, not near. Estel always came during the afternoon, to just watch as elves fed Elrohir, or to watch him be carried to or from the bathing chamber for necessities that needed to be dealt with. The adan felt sad for his brother, and wished that it was not so. Elrond came every once and a while. Elrond was only truly involved when it was dealing with the more intimate things. But overall, like Elladan, Elrond had kept away for the most part.

In the quiet, tonight apparently was one of those nights. Erestor felt his heart beat more prominently seeing half-opened eyes, then looked to Glorfindel.

The golden-elf looked calm…again. "It is good to have you with us, little one." Then at last he looked to his aware companion. "It may do good for him to hear you again, Erestor." At the look of protest Glorfindel continued. "You know what to do…and even if he does not acknowledge it, it may do you good to speak."

Erestor bit back his words before looked back to the twin, still staring straight ahead, and where he was positioned, looking off into the main chamber. The scholar took a breath in. "Shame on me for not speaking when you are awake during these dark hours…Though, you know Glorfindel has to do everything himself." What would have been a playful jest ended up making the elf in question look a tad annoyed, which surprised the other. Erestor did not stop though. "Estel so I hear has seen you every day…no one has left you alone for that matter." Inexperience with one-sided conversations were obvious. "…Elladan may have misplaced some scrolls and tomes with what I had made him do lately…perhaps you may join me in the search for those misplaced." This time he did utter a sigh, and unconsciously asked. "Elrohir, blink three times, for us? It would mean very much, no matter how menial it is." Glorfindel smirked in the background. Unsurprisingly, no answer, or not one in a reasonable amount of time.

A question bogged at the back of Erestor's mind and looked to his friend. "How is it you know what to look for? When it comes to…awareness? You as far as I know never received such training."

Glorfindel stopped cold and was silent for a while; giving a vague answer eventually. "…I know."

Erestor gave a disapproving frown. "What deep dark secret do you have stored up this time?"

Glorfindel was a bit astonished at the quick shift of mood from Erestor. He was a bit more…softer, when with Elrohir, and other times: hard and a bit blunt. Lamely he plead, "Please, do not-"

"You cannot help Elrohir at all if you are caught up in the past again. Who knows, he may have answered one of your requests and you failed to notice it. If not for your sake, then the rest of us, please."

Glorfindel felt very, very small all of a sudden, and in an unelvish way slid down in his seat. Even in a small and meek voice he answered whispery, defeated. "…I went through this also…but for a much longer time…"

Erestor went back to being a bit gentler than before, blinking a bit at this confession. "What…what led to that, if I may implore?"

"Dying."

"…"

That was such a sensitive topic. A shame for elven kind, but…never on this side of the sea was actual knowledge of what an elf went through in Mandos. Erestor had managed to pry some knowledge out of Glorfindel before, but the Vanya never truly went into great detail, or told it in a story-like manner.

Erestor did not have to ask, for Glorfindel continued. "…we were never meant to go into dreamless sleep, mellon…It is akin to a state of non-existence, there is just…nothing, something that Elrohir experiences now." He paused, "That is just the state you are in when…not in a body. Asleep…"

"But…you went through…this?" Erestor motioned to Elrohir and inquired as non-intrusively as possible.

"…That is what you are told, when you wake up from a seemingly innocent slumber, which is exactly what it is. The last thing you remember is…the final moments, then you just wake up again in a new body." Glorfindel looked to be worked up slightly, nigh giddy, and he smiled with mixed emotions. "Oh, Erestor…it can be complete hell if you desire it…or you just let them change you. It is so…humbling, and satisfying…" The elf chuckled and about moaned. "Oh I am such a fool, such a fool! Oh Eru…" Moving the scribe table off his lap he leant forward and wept.

At the giddiness and slight hysteria Erestor stood and put both hands on the golden-elf's shoulders. "This is what I meant…I will stay with the elfling for the night, while you take time to get a grip on yourself." No answer, and Erestor could have growled, but did not.

He waited until Glorfindel had some semblance of calm before the Vanya looked up finally, mutely nodding and moved to do what Erestor had said. "Thank you, for listening, mellon…"

Erestor nodded. "Have a peace of mind, Glorfindel. Nothing bad will happen for now." The Vanya only nodded before he disappeared, the door beyond clicking faintly in the night.

The dark-elf in the meantime returned to his spot at the head of Elrohir's bed. The peredhel's body had given into sleep again. Erestor sighed and said aloud. "Try, elfling, try and get your mind back again…you are causing a lot of pain for a lot of people right now."


	6. A Year, or Two

It was hard to think. In fact, he could not think at all. There was just a big coat of heaviness and numbness in his cognitive processes, much like his body. Yes, there were noises, yes, there were images, and yes, there were touches, but Elrohir just could _not_ understand any of it. He did not seem to understand his own existence either. But, then one day, the faintest thought, fleeting and just moving beyond reach, thought: "Who, what, why?" Then it was gone, the small bit of ability to sense a self and beyond dimmed, but not entirely gone. Yet, to the outside world, there was no change to the monotony when it came to caring for him. If the awareness still existed and was much stronger, Elrohir would have been able to appreciate what was happening presently.

* * *

"You should be glad, brother, that you are getting ada's greatly-famed massages. Now, you just got to pay attention so you can appreciate it."

It was Estel. The adan was much more involved with speaking to the awake-unaware Elrohir, a favored tactic was pointing out all the things the elf was missing out on, in hopes that it will get the elf's attention. Sadly, three weeks since waking, there still was listlessness.

Elrond in the meantime was silent as he did his ministrations on his younger son by birth. The others needed to change the bedsheets after…a small incident. First Elrond had bathed and dressed Elrohir in fresh clothing. Still slightly damp from the warm water, the elf-lord took advantage of the relaxed muscles to work out some knots that had somehow gotten themselves in everywhere.

Elladan just sat on the couch and watched in melancholy silence. His world had become dull and empty since Elrohir's, practically, disappearance. He was there in body, but the person was not. For a moment, he thought he felt a flicker in their bond, but it was soon gone, and Elladan shrugged it off as his own imaginings. 'Why, Elrohir…?'

The twin heard Elrond give a sigh, one that sounded like frustration, and leaning forward went to see why. The older twin practically cringed seeing bruises and a couple of sores scatter Elrohir's back.

"More time on his sides, not his back." Elrond ground out.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Glorfindel look very ashamed. The Vanya really had been ignoring his own health and it was taking its toll finally. Erestor stood nearby also, looking much like himself. Elladan, when he did come to this suite, had seen the scholar with his twin much more often than Glorfindel lately. With that thought, Elladan felt guilty not doing what he should be doing, sitting with his twin…

Elladan looked out to see the changing colors of fall. A good number of leaves had fallen to the forest floor already, and an early winter seemed prominent. Then a small idea came to existence, but it had to be done soon… "Adar, would it do any harm if Elrohir was brought outside? Maybe the small nip in the air will…snap him out of it."

Elrond looked up briefly when Elladan spoke this and looked back to his listless son. Elrohir looked rather peaceful and innocent staring off into nothing, but it hurt Elrond to look and to imagine what the outcome will be if Elrohir gets out of this. An underlying fear was persistently present in the elf-lord's heart: he may lose Elrohir one way or another, if not from this plant-like state. As for the older twin's suggestion… "…Perhaps when these have healed. But time it right; to the private gardens…" His voice was low. It was bad enough other healers must witness this. Others truly beholding what was happening now will likely cause more shame. Alas, if Elrohir woke up and was not fully there…

Elladan caught the underlying tone in his sire's voice: Elrond, even though Elrohir could not completely register discomfort, nor did he express it, the elf-lord did not want to inflict more distress regardless. The twin accepted this. Surely the temperature will not drop enough for snow to fall in that matter of time…

Estel had gone quiet again after his prodding, now just watching (again), and listened to things going on. The adan tried not to listen to the subtle despair and frustration from his father when in desperation asked a command. Like always, nothing. Then mutely he watched as Elrond bore Elrohir back to his bed, this time laying him on his side and facing the window that viewed the outside. Estel discreetly (not really) followed behind and stood in a corner, watching as Elrohir's eyes slowly followed the occasional falling leaf, or a bird darting across his line of sight. Estel would love to imagine the elf watching to pass the time, or trying to truly see what it was the eyes were tracking. If only it were true…

Elrond placed a couple fingers on his forehead, keeping himself together ere turning towards Erestor and Glorfindel, the latter still looking worn from too much work, observation, and other things.

"How long?" The elf-lord asked dully.

The Vanya was the one to answer. "Almost a month, my lord…Just…a few more weeks at most." Glorfindel begged pathetically.

Elrond gave a long-suffering sigh. "We are not repeating…" He paled, "Oh stars we are."

"There is no ship this time!" Elladan out rightly barked and stood. "If you are thinking of giving my twin an escape, the only way is…is…" The older twin did not even finish; his hands clenching every now and then.

And both twins had not decided which fate they will go to. Would there be a limbo if Elrohir died now?

Elrond slowly approached and looked at Elladan in the eye. "We know, but Elladan, if this continues for a much longer time than the estimated time…"

"A year!" Elladan stepped back. "A year, or two, if it takes! Do not lose patience so early in the road!" The twin huffed, very much looking irate. He had reached his limit, holding in all those emotions. Giving a dark look towards the three elf-lords, "This is our space anyway…Please, get out; leave us alone."

Elrond was grateful Elladan was smart enough to ask instead of outright shouting and demanding it, but he did not truly appreciate being lashed out at, even if it was completely reasonable. Elrond closed his eyes and sighed again, then open silver orbs. "Remember it is mostly my decision to make regarding this, my child…" He said lowly before leaving.

Glorfindel had taken on a sterner and disappointed look when the rage was unleashed. Erestor silently followed behind Elrond, but the Vanya stayed. He did not flinch with the coals being flung in his direction. "You should have let some of that out earlier…Your father does not deserve your attitude, elfling."

Elladan opened his mouth to rebuke, but becoming red with shame bowed his head. "He would do it…just because he cannot stand to witness this happening to us anymore."

"Ah…are you just as willing though?"

"Elrohir is my twin! It…"

"So Elrohir is of less value to you to keep him suffering like this than your mother?"

Elladan gaped, "N-no…"

Glorfindel exhaled. "Ai, elfling…this has all gotten to your heads. It is the matter of letting go, I am afraid. Some situations much easier than others…only Elrond seems to be ready to do so than you are."

Elladan continued gaping, close to losing his grip on his emotions now. "L-leave, please…"

"Think about it, elfling…I also think you need to reconcile with your sire when you have a grip again." With that Glorfindel departed.

Elladan remained in place for a good many minutes, the sounds of breathing only in the air. Ah, Estel…

The older twin deftly approached his incapacitated twin, briefly look at him before turning eyes towards the adan who was hiding in the corner with big eyes.

"Don't kill me…" Estel said meekly.

Estel has been around elves enough to know some things a common person does not know…some which even now still frightened him. That being the burning of elven moods. The negative ones more precisely. The man could only describe it as if the elf's fëa was shining through its body. Anger: burning eyes and quite glowy, almost as a barrier against something: assault or pain upon its being. Grief, it made the observer want to fall over and cry too. But, at least the former only expressed itself when the situation was _really_ bad. Elladan raising his voice, though Estel did not see, was bordering on such extremes.

Said elf only looked at the adolescent man, shoulders slumping before looking out the window, "I am not that mindless…" Changing who he was addressing to… "Elrohir, why are you not rousing from this? It should not be that hard!"

Estel slid to the floor as Elladan began his small and quiet entourage; the adan was still a bit afraid. Hence, again, he was mute, allowing his adopted brother to unleash feelings and thoughts that he badly needed to let out. It took probably ten minutes until Elladan was also listless in voice, sitting in a chair with elbows on knees and hands on face.

Tentatively, "El…you know, about the garden thing…Maybe, we could go out and find a spot to sit when…we go out."

Elladan lifted his gaze to the man in the corner, thinking. The elf nodded. "We need air…maybe we can find a bunch of leaves and make a pile to sit on. A cold shock could do _wonders_."

Estel grinned at the acceptance and he scrambled to his feet. "A…quick stop to…" a jerk of his head towards the bed.

The aware firstborn sighed. "Yes, yes…come on, before it gets dark."

So the adopted brothers left the suite. If they had stayed for a few minutes longer, they may have heard the weakly uttered moan from Elrohir.

* * *

 _A/N Apparently, if you are making people sad or have emotions when reading your writing, then you are doing something right. Thank you Lydwina Marie, AndurilofTolkien, Thaishi, and guest reviewer Silk Leaf for your comments._


	7. Laiquendi on the Job

_A/N Subtitled: Green-elves, especially Erestor, is Nanny McPhee._

* * *

Erestor sat at the base of the Great Oak. The tree needed tending to, before it went to its sleep for the winter to come. He had that done, and now he had nothing to do, except play with the acorns that were on the floor.

The elf sighed. This was a repeat in history. One that he and many others did not want to have happen again. Worse part is that all the supposed composed elf-men were falling apart. And there were no mother-figures nearby, unlike the first incident where Celebrían and Tathardes were nearby to help and console.

With the lady of Imladris in Valinor, and the second (third?) lady, who happened to be his wife, out on a "business" trip to Mirkwood…and Gilraen was visiting her kinsman in the north.

Did he mention that it was worse because this was the _second_ time Elrohir has been struck dumb?

Erestor thought on the first incident.

It was centuries, _centuries_ ago. The twins had gotten into a bad mishap with some remnant of the hillmen of Rhudaur, allied with whatever was left of Angmar after the war. The worst of the damage that Elladan brought home was just the traumatic memories, that Erestor knew still haunted him. Elrohir, well…a club to the back of the head after not being allowed to get sufficient air…

Erestor closed his eyes and stopped the thought.

Glorfindel had been in Lindon at that time, so Erestor was the one Elrond had trusted the most to find the twins, and sadly had to witness the damage be inflicted. It was a miracle in itself that Elrohir managed to get out of his coma and minimally conscious state after six months. Elrohir accepted his situation as best he could with the complications interfering with his daily life.

Oh, Erestor recalled the animal-like outrages Elrohir would have, the random blackouts and inattentiveness…it was not easy, and there was a lot of bad air coming from elves that really thought highly of their race, too highly, he thought.

But the younger twin managed to get his life back. Aside from needing a little more time to think things through (which presented a more thoughtful countenance and shyness), everything was back to normal. Elrohir could fight with the sword again too.

Erestor doubted things will be as smooth as it was the last time, especially with Celebrían gone.

Oh no…it was going to be a wild ride.

The green elf heard sounds in the distance, and he saw his spouse's party coming down the slope and back to the vale. He breathed a small sigh of relief.

Surely Tathardes could get things in some sort of order again.

* * *

"Ah, Erestor!" The elf-maid exclaimed happily as she dismounted.

"Tathardes, it is good to see you have returned ere the pass is closed."

The elf-maid embraced her husband before standing back. "I am as well, as much as I would have enjoyed the winter solstice with our kinsmen in Greenwood…" She sighed, "But it would be moot, without you there. Legolas sends his regards to his favorite great-uncle."

Erestor smiled faintly. "Noted…and I will give mine back when we return."

Tathardes and Erestor walked out of the stables together. The former looked about the changing leaves, and the songs the residents sang. "Still Imladris is most fairest in the fall…" She mused. She stopped walking, and turned to the councilor. "How fare the lords and young Estel? Has the lady Gilraen returned?"

Erestor did not bother hiding the concern for "the lords" from Tathardes. She would find out eventually. Like he would find out. He did not say "I know everything" without knowing. "Gilraen has not returned yet from visiting her kin; she might even stay with them for the winter, instead of trying to hike through the snow." Tathardes nodded her understanding. Erestor did not allow himself to hesitate. "Glorfindel is hiding away in misery about the past, Elrond has become distant and closed off, Elladan and Estel I saw were wrestling in a pile of leaves they made together earlier this day."

Tathardes blinked as she took this in, as Erestor was a master of saying things in a matter of fact way. Blunt, but with some emotion. She bit her cheek. "I see," she said in response. "You have left one person out of that list."

Erestor only frowned, and that was when Tathardes' worry was sparked. "Come, and I will show you."

* * *

Erestor lingered by the archway while Tathardes was sitting in the chair by Elrohir's bedside. She had not reacted terribly or dramatically. She had gasped at first glance, but she had collected herself rather quickly.

Laiquendi were like that. They were the masters of composure.

Erestor simply waited for her to break the silence.

"How long has he been like this?" She asked quietly.

"Almost a month." Erestor answered.

"And everyone else has fallen apart?"

Erestor spoke slowly. "Elrond without Celebrían is overwhelmed by this. He feels cursed, again. Glorfindel was composed at first, but the timing was rather uncanny, and he has slipped into one of his depressed states. Elladan…I believe he is being haunted by the first incident; retching and holding his throat randomly."

"And Estel?"

"Surprisingly, he is doing quite well. He might be in a state of denial, or working his mind into trying to understand all this…" Erestor looked at Elrohir, whose body was resting currently. "…Given, after everything he knows about elves, Elrohir has managed to break every rule." 'And more when he wakes up…'

Tathardes hummed, placing a hand on the side of the twin's face, before removing it and standing up. She turned to her husband. "Do we have what we need?"

"The couch is ready when it is required."

"And other things?"

Erestor poked his forehead.

Tathardes smiled softly and nodded. She hummed again. "Do we still have the hammock from-"

"Yes."

"Alright; where is our poor Vanya?"

Erestor blinked and frowned. "I have no idea."

Tathardes also frowned, but in concentration. "Very well then…I will see to our lord and give him the recent news occurring in the Greenwood and Dale. I will return here afterwards."

Erestor nodded, kissing Tathardes' hand before she went on her way. He took her place in the chair and watched Elrohir quietly.

After a moment of thinking, the older elf smiled slightly.

"You will be alright. I have hope in that."

* * *

Elrond did not know how to feel lately. He felt dread mostly whenever he thought about Elrohir, and then stressed because of the image he must uphold as being lord of Imladris. Kind as summer. Yes, he was generous and kind to all his guests and was quite hospitable.

Oh, but Elrond could wish he could spare some time to just be, and not worry about anything, and empty his mind out. It would help tremendously to get through each day. He needed _some_ time to get back on track.

Erestor and Glorfindel helped with most of the work, and Elladan occasionally, being Elrond's heir. Except Glorfindel managed to let himself fall apart recently and had a hard time focusing, and Elladan, today, was busy with Estel. Elrond felt warmed hearing their laughter that afternoon. Oh, if it could have lasted forever.

So, that left Erestor helping the most.

The green-elf was a very good friend and steward to have.

Back on getting that free time…that became Elrond's priority. He would work on getting it, even if it killed him.

Elrond rubbed his temples when he heard the door open. He quickly composed himself, and was surprised seeing Tathardes enter.

"Good afternoon, master Elrond." She said pleasantly as she approached.

"Lady Tathardes," He greeted politely. "I must have missed your arrival…" He shook himself out of his drifting thought. "How fairs the Woodland Realm and Dale?"

"With Sauron's direct presence gone, Greenwood has a brief respite to reinforce their defenses and further push back the infection that has spread…"

Thus, the elf-maid went into detail, regarding the state of the wood and the elves under Thranduil. When she got to Dale, there was not much to say, other than they were rebuilding, and were beginning further building up a kingship there.

"With the elf-king sustaining them and having established a trade, they are well on their way." Tathardes finished at last. She also wrote down some key things on a parchment while she spoke.

"When should I expect some missives requesting a trade be established between Imladris and Dale?" Elrond asked lightly, in slight attempt to be funny.

"Oh, not for a few more years I think…it is a long way from here to there, as well. It would not be effective so early in rebuilding."

Elrond said nothing, finding the matter closed.

Of course, then that was when Tathardes gave a look that said: 'I know what is going on.'

Elrond ought to make a tally on how many times he has had a "How?" face whenever dealing with Erestor or his spouse. They knew _everything_ , and how they did it…he never figured it out.

Glorfindel had not figured it out either, and he was the closest friend to _the_ Erestor.

Elrond looked at the elf-maid carefully, and ended up wishing Celebrían were here. For the umpteenth time.

"I have let things go dour, and I will be held responsible for any blame put on me." He said finally.

"How many of the people know?" Tathardes inquired carefully.

Elrond stared, "Only the healers that I can trust to keep their peace about the matter. I would like to avoid a repeat of hate and despite towards my son with his…unique case."

Yes, Elrohir was unique…Normally elves who received severe head blows died, sailed, or went to Ered-Luin to the west. Teleri elves that lived near to the sea seemed much more compassionate towards others, unlike the proud and high expecting Noldor in Rivendell. Elrond knew proud among the Noldor, and he was happy to say that Noldor pride has lessened over the years, but there were still some haughty individuals here and there. Elrohir had stubbornly remained in Rivendell, and pressed on despite some ill remarks that was said to and of him.

Tathardes' brows furrowed. "If I may?"

He gave the consent.

"There is no escaping the inevitable, like last time, master…"

"I know that." Elrond said sharply.

"…then why do you focus so much on trying to prevent it?" She asked softly.

Elrond sighed. "Can a father wish to avoid these dark truths for his children?" He held up a hand to prevent her from answering. "But we cannot, can we. We must face it sooner or later, and better to accept them sooner instead of constantly denying it. It will cause less pain for everyone that way." He stood up and went to the window, "…I am lost; afraid, and overwhelmed, lady. Would that I could just be an unknown elf than a mighty guardian and lord. I feel I could give my sons and daughter what they deserve that way."

Tathardes bowed her head at those words and looked back up again. "How can we help you, lord?"

"If you can…please, give me a week of solitude to regain myself."

The elf-maid nodded. "It shall be done." She looked to the parchment mounds.

Elrond exhaled. "Thank you, Tathardes. Give my thanks also to your husband and Glorfindel."

Oh, she was going to…

* * *

Glorfindel thought he had passed out at his desk. Which may explain the fading images of a dream he had fallen into. It was not a good dream. He never had good dreams during these periods of wavering and doubt, remembering his time in Mandos. He was grateful they did not last long as they once did, so there was that blessing. But this time, with what is happening to the elfling, and that he had basically promised that he could keep himself together…

Well, that was a convenient time to be reminded of a lesson he had learned when he was getting close to being released:

'Do not let yourself become proud like in Gondolin. You cannot always resolve matters by yourself, nor be assured that you _can_ fix it on your own power.' Said the voice.

He felt ashamed, and rightfully so. He told himself to not do it again, or at least try to. All he could do was ask for forgiveness and move on.

He failed hearing the pairs of feet. Before he knew it there was a _large_ stack of paper next to him. Glorfindel turned his head sharply to see who had intruded his quarters.

Erestor was standing before him with folded arms, looking rather calm, and Tathardes was just leaving.

He was in trouble.

Or, maybe dead.


	8. Reading and Readying

_A/N The moment we have been waiting for...: guilt sibling angst._

* * *

Elladan banged his head on the wall, before bending over and dry heaving, since his body forced him to. His throat felt tight as well. And no, he reminded himself severely, there is NOTHING choking him!

Stop. Thinking. About. IT!

It had been so long since he had episodes like this. He had gotten over that trauma years ago. Alas, ever since Elrohir woke up (if his current state could be considered being awake), Elladan could not help _but_ think about his time with the hillmen of Rhudaur. It was them that caused his brother's vulnerability…them that made life such a miserable experience after they were freed. Them that made Elrohir forget the ways of the sword after such a long time trying to live even normally. Them that robbed Elrohir of functionality.

And now, oh now…indirectly, they just made all that work and healing be for nothing.

Elladan hissed as he tried to get rid of the phantom sense of choking and pressure on his neck. He stopped retching, thank goodness. He took a few deep breaths. Those men that caused this suffering were long dead. He could not get angry over dead people. Elladan could do nothing about it.

And he could not have prevented the rockslide. Elladan gripped his hair, nearly pulling the handfuls in his hands from their roots.

Nothing he could have done…nothing he could have done…So he could not blame himself for that. Ah, but here he was, doing nothing for his brother, who was still alive and healthy, considering all things that could have gone wrong. Elladan felt and saw nothing on the tattered web that was their family bond.

That web had really fallen apart ever since their mother sailed.

Elladan shook his head and thought about the current plan of action and the things that have happened.

Yesterday he and Estel went searching for a nice place to sit in the private gardens. They had made a nice leaf pile to sit on: nice and squishy, and cold. And quite disgusting, given the fact the adolescent man decided to put a bunch of leaf mulch down Elladan's shirt. That had made the peredhel tackle said man, and they wrestled playfully. That day had been rather pleasant.

Yesterday was when the lady Tathardes came home from her visit to Mirkwood. And also the day that she made the three important elf-men of the vale (excluding Elrond, including Elladan) split the work, report, and organization load between them to give Elrond a needed break. Here was another thing that made Elladan guilty, that he had left his father alone when he also needed help. Elladan had apologized for his behavior and returned to his duties as heir, however…

He had been awfully irresponsible lately.

And being a bad brother.

Elladan continued his deep breathing, the panic finally beginning to ease off his spine and heart. Elladan _knew_ he should be a bit more involved in Elrohir's "recovery". Alas, Elladan could not stand to be there for long before he had to find a private corner and deal with his terror and regain himself. He could not look at Elrohir over long before remembering. It was unpleasant at least and unproductive at best.

Elladan hated it.

'You have been isolated long enough.' He told himself, 'Now, start being the responsible elf that you are supposed to be, and STOP, panicking.'

Elladan made a fist and then relaxed his hand, before leaving this private corner.

* * *

"She stood still by the lake, and looked to the gem she had removed from her circlet. She sighed and lifted her head, tears streaming down her face, "You will always live on, in my heart." Estel finished dramatically and closed the book. "Well…that was…something." The mortal said lamely. "What did you think of it, Dolmardo?" He asked Erestor's dog.

Who was on her back, making doggy snores.

Estel frowned severely. "My reading was _not_ that boring! I think I did a wonderful job! Elrohir?" The young man turned his head towards his brother.

Elrohir was "awake", having been set up to lay on his side and facing the sitting room. Estel imagined him to be staring at the floor, given where his eyes were set onto.

The adolescent man had been here very often lately. As much as Elrohir's condition and state of being greatly disturbed the man, Estel did not become antisocial or disheartened like everyone else. He did not blame the others for their grief, if this had happened before, and simply let them do what they needed to do. Elves were wise. They knew how to manage things.

Estel was there the day when some healers were stretching out Elrohir's muscles when he heard him groan and moan during the process. Hearing the sounds, small as they were, Estel could very well have run naked to his father and eldest brother from the jump he had that would be equivalent of jumping out of his clothes had he been scared, and the elation he had. Sadly, he tripped on his own feet in his haste, and one of the healers sat him on the couch and told him that Elrohir had not regained awareness.

The man's hearted plummeted at this, and went into a heated argument with said healer. Estel had lost the argument very quickly. He was learning the healing arts, but he was not _that_ proficient in knowledge.

Still, faithful and optimistic (perhaps in vain), Estel had plopped himself in the twins' suite, after encouraging Dolmardo to follow him and be an active audience to listen to him read.

It had been _thrilling_ , obviously.

Estel hummed at the lack of response, then opened the book he had been reading to a random spot. "Was my reading really that bad?"

Dolmardo sighed and groaned in her animal fashion as she rolled over onto her side. Elrohir, unsurprisingly, did nothing. Estel began thinking he was trying to imagine Elrohir being more…alive, out of desperation in fact. So, in his mind, Estel assumed boredom that rewarded no comment to.

Estel reread the page that he had opened to. There was something nagging the back of his mind, he just did not know what…

Then it clicked.

Estel paled and quickly closed the book.

"Oh stars, what have I just read and tormented you both with for the last four hours?" Estel practically dumped the book onto the nightstand and retracted his hands back to his person like the object had fleas. The man sighed and slumped into his seat, looking at his audience. He stared at the wall afterwards. "Well, this is quite grand…"

Dolmardo grunted in agreement.

Estel did not feel like getting another book. He did not want to risk scarring his mind again after the last one ('And to think _that_ was written by an elf!' he thought). He ended up falling asleep in the chair at one point, and when he woke up, ended up playing with Elrohir's hands. He stretched the fingers out and flexed them, and even massaged both wrists. It was something he could do to help, even if it was small. During this is when he heard the door open.

"Estel?"

The person in question turned his head at the familiar voice; a voice that two people claimed. Were it that it was Elrohir who spoke his name. Estel grinned at Elladan regardless.

Elladan looked at Elrohir for a moment, the elf's breath catching briefly, before he tore his eyes away and focused on the mortal. "I see you have managed to lure the mutt in here."

Estel shrugged. "It was not that hard to do. Besides, I did not want to leave her out on listening to the most…" He shivered, "…riveting tale I just read."

Elladan caught the shudder and raised a brow. "What were you reading?"

Estel hastily grabbed the book and held it out to Elladan, with a look in his eyes that spoke that the elf should take it before it ate the adolescent.

Elladan blinked, slowly, at the quick movements. He took the book and looked at the cover. An untitled volume. He opened it near the beginning, and blanched, "Oh…this."

"You have read this before?"

Elladan snapped the volume shut. "Yes, and I rather wish I never did. You found it in the library?"

Estel nodded. "When did you…read this? I know you must have been around when this was…written…"

Elladan stowed the book away into his tunic. "Oh…I was around. It was a _gift_ even."

Estel could not help but stare, his eyes wide.

Elladan actually smiled at him, amused, though his tone remained casual. "A hopeless romantic I believe, who fancied me at the time. I do not know what her ambition was…" he cleared his throat. "…But I should be glad I never heard from her again, I suppose."

"Burn it," Estel whispered. "No one should have to lay their eyes on that…literature."

Elladan snorted. "I think I will, given hiding it in the deepest darkest shelves did not seem to work."

"You should thank me for that." Estel murmured.

Elladan shook his head, before looking back to Elrohir. The elder twin sobered immediately. Do not think, do not think, do not think…

"I know you were busy today," Estel said. "But…when could we bring him outside?"

Elladan snapped back to the present. He said nothing as he moved to check Elrohir's back. He should not expect the bruises and sores to be gone in the span of a single day, but he was happy to see some have disappeared. He let his hands drop back to his sides after his brief examination.

Estel watched expectantly.

"…maybe, we can try in the early morning." Elladan looked at the human.

Estel blinked again. "…how early?"

"Early, Estel. I will respect adar's wishes on doing this while no one else can see." Elladan paused. "If you wish, I can let you sleep and you can join us when you wake."

Estel blinked, looking at nothing in particular as he weighed the options. He made his decision. "I do not get to see the twilight hours in the morning a lot. It might as well be a good chance to see the beauty elves are so enamored with in the early hours."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I know you and adar have been overwhelmed by this…sudden turn of events. I do not think I can do much to help father, not yet at least, but I can at least try to help you and Elrohir as circumstances allow."

Elladan looked at the human carefully, before giving him another smile. "I appreciate that, brother. And I will apologize for being so isolated as of late." He bowed his head.

Estel had been battling himself over if he wanted to know the full story or not. He wanted to know, to understand his family. But did not want to know, for the possible horror of it all. Glorfindel had only glossed over it. "I will not blame you or accuse you of anything, Elladan."

"Ah…but I may have to make one accusation in the future."

Estel gaped. "W…what did I do?"

Elladan tilted his head to the side. "For not going to sleep on time, if you turn up grouchy on the morrow. And, for preventing me for not burning this tome that you love so much."

Estel huffed, "The sun is not even down!"

Elladan only smiled. "I did say early, yes?"

Estel harrumphed sarcastically and turned to leave. He stopped next to the sleeping dog. "Guard the door," he said to her, before he left.

Dolmardo slept on.

Elladan looked at the plump animal affectionately as he sat down in the chair. Eventually he looked at the wall, not wishing to look at Elrohir more than necessary. The last thing he wanted, in case Elrohir was able to hear and understand, or influence his subconscious (when it came back), was bring more pain with his trauma.

But Elladan challenged himself. Soon the healers would come to feed his sibling and massage his limbs again. He would stay and watch.

He will get through this.

They will get through this.

* * *

 _A/N Thank you for your comments MistressofImladris, Silk Leaf, AndurilofTolkien, and Lydwina Marie, and thank you Dark-Zeblock for favoriting and following._

 _Elrohir lives. That can be taken as present tense. Can't spoil too much._

 _There may not be a lot of humor, but I hope this chapter relieves some of the suspense and doom and gloom with Estel still technically being a young boy. Early teen years can be nightmares. But this is a tragedy...and teenagers...well, however you like to interpret that._

 _Encyclopedia of Arda is a Tolkien Fan's best friend in writing fan-fiction or role-playing. (not sponsored)._


	9. History of the Mind

_A/N Strangulation...mentioned, not overly graphic. Least I don't think it's graphic. Given what has been written on this site, I think what I have is incredibly mild. Anyway...true T rating in this chapter at the fifth section. You have been warned._

* * *

Estel slumbered quite deeply in his bed. He knew he should have heeded Elladan's not so obvious advice about going to sleep early. He did go to sleep earlier than normal, but not early enough, as he would learn that soon.

"Estel." There was a rough shaking, "Wake up now."

'No…' The adolescent moaned. He did not want to get up.

"You wanted to do this. Come now."

"Fine…" Estel sighed and stretched out. He yawned and sat up. And really woke up when he saw what the time was.

It must have been three in the morning.

"Really?" He deadpanned, turning his gaze towards the shadowed figure of the older twin.

"I said early. It is your fault for not listening." Elladan replied lightly. "Bundle up, and bring blankets too, please." He requested as he turned to leave the room.

"Why did you not do it before?" Estel asked grumpily.

"Because I think my back will be thrown out in the process of carrying Elrohir on my shoulders, so carrying semi-heavy objects in my arms may not be good for me."

Estel could not believe he just heard that come out of Elladan's mouth. He supposed he ought to be glad that Elladan had come out of his low state of mind. But…that was incredible.

He could not comment anymore as Elladan had vanished into thin air (not really though). Estel sighed and forced himself to get up on his feet and wake up a bit. He stripped the heavy coverlet off his own bed. He was going to bundle up for sure. It would be _cold_ out there, especially when it happened to be so bloody early/late in the night. And it was autumn, for stars' sake.

Estel looked out the window.

…frost.

At least it was not snow.

Estel sighed again. He asked for this, and he was going to uphold his promise. Now, if he got a cold in the end…well, that would be his fault too.

* * *

Estel was a blanket monster.

He had gotten so many, mostly for his own use, that he had to bend over to carry it all.

'A hunchback, not very appealing…but it is an effort well applied. I do not think many people here would appreciate a mortal ice statue in their yard.'

On the bright side, he sweated enough to retain the warmth. This should keep him alive when they were outside.

Speaking of they…where were the twins?

He will find them…eventually. But he wanted to go to their spot before he collapsed under the weight of the fabric.

To Estel's relief, and possibly Elladan's, there was no one to witness their sneaking except the birds and rabbits. The man approached the leaf pile that had been made, and dumped the blankets nearby, letting out a big breath he had held. He promptly flopped onto the cushioned mound to catch his breath; the cold air helping him along.

Elladan and Elrohir had not showed up yet, and Estel mildly wondered why. He was not going to think about it, for he had to set out some sort of patch for the younger twin to lay on, and for Elladan and himself to sit. If they were going to be out here until the sunrise, Estel doubted they want to be having soggy clothes for hours on end.

He accomplished his goal and wrapped up in his coverlet, teeth now chattering slightly. Right on time too, he heard feet crunching on the leaves. And given the odd shadow he saw approaching, had to be the twins.

"You are late." The man said helpfully.

"It is a bit difficult to do this alone, opening doors and balancing elf-weight on your back." Elladan said in turn, now fully in view. With Elrohir on his shoulders.

"I would have helped, or tried to find you, if I were not going to suffocate beneath sixty pounds of coverings, and in case the wind decided to blow them all away while I was gone."

Elladan blinked, "Sixty pounds?" He looked at the pile. "I did not mean that many!"

"Well good, because _I_ need them." Estel said confidently, and he curled up in the blanket he had to make his point.

The elder twin sighed. "Well Elrohir…we just happened to be blessed with this silly human." He addressed Estel again next. "If you wish to help, then help me get down without Elrohir sliding off and falling."

Estel quickly got up, blanket cast aside. As Elladan carefully got on his knees next to the spread prepared for the younger twin, Estel helped balance the prone elf as Elladan moved. When that was accomplished, Elladan allowed Elrohir to slide off his shoulders and onto the sheet.

"I am sorry for the indignity of all this, brother." Elladan said softly, positioning his twin to lay on his stomach in a comfortable way. "But we know better to not stay cooped up inside all the time, and only moving from the bed to the bathing chamber and back."

Estel listened to the words as he went back to his spot and all the blankets, wrapping himself up again in the coverlet. It was cold, and he felt it immediately when he went to help Elladan. The last thing he wished was for all the blankets to become stiff and frozen.

Despite it being cold, it was a lovely night. The night was clear, the leaves were changing color, the stream flowed nearby, and an owl hooted in the distance. Some buildings were lit up: only a few, so they were safe.

But the healers would find out in the morning when they came to do their rounds.

"Will we go back in before the healers arrive?" Estel asked.

"Perhaps…but in case they come unexpected, I left a note on where we are, and a request on being discreet if they do visit."

Estel blinked. Everything has been prepared already.

* * *

A couple of hours must have passed. Estel had fallen asleep again at some point. As he woke up, slowly, he looked around. Nothing had really changed, perhaps that the sky may be changing as dawn was slowly approaching. It would be some time before all the stars faded though.

The adolescent looked to the twins. Elladan sat next to Elrohir with his legs crossed across each other. Elrohir had not been repositioned since the last time Estel looked. Looking at Elladan, Estel saw that he seemed sad. Estel kicked himself internally. So much for being helpful by falling asleep. But since he was a bit more rested, he could be more helpful than if he had not slept.

But how to be helpful?

Estel bit his lip and his brows furrowed. Other than bantering, which seemed out of place, the only thing that remained was…talking about _it_. It would be now or never. Besides, it could help, even if it would be frightening.

Estel propped himself on his arm. "Elladan?"

The twin turned his head. "Hm?"

Estel's tongue was stuck in his mouth for a moment. "What…what happened, exactly, that became an underlying factor to the mess Elrohir is in?"

* * *

Elladan really wished Estel did not just ask that. His heart beat a little faster, in a painful way. Do not think, do not think. And do not show the discomfort.

"Elladan," Estel spoke again, concern in his tone. "I do not know any other way to approach this. Seeing as you are hesitating…that gives me the knowledge that there is more than you are letting on, and what I have been told."

…So perceptive. Bless the man for it, but blast it that it has been used for this particular subject. Elladan had swallowed those memories down before without ever needing to truly go into details. No one needed to know the events surrounding…

"Please, brother." Estel said again. "I want to understand, so I can help. I cannot do that if I do not know anything."

"You ask a difficult thing of me." Elladan said lowly.

"I can imagine so! But no one else need hear what you would tell me. But Elladan, you and Elrohir were orc slaughterers before my birth. Truly those sights are much more gruesome, more foul an experience than…"

Elladan held a hand up.

Estel shut up.

Elladan let the silence reign for a moment, before in a soft voice spoke. "Yes, being orc slaughterers brings sights no one should see. Nor is it a fitting title for people who supposedly are of a higher, blessed race." He paused, "…but being forced into situations where there is no control, no help, and it affects someone dear to you, twists the heart far more than any gore a battle can bring."

Estel watched and listened.

"Worse still, for it being at the hands of men."

* * *

 _"_ _Master, the elves: they have picked up on our trail. They ought to be here at nightfall!"_

 _Elladan had pressed himself against the post. It dug into his back, but anything to be able to have slack from the cord around his neck. He must be able to breathe._

 _"_ _And we still have not gotten a peep from the elf-lord's sons. I don't know which one of them is the chosen heir!"_

"Why did they want to know?"

"Enough overhearing, over the weeks we had been travelling with these men, I had concluded we were supposed to be held ransom, for one reason or another…or our disappearance would draw Imladris' warriors out to find us, which did…though I think the men were expecting more, had planned for more."

"Why you, though?"

"With help of the elves, the remnant of Cardolan had the victory over Angmar after being devastated by the plague, though it took another five hundred years before they were finally vanquished."

"There were still some remnant of that army, or their forces at least, to have banded together."

"Perhaps…but this force was too small to reach their goals."

 _"_ _This is a bad idea."_

 _"_ _Why ransom? Why not deliver them to the masters in Angmar, as was ordered?"_

 _"_ _We were doing that, you idiot, but we will not be able to out run their kin now."_

 _"Then what do we do?"_

 _Elladan looked to where his brother was also secured to a post. Unlike Elladan, Elrohir did not have the slack; not enough so that he could sit relatively still without panicking._

 _The men had done nothing to them, only keeping them subdued and moving. It was futile to try and escape. The ropes were thick and they knew their knots well. They had all they needed._

 _Still, even without the physical pain that the twins very well knew could have been applied, made it no less terrifying. Having a cord around your neck gave enough reason to be afraid._

 _The chieftain was approaching him, and Elladan flicked his eyes towards the man._

 _"_ _Your people are quite swift when it comes to these matters, I will admire you for that." The man leant forward. "But you know what would really help us, you perhaps? Is if you tell us who is the eldest. I would like to get away from here as quickly as possible, however, there is only one horse."_

 _Elladan felt the cord be tightened, and he could not help but gasp._

 _"One_ _of you will say: "I am the one," eventually."_

 _"_ _And…what benefit would we have, not knowing if you will or will not slaughter the other?" Elladan ground out in a rasp, having not spoken a word since their capture._

 _"_ _How do you know if I would let the other one live?"_

 _"_ _On who's honor?"_

 _Silence._

 _And that basically told Elladan: No one's._

 _The older twin held his breath. Do not let it out, under no circumstance. Elrohir…he could not see Elrohir, but he knew there much more terror than he was experiencing._

 _Elladan did not know how long he was being strangled. Miraculously he still kept his tongue in check, aside from gasping and gagging. Fuzzily thinking, he wondered what the man was expecting to get from them through this, if it was not working so far._

 _There was an outcry, and then a shout. And everything went to chaos. Elladan did not hear the order that was given, before he felt a sharp pain to the side of his head._

 _When he came to, it was hard to focus on anything going around. He had been set free, given his position being sprawled on the ground. Something, or someone, was tapping his face._

 _"…_ _dan. Elladan, wake up!"_

 _And he did._

 _He saw a face, a blurred face. Then he heard voices, distant._

 _Then he panicked and reached for his throat._

 _"_ _Be still, my lord! That thing does not constrict you anymore."_

 _"Elrohir…" Elladan croaked, scurrying to try and sit up. When he heard nothing in response it only fueled the fire of his fright. "Where is Elrohir?"_

 _Despite the other elf's attempt to keep him calm, he just could not. There had been a fight, and he saw an elf with dark hair in feather regalia, standing before the chieftain, obviously interrogating him._

 _Elladan paid them no mind. Combining his struggle to move and being restrained, he saw the pool of blood at the stake Elrohir was bound to. So much blood…and to the side he saw many elves surrounding a single person._

 _Elladan had no doubt to who it was._

 _"_ _No…" And he collapsed._

* * *

Estel was white by the time Elladan had finished relating the tale. He felt sick as well. His gaze drifted towards Elrohir: still peaceful.

'Thank Eru for that…' Estel thought. At this moment, he felt glad that Elrohir did not have to be reminded of the past. It was the cause of all this trauma after all. Estel looked at Elladan intently.

Elladan had cease to speak for a minute, absently playing with the ends of Elrohir's hair. "…We were back home; that was the next thing I knew. Aside from a massive headache and fatigue, I was left unscathed." He sighed. "Our brother…was not as lucky. Whatever we were hit with, the enemy could get a harder swing at Elrohir than they did me. He was further away from me, when our kin came, so the men had a bit more time to…calculate."

Intentionally vague, but Estel knew it was better for it to be vague or imprecise. He did not want to know the extent of the gore. He had the idea already.

"What about…how long before Elrohir came to?"

Elladan became mute at the question, instead he looked towards a flowerbed.

Estel did not bother to press anymore, he felt he had inquired enough.

But it did not mean Elladan would stop, now that he had said quite a bit.

The twin arose and went to the flowerbed. He plucked a wilting flower, a silver one. Even though Celebrían is long gone, her special seeds continued to grow. Generation after generation…they still remembered their former caretaker, and grew just for her.

Elladan returned to his brothers, placing the flower beneath Elrohir's hand, and folded the fingers around the stem for him.

"You want to ask more." Elladan said at last.

Estel looked back, frowning. He shifted, a little bit antsy. "What…what will happen when he finally comes back?"

Elladan sighed. "I have a vague idea, given the last time…"

"Prepare me. Better that I know now than to see it unfold unprepared."

Elladan regarded the human carefully. "Be ready for anything, Estel…For the worst and the better. Guard yourself for random moods and angry outbursts that very well be destructive. But…do not change too much. Changes will need to be made for Elrohir's sake, depending on how things are when he is returned to us. However, he must be reminded that we think no less of him for this."

Estel nodded minutely at this. For a moment, his heart clenched at the thought of Elrohir not being the same composed and rather smart elf that he was. From the small things Estel has read on head injuries, so much could be altered or destroyed by just one good shake to that fragile organ that governed everything else in an organism.

Estel scooted closer to the twins, a thoughtful and compassionate look on his face. He placed a hand on Elrohir's shoulder, before looking back to the sky to watch the stars beginning to disappear.


	10. Seize

Elrohir blinked.

A finger twitched slightly.

But something gave the impression the twitching was not his doing, little though was he aware of what transpired around him. Still…a small inkling of his self came trickling back, like it did the day before. Stronger, lasting a little longer.

It was cold, or slightly chilly by half-elf standards. People? Unable to tell.

That really did not matter at all now, given the sudden, sharp pain trailing down his neck and his skull.

Elrohir could not think anymore again, as his body's frayed nerves started to do their own thing, in a more chaotic manner; drowning in the obscurity and pain.

* * *

Elladan and Estel were sitting quietly as the sky started to become pink. No one had moved since the end of their conversation around an hour ago.

Estel observed the scenery, enjoying the sight: the beautiful colors that came as the sun began to rise, and the last bit of stars were disappearing into the west. His hand had not moved from Elrohir's shoulder…so he felt the elf's muscles begin to twitch. At first it was just that, but it slowly grew to be minor spasms.

The young man looked at Elrohir when he noticed the change. He took note of the twitching fingers. First, he thought nothing of it, aside from the burning hope and anticipation he had in his heart, but as it grew steadily worse…

Elladan panicked as he hastily pushed Estel away and moved Elrohir on his back. "Get help!" The elf cried out.

Estel remained rooted in his spot as he watched the spasms eventually became a seizure.

"ESTEL!" Elladan yelled.

Estel snapped out of his dazed fright and _ran_ back to the main house. To his sadness amidst his urgency elves were slowly starting to rise and begin their day. He ran into some of them, but did not look back; never saw their concerned looks. The healers…they must be up by now! He should not be too concerned about who the void he grabbed to help, but only save Elrohir _some_ dignity.

Estel came to realize that was slowly beginning to be impossible.

His running was interrupted suddenly, and his feet flew out from under him. Two hands were on him, one on each shoulder, belonging to different people. Estel struggled against them.

"Let go! I need the healers!"

One hand let go, but the other remained. "Where are they?"

Glorfindel.

"Gardens!" Estel finally stopped struggling, but he was still shaken by what he saw.

"Check the private ones," said the other voice, who was Erestor. Estel wondered if he should be thankful to have run into them or not. Probably thankful. "Elrond made it clear that is where to go if they were to go forward with this."

Estel's breath hitched. Everything was going so well, too…

The human heard Glorfindel run off in his search. Erestor placed his other hand on Estel's shoulders and forced the human to face him.

"Child, get a hold of yourself and tell me what has happened." Erestor said firmly though urgently.

"Healers…"

"They are coming, Estel." After a quick message to Tathardes mentally, who likely was closer to them than the elf-lords were in the house. Erestor mentally groaned about the fact Elrond would have to see what is going on. No doubt whatever has happened that made Estel shaken would have affected Elladan as well. So much for that week respite.

Estel took a few deep breaths, but was nowhere near collecting himself. "E-elrohir…s-seized up…"

The steward closed his eyes and let go for a moment. He looked at the man sadly. "Find your father, Estel. He will have to know about this; he might already know."

"Elladan…"

"Elrond first, Estel, then you can comfort Elladan." Erestor said as he made his way down the hall, at a fast pace, but not exactly running.

Estel knew the twins came first…but he felt all alone just then. He wanted his mother to be here, to hold him, still being the boy that he was. He wanted this nightmare to end. He bit back a sob…

He had reached his own limit.

Estel began his new task of finding his father. In the back of his mind he wondered if Erestor had sent him to find Elrond for his own comfort. He did not think of it overmuch, even his heart was not fully into it. He did not want to disturb Elrond…but what more wrath could fall upon people than that of an uninformed parent to a child's pain and struggle?

Estel went back down the hall where he was running in just a few minutes ago. It was empty now. Please do not have it be they went to see what is going on…that was the last thing that was needed.

The human heard some footsteps echo across the stone floor. As the human turned he about ran into his father, only he barely saved himself from doing so. Estel refused to look up immediately, although his breathing pattern gave away his mood.

"Estel." Elrond said softly.

The human eventually looked up. He crumbled there and flung himself against Elrond, weeping.

Elrond wrapped his arms around his foster son and held him. He felt a disturbance…from two children. One: panic and despair, the latter more prominent at the moment. The other…pain, physical pain.

But instead of disappearing, the presence remained.

He will see them soon, but he needed to comfort Estel for now.

* * *

"Elladan, stop for a moment."

"I felt it! He was back for a moment!"

"For a moment! Elladan, cease your hysteria and explain; listen!"

"Nay!" Elladan shuddered, staring at the bloodied bite to his palm. "He came back…why did you leave again? Why are you doing this to us?"

They took Elrohir away…they came, a few moments after Elrohir finally became still again. His brother had bitten him. Elladan knew that it was his own fault for that, for getting in the way during a seizure. He saw the scream coming, and had to muffle it. He _had_ to.

And he paid for that action.

"Elladan, come back." Glorfindel shook the younger elf, as he happened to be holding the elf and tried to calm him. Elladan fought but eventually became a weight in the Vanya's arms as he failed to escape.

The separation, despite it being a short time in elven standards, felt like a long time to the twin. And to have things be normal for even just a moment, and then disappear again, sent him to near madness.

He would trade places with Elrohir at this point, or if it came to it: die. Anything. Just bring the normalcy back…

"Elladan!" Glorfindel shook him again, his tone sharp. "Do not even _think_ about leaving us now. You yourself said to wait a year or two, now hold onto your own words!"

Elladan came back to himself after that. He was finally released, but he flopped onto the ground, holding his head.

He knew Erestor and Tathardes came by. They and a healer who was not occupied with Elrohir were bringing the sheets and blankets back inside. The laiquendi may come back, given some time.

Glorfindel stared at Elladan, exhaling quietly. He let the older twin be for a moment. "Elladan, try and take heart, small it may be…"

Elladan did not reply.

"…given what we know about the functioning of the body, this may be a good thing." Even though Glorfindel knew seizures were bad to begin with, his support was the fact Elrohir had done _nothing_ on his own volition for the last few weeks. Could not, perhaps, but maybe…just maybe.

Elladan sat up and glared. "None of it is a good thing. And forgive my rashness once again towards you, my elder."

"You said you felt his presence."

Elladan stopped and bowed his head, "…only for a moment. And there was a lot of pain." He said quietly.

Glorfindel frowned. "Where?"

Elladan carefully lifted his hand and hovered around the back of his head and his neck.

Glorfindel nodded slowly and bit the inside of his cheek. He looked at Elladan carefully. "This was unexpected. I doubt anyone of us could have prepared for it. But now that it has happened, we can prepare for it, and look for other, more positive signs."

Elladan was hugging himself, whether he was listening or not was hard to tell. He looked tired as well.

Glorfindel exhaled again and got to his feet. "Are you going to be alright, alone?"

Elladan blinked, and in a quiet voice answered, "Yes."

Glorfindel stayed a moment longer and gestured to the twin's hand. "You might want to wash that in the meantime."

Elladan turned his palm upward, looking at the dried blood from the bite marks. He did not fear any infection and the holes would be sealed at the end of the day. And Elladan had been exposed enough to Elrohir's germs over their long lives to be immune.

Glorfindel turned to leave but he stopped seeing Elrond and Estel approach. Some shock fell on his features, "Master Elrond."

"Head to the healing ward." Elrond replied evenly. "I may need your help later."

'And support.' Glorfindel read that in the elf-lord's eyes. He bowed his head to the master and his adopted son before moving on his way.

Estel detached himself from his father so Elrond could approach the moping elf. The human felt sad for his brother.

Elladan raised his head and guilt crossed his face seeing his sire, "I-"

"Do not apologize, Elladan." Elrond said firmly, already knowing that was the first thing his firstborn was going to say. "None of us knew, and we were not expecting it. You cannot do anything about it now to change it, so let us move away from that."

Elladan bowed his head in acquiescence, though inside he was being a little rebellious and did it anyway.

Elrond sighed and shook his head internally, sensing those thoughts. He had hoped that bad habit would have dissipated. It may be too late for that now, given elvish habits are hard, if not impossible, to break. He looked at Estel, who stood a way with his arms wrapped about himself. The half-elf doubted the human would be able to sleep tonight.

He looked back to Elladan. "Walk with me."

The twin sluggishly got to his feet.

Estel followed them as they walked.

* * *

The three made their way to the Great Oak. No words were exchanged during their walk. When they arrived, Elladan pressed himself against the big trunk, Estel tried taking his mind off of the situation and admired the view that came with the location. It was easy to become lost in the beauty when left to silence for minutes.

Elrond could have sent Estel away for this talk with the older twin, but chose not to. They both needed him here, needed his assurance. Instead he simply tapped into Elladan's mind. 'My son, stop drowning yourself in misery over what happened.'

Elladan sometimes hated when ósanwë came into play, and answered not.

Elrond waited, and got nothing. 'You have been told the same thing many times, and I know you tire of hearing it. But you cannot keep yourself bottled up,'

'I tried,' Elladan replied in a bitter aura. 'And I end up being brought lower for doing so.'

'Who is bringing you low?' Elrond got no answer. 'Elladan, it was ill timing. But if you had not brought Elrohir out and this happened, for all we know he could have killed himself unintentionally in your room, and where would things be then?'

Elladan's breath shuddered. 'Worse…Ada.' He raised his head and finally met his sire in the eye. 'Please, make it stop. Elrohir cannot keep living like this, _we_ …'

Elrond became fearful at the flicker throughout Elladan's being and had to catch him before he fell like a dead man to the floor.

Estel noticed this and cried out his name.

Elrond held Elladan, half voicing out to not fade away, and as Glorfindel did earlier: reminded the twin of his own words.

Elladan did not cry openly, but he was awfully close. "What misfortune is brought on all of us of our house, father! Is our incredibly unique lineage the cause of this havoc? Have we done something to deserve any of this? What could we do to amend it; stop it?"

"None and none, Elladan." Elrond said softly.

"Is our mischief from our childhood finally repaying us for the ill we did to others?" Elladan groaned.

"No, you paid for that enough long before now."

" _Why_ then?"

Elrond closed his eyes. "I have no answer to that, Elladan, only that we have been caught in the discordance of the Song." He stroked the dark hair. "But that also means it does not last forever, and will be resolved when the time comes."

"Patience is a virtue…"

Elrond smiled. "Indeed it is, but even the most patient may become impatient."

Elladan frowned. "But I am not impatient…I am…" he stopped before continuing, "…wishful, and disappointed."

They were kneeling on the ground. Estel as he watched and listened carefully got behind Elladan, he knelt as well and wrapped his arms around the elf's shoulders, encasing Elladan between Elrond and Estel.

"I am wishful too, if it makes you feel better." Estel said quietly.

"But you are doing more than I am."

Estel shook his head. "And? You may be right about you needing to be more involved in matters, but you have seen and witnessed things beyond my years and understanding." 'Like what you told me this morning…' "Overcoming is hard, especially for the Eldar, I imagine. Just try, keep trying, brother. And if you get overwhelmed…well, then stop, regain yourself, and then get back to it."

Estel stopped talking, and from the look Elrond was giving him, he seemed to have done the right thing. He hoped it worked…

Elladan gave a small sigh and nod, "Alright…And please let me say it: I am sorry for the mess I have become."

"You are not at a fault." Elrond assured, allowing himself a moment of self-chastening for some of his negligence. He released the hug and sat back. "Are you feeling better?"

Elladan gave a meek nod.

"Then I need to take my leave and see to Elrohir…" He lifted a hand up at their eyes shooting at him again. "I need to see if there is anything that can be ruled out, after what has happened. He may yet see the light for truth soon."

It was a flimsy, weak hope, but it was better than nothing.

"Do not let us keep you then, adar." Elladan said. "…I will stay here for a while before returning to practical work."

"I thank you, my son." Elrond smiled slightly, then looked at Estel.

Estel did not answer. Just his appearance and look in his eyes basically said: I am not leaving either.

"I will speak with you both later this day, and share anything if there is a new revelation." Elrond said at last before he turned to head back to the house.

Estel had not unlinked his arms from Elladan's shoulders. He did not want to let go, and Elladan did not make him either. Instead, the elf began petting his head like a puppy, something that was done when Estel was much younger.

"Thank you, Hope…"

Estel simply does his job.

* * *

 _A/N_ _Thank you for your comments. :)_


	11. Re-Evaluation

_A/N In which Elrond is one of three EEG monitors in Middle-Earth._

* * *

Elrond pinched his nose as he stared out the window.

They had Elrohir in a private section of the ward, reserved mainly for the House of Elrond, and had placed the partly comatose elf on one of the larger beds to examine him, in case he had another fit. He would not fall onto the floor in that event, or not as easily.

Erestor and Glorfindel were standing next to each other in a corner. Their presence gave Elrond comfort, even if they were not going to do anything other except be there. Well, Elrond already knew he would need them to do something while they were here. Tathardes in the meantime was stroking Elrohir's head and face, who had not technically "woken" up from his earlier seizure.

That part ought to be concerning, but it was hard to tell, given Elrohir never once has been truly awake. Only when he started showing meaningful responses is when he would be awake.

Also present in the room was Belthamdir, an apprentice Elrond had trained many years ago, among others whom he also helped refine their skill. Belthamdir was a master concerning head and back injuries.

"Do we know if Elrohir's neck was damaged from the rocks?" Said healer asked.

"No," Glorfindel answered. "If it was so I am sure we would have known at the time."

Tathardes moved her hands away to allow Belthamdir to examine the younger twin's neck, turning and moving it gently. "A later manifestation is plausible. Pressure build up? But there is no swelling, not that I can tell, unless it is very small."

"Or inside his head." Elrond finally spoke up. "We cannot feel in places where we cannot reach."

All other open eyes in the room turned to their lord.

Elrond turned away from the window. "Where the skull joins the spine…or the space surrounding the brain."

"But the only way we can relieve that is…" Belthamdir hesitated, "…drilling holes into the skull."

Elrond was not comfortable with the thought of the procedure being applied to one of his children. He would not be doing it, he knew that for sure. He would not be able to do it without making an error. Were it someone else…then yes, he could do it.

"It is not something we can ignore to do, yes?" The lady asked.

The healer shook his head. "We could ignore it, but it would be too risky. If there is something transpiring, then it would continue to build up until it becomes too much or blood begins to flow freely…"

There was no need to mention the outcome.

Elrond approached the side of the bed, looking at Elrohir. Elrond studied his son carefully: from the frailty of his body, his withered leg that never received the exercise it needed after the bone had healed. And his fëa…

Elrond steeled himself and looked to the other two elf-lords in the corner, nodding to them and to Belthamdir. The three elf-men moved to keep Elrohir still by holding his arms and legs together. Tathardes removed herself to a corner and watched with a hand lifted to her mouth.

Elrond quietly gathered from Vilya its power, its ability to discern energy, auras, in the air. He carefully applied pressure to Elrohir's scalp, all the while detecting low waves of activity throughout his head.

When the elf-lord asked where his son was possibly hit from the rocks, he moved his hand towards the left side, near the back of the head. There he felt a small difference to the energy waves. They were still small, like the rest, but here, there were spikes; instability. Trying to settle back to a higher, normal level, or…

Elrohir's right arm began twitching and spasming when his sire palpated the area. The energy waves fluctuated greatly.

The other three elves continued their gentle holding; Erestor held down the arms. It was not a full-blown seizure that required them to back up. The only major thing that happened was when Elrohir's back arched off the bed before slamming back down and going limp again. Elrond removed his hand before then, but did not go back to resume his examination.

"Late manifestations." He affirmed to Belthamdir's earlier assumption.

Once it was affirmed Elrohir would not fit again the three moved away. A somber mood settled in that room. Even without saying anything they knew what came next.

Elrond showed Belthamdir where there was a place of concern and the elf-healer made a mental note of it.

"My lord, do you wish for this to be done elsewhere? Somewhere more private, so we would not need to transfer him far after…"

Elrond pondered this, looking to his friends in the other room. They held supportive looks; compassionate emotions.

"Move him to the family hall." Elrond said at last.

It was a separate building altogether. It was small, but not too small to feel crowded or cramped. The family wing in the main house could have worked as well, but Elrond wanted _complete_ privacy. There would be no unnecessary disturbances, and when official matters must be dealt with, can go back to the main house without issue.

Belthamdir nodded, "I will gather a small assembly for the procedure. Later when all is quiet we can transport him to the hall and begin."

Elrond trusted the elf. He had done well in the past concerning most, if not all, his patients.

"On your way then…and thank you, mellon."

Belthamdir bowed and left the room. Elrond let out a sigh that he was holding and sat down, rubbing his forehead, trying to relieve his own stress.

Glorfindel looked at Erestor, who looked at the Vanya, then looked to Tathardes. She looked at her spouse with a sad frown.

Erestor motioned with his head towards the door. She nodded her head, understanding the message, and left. The two elf-lords approached their master.

"So much could go wrong, still can be wrong." Elrond murmured.

"We do not know until we get there." Erestor said.

Elrond held Elrohir's hand. "You will know how I feel if you ever plan on having children, Erestor. You cannot help _but_ worry about the worst."

The laiquendë smirked. "If I wanted a child I believe I would have had one by now."

Glorfindel chimed in. "It is never too late when you have all the time in the world."

Erestor swatted the Vanya behind the head, returning to the current topic. "It could be worse, or it could be minor. What is good is that you caught the problem before it could be more of an issue. And that is all you can do for now." He paused, "Leave the rest in the All-father's hands."

Elrond gave a small nod. After a moment of silence, he asked the question. "Have you _ever_ considered children, Erestor?"

The elf in question blinked. "…Forgive me for saying that…is none of your business."

"Oh," Glorfindel put his input in. "But if you ever do, then I will be outside the room when the elfling is to be delivered."

"Do I need to throw my pinecones at you again?"

Glorfindel backed off. "You keep hurting your little friends that way! Do they appreciate their maker having them pelt a random person all the time?"

Erestor grinned. "Oh, trust me, my dear Glorfindel, they _love_ it."

Elrond let himself be amused by the banter and smiled, all the while continuing to hold Elrohir's hand. He felt one finger twitch, but this time it was not the prelude to a seizure.

* * *

Estel read.

It was not mind scarring literature this time. It was recorded, factual, _non_ -scarring history of Númenor, and he was happy because a little while ago Dolmardo waddled herself in and sat by the window. She had been staring outside it for hours now; it might be due to the fact the big bird tree where many of the avian creatures sat perched was right outside the window.

Estel decided that animals are hard to understand, however, that just makes their antics that much more amusing.

The adolescent returned to his studies once Elladan said he was going to return to work, after they had sat beneath the Great Oak until noon. They ate and refreshed themselves, and got to their assigned tasks.

They had not heard back from their father yet.

Estel looked bored as he stared at all the names of the rulers of the island. The only ruler that had interested him was Elros, Elrond's brother and the first king of Númenor. This history book did not have much about him. As Estel slowly progressed through it, he learned that it was mostly a family-tree type of book.

Well, there is another hour or two wasted of his time.

Estel closed the book and thought about what he was going to tell his mother: 'Nana, in my studies I have learned that I have the worst luck any mortal child could have by their textbook selection; in which I learn absolutely nothing about what I am supposed to learn.' And about getting paid to look for books that shed no light on anything or to prevent future children from going through a soul trauma from bad reading.

And to make a note to Erestor to make sure he has more dogs in the future, so that said children could have a nice distraction from being bored to death by the impractical reading.

Estel closed the book and sighed; he slid out of his chair and sat next to the plump dog. He rubbed her ears and Dolmardo leaned into the touch. Brain itches in dogs can do that to a person.

Estel was busy with Dolmardo that he failed hearing the door open and someone walking in.

"I see my companion is making a wonderful teacher in my absence."

Estel turned his head and smiled, a small smile, towards Erestor. He recalled his earlier train of thought and became serious. "Yes…and what was suggested to me to read for my lesson was pointless and useless."

Erestor raised a brow at the man and looked to the abandoned desk. There was a hum. "Alright, then I will find something more practical for you. Although, in the meantime," he held out a paper.

Estel looked bewildered and he stood up. Approaching the scholar, he took the parchment.

Numbers.

No.

"Erestor…" The young man whined.

"Would you be more obliged to do it if I told you that is from your father's desk?"

Estel got to work immediately and without complaint.

While Estel worked Erestor checked on his pet, even opened the window for her so she could see the outside better. Would that she actually _go_ outside, it would be even better. It is a battle in itself to get her into the outdoors.

When Estel finished, he was musing, "Master Erestor?"

"Yes, Estel?"

"…what becomes of Elrohir?"

Erestor did not answer immediately. He lost eye contact after a moment and moved on with whatever it was he was doing. "Your father will come see you soon to tell you. I believe he has gone to Elladan first and is still with him."

Estel said nothing to that answer, instead he just sat, and waited. Erestor left the library altogether, elusive elf he was in his ways. He does, and then goes to do again. It was confusing and unsettling sometimes. Estel had gotten the privilege once to see the elf emerge from the walls with no warning, scaring Glorfindel and the twins in the process.

Estel knew of Erestor's origins. Beleriand, born in a undiscernible point of time in the Eternal Night before the sun and moon arose. To Estel's understanding, the wood-elves to the east were of similar origins, and perhaps culture. The adolescent took to thought to make his own visit in the future, to see if there are similarities between the laiquendi and the silvan.

One problem with that plan, however, is the laiquendi have all but gone at this point, likely having intermingled with other elves…

Estel heard the door open again, not too surprised to see Elrond enter, but surprised to see Elladan with him. The adolescent stood up before them.

"Peace, Estel," the elf-lord said. "No need to be in haste."

"What have you learned?" Estel asked. He had been anxious most the day, though he had successfully occupied himself from thinking about it to the enth degree.

"Sit down, and I will tell you." Elrond also moved to sit. Elladan remained by the door.

Estel took his seat back, and waited.

Elrond let the quiet be ere breaking it. "…Elrohir may have developed a secondary ailment after the rockslide in the pass."

"Secondary?"

"Some head wounds do not give instant ailments, sometimes they manifest a long time after the initial accident. It baffles me why it shows up now instead of then, given the first head trauma."

Estel bit his lip as his brows furrowed. "What…what will be done about that?"

"They will place some holes into his skull in hopes it will relieve any pressure, and drain any excess fluid that may be present."

Estel could not help but slowly grip his hair.

Elrond looked at both his sons. "It is better than to do nothing…"

"You said he will be at our family hall?" Elladan asked.

Elrond nodded.

Elladan looked at the floor. "It has been long since we have last seen that place…"

Estel tilted his head, but did not inquire.

Elladan raised his head. "How long do we wait?"

"For now," Elrond replied, "It will be a while. When the day is out and it is dark, that is when they may start."

So many ominous vibes in such an atmosphere, Estel thought…here again comes with keeping things relatively secret.

But the man wondered, if there were some who had already gotten word, and are planning ill words and feeding their own self-exaltation.

Elrohir's absence…it only would confirm it. It likely has.


	12. Interlude

Indeed, they waited for many hours, long into the night. Estel was not willing to go to bed at a decent time, after the rough morning he had seeing Elrohir seize up, it would haunt him in his sleep.

Elladan, being mostly elf to begin with, did not need to sleep, and he waited into the long hours. He would be more responsible. He will take the advice he was given and try, but also limit himself so he does not become useless.

Elrond had removed himself to his own chambers, pacing back and forth across the floor as he waited. Tathardes, at Erestor's bidding, had gone to the hall to remove some of the dust gathered and set up comfortable quarters for Elrond and his progeny, having an idea that Elladan and Estel would relocate after the procedure.

Tathardes stayed outside the door where the healers were working, waiting for Belthamdir to come out and say that they were done.

It was midnight when Belthamdir opened the door.

It was ten minutes later when Elrond came.

* * *

"They have kept the residue, for you to look at later." Tathardes said as she walked alongside her lord.

"Is Belthamdir concerned about what came out?"

"He did not say, but he did not look worried."

"I will be the judge of that, though it will not be now." Elrond replied in turn as he entered the room.

Many candles were lit, and a table with a white cloth over its surface stood along the wall. The slightly barbaric tools were on it as well as a bowl. Elrond did not look at it for long, quickly turning his attention to the person on the bed.

"There were no troubles during the surgery, lord Elrond." One of the remaining healers spoke.

Elrond stared at Elrohir's head: a lightly blood-stained bandage wrapped around his head, covering the gauze that shielded a medium sized shaved square and the sutured line of skin, and the white expanse beneath him to prevent any stains to the covers and sheets to the bed.

Elrond took a shuddering inhale and sat at his side, trying to ignore the fast breathing and quick pulse. Elrohir was fine, he was alive…

The younger twin's face bore emotion, and it twitched slightly.

Elrond leaned in and called his name a few times.

Elrohir remained limp…and then his brows pressed together. He half opened his eyes; they looked the same as always with a look that spoke unawareness.

Elrond, though, did not waver. "Elrohir?"

After an agonizing moment, the younger twin's eyes moved to his sire, and stared.

Elrond still waited, and repeated.

Elrohir did not respond…then he opened his mouth; his lips formed a word that he could not voice.

Elrond beamed and felt tears sting his eyes, and he smiled.

"…d-daaa…"

"I am here, my son. I am here."


	13. Hello

Elladan and Estel walked down the stone path, down a hill, towards the hall. It was three in the morning, and neither of them slept. Estel decidedly glued himself to Elladan after the small family were given word that Elrohir's procedure had started, as Estel was afraid of what might be sent to his mind if he slept. When Elrond was the first to leave, they knew it was over. They both breathed a sigh, relieving some of their anxiety, but not all of it.

They had waited three hours: occupying their time by talking about trivial matters, Estel complaining about his education, and Elladan sharing some adventures of the past. The young man ate up the words like a hungry dog, much more pleased with these sorts of stories than what he had read a couple of days ago and the forced reading for his schooling.

After the three hour mark, Elladan thought they could see their father and brother, or if not: at least get an update.

Estel's heart raced at the idea but he swallowed his anxiety, again, and agreed to it.

Seeing the building, the human thought it was rather lovely in its simplicity and its welcoming appearance.

Elladan felt memories being recalled of his childhood, given this was, in a sense, the nursery he, Elrohir, and their sister were brought up in when they were very small children. Away from all the activity of the Vale: a place to just be.

When they entered…the twin then remembered he had almost no idea where Elrond and Elrohir would be. Luckily, that issue would be resolved when they saw a white garbed elf-maid walking towards them, carrying a covered bowl. She gave them a small smile.

"Suilad, my princes."

Elladan bowed his head to her. "Good evening, lady. We-"

"Are here to inquire about master Elrond and lord Elrohir. They are in the master bedroom, along with the lady Tathardes to tend to them."

Estel simply watched; for some reason, his eyes were lingering on the bowl the elf-maid carried.

Elladan hesitated briefly. "And…how fairs Elrohir?"

"He fairs better than he was prior, my lord. He may be confused and a little out of it for some time yet, but he was moving and speaking a few words before I left."

Elladan and Estel's shoulders slumped from the released tension. Even their expressions changed dramatically from anticipation to controlled elation.

Elladan bowed his head again. "Thank you…Are we permitted to see them?"

The healer smiled. "I do not see any reason why you cannot. Elbereth shine down on you both this night." With a small curtsy, she left them.

When she had departed, the two brothers began walking again; Elladan knowing where to go this time.

"What was she holding?" Estel asked, unable to hold back the question.

"If it is what I suspect it is, you do not want to know." Elladan remarked grimly.

Estel frowned but did not press. Maybe he will get an answer from Elrond, if he asked.

Estel continued admiring the simple design while Elladan felt nostalgia. When they approached the door, the human suddenly got cold feet.

"Estel?" Elladan asked in concern.

The human shook his head as he went to stand against the wall. "I…I need to think for a moment."

The older twin frowned at him, and not out of disapproval. "You can take as long as you need to, Estel…no one blames you for needing to let this all sink in." He would have added more, but what he would say may be considered a lie. Elladan opened the door, standing in the doorway for a moment before going in.

Estel strained his ears for any sounds going on in the room and found none. Estel took in a slow breath and leaned further into the wall. He berated himself for suddenly becoming afraid…It all just hit him heavily so abruptly. The new realities that might be in their lives. Elrohir was fine: better, in fact, so they were told. But what could have changed? Would Elrohir be a completely different person? What would life be like now?

'These are not questions you should be asking.' The human reminded himself. 'You are not the one who got hit in the head by a rock…'

Still…

Estel exhaled before turning towards the door and opening it slowly. As it was still dark, the chamber was lit by multiple candles. He looked around and saw Tathardes humming a tune while writing something down. Estel turned his attention to the large bed and swallowed. Elrond and Elladan were sitting at the center, both looking at him. Between them was a covered mound and a book, and a white hand rested on said book.

"Estel." Elrond called softly.

The young man looked at his father and fidgeted in place.

"You do not need to be afraid." Elrond held a hand out to the side.

At that gesture Estel slowly came over and took it, then let it go. He stared at a chair for a good long while before looking at Elrohir.

Aside from Elladan absently petting his head and the hair at the upper part of his scalp, the sewed incision was there for all to see. It was red from the quick scabbing. When Estel looked at his face, he did not think such quick change could occur: white skin and dark circles under his eyes to show further energy drain. The mortal blamed it on the stressful surgery Elrohir had just gone through and maybe some blood loss; the sickly look would go away quickly. Or so he hoped…

Aside from the exhausted look, Elrohir appeared mostly content curled up with his head on Elrond's leg.

"Ada," Estel said at last. "What…"

"Better, Estel." The elf-lord assured. "Elrohir is weary and out of sorts concerning many things, which does not surprise Elladan or me in any way. This, is normal."

"Nothing has been normal this last month…" Estel said lowly, as he kneeled down to the floor and pressed his face into the mattress.

He felt a larger hand rest on his head. "No, nothing has been normal lately. And you have not seen these sorts of things before." Elrond mentally added 'except what you do not remember.'

"Let alone having it happen to us…" Elladan murmured from above.

Estel made a noise. "Having a bunch of rocks fall down on us was not on my life-plans."

It surprised him that the two half-elves chuckled slightly.

"No…and it was not on my plans to have to repair your bodies that day." Elrond commented. "But unexpected things happen in life, little one. We cannot change what happens in the past…and we have no true way of predicting things that are insignificant."

Estel's head shot up and stared at his foster-parent. "Is the accident insignificant to you? What is-"

"Do not twist my words, Estel." Elrond cautioned. "To us and our circle, yes, the accident in the pass is very significant and has impacted all of us…but how is that compared to the grand scale of the Song? We stumbled over a disharmonious note…and to many, none will notice it or hear of it. There has been, and will be, much larger events that will impact the entire world and all that are in it, and will be written down in the books. Those are much easier to see and prepare for."

Estel mulled over those words. "…But the path getting to those large points in history is…uncertain."

"Yes…"

"Adar." Elladan said suddenly.

"I think your stimulation did it. Stop for now; we do not want to hurt him."

Estel's eyes darted to Elrohir. He then noticed the sound of something clicking and snapping together. When he turned to look, he noticed that it was the book with a leather strap around the covers to keep it from falling open. Elrohir slowly unfastened and refastened the clasp in repetitive motion.

Estel waited for more life in his brother, and now that it was happening, he could feel his heart go THUMP in his chest.

Elrohir moaned and grunted softly, continuing the small activity with his fingers. Elrond moved carefully and adjusting Elrohir's head slipped a small pillow beneath it.

"Elrohir," the father called.

Estel briefly looked towards Elladan. The older twin was watching intently and his eyes were glassy.

Elrohir's eyes slid open by a small amount. He was facing Elrond: the first person he saw. His lips moved before opening his mouth a bit.

"Hello there, Elrohir." Elrond said with a small smile.

"…d-daa…"

Estel felt tears sting in his own eyes.

"Do you know where you are, Elrohir?"

Estel literally counted the clock…and it was almost two minutes before some sort of understanding showed on the twin's face. He did not answer however, instead his eyes lost their focus on their father and drifted towards his clothes.

Elrond tapped his face with a finger. "Elrohir?" The eyes drifted back to him after another agonizing minute. Elrond, unlike the composed-close-to-emotional-relief messes that Elladan and Estel were, he kept firm and steady. With the longer time to process his words, Elrond tried slowing his words down."You have a couple of people that want to see you."

The tactic worked, if minutely. Elrohir's eyes started looking around for said people. He did not bother to move anything save the unclasping-refastening motion to the book. Elrond moved his head again to have Elladan within view.

Elladan waited until the grey eyes were locked to him.

The older twin let out a shaky breath, one of the tears breaking free and trailing down his face. "Welcome back, brother." He said, faltering over his tongue.

Elrohir looked so out of it, that he was not fully there still, yet the small bit that has found its way back was welcoming, instead of a motionless shell, "…d…d-aaa…" He said in a half mumble. It was hard to tell if he was trying to form Elladan's name or still sought Elrond.

No matter, Elladan scooted a bit closer and rubbed the younger twin's arm gently; the action rousing Elrohir again, but once more he made no sound nor much of a sign of acknowledgement to the soothing motion.

Elrond looked at Estel. "Come here and let him see you. I do not think he will be conscious for much longer."

Estel felt the frost creeping back to his feet again, but instead of letting it form into ice he quietly climbed onto the bed, trying not to cause too much movement. He got a better view, and his stomach flopped and his heart continued to throb much too loudly in his chest it probably hurt. "Good…night, Elrohir." He said dumbly. Well, he was not lying, it _was_ night.

Elrohir's ear twitched, the only sign that he may have heard those words despite not actually looking at the man. Repeating the longer response time, the elf did look and stare like he did with Elladan. He hummed, "…lloo'stel…"

'Hello, Estel.' Were the slurred words and Estel smiled big. "Hello to you too, brother."

There was nothing for a few moments before Elrohir shut his eyes and grimaced. He began shifting in discomfort, weakly turning his head back and forth (Elrond prevented most of the movement). The dazed sleepy voice was replaced by a tearful one. "…h-h…huurrt."

Elrohir got a lot more physical contact at that moment: Elrond placing his free hand on another part of Elrohir's head, Elladan cupping his cheek, and Estel, unsure of what to do, held his hand; the one that played with the book before the interference. The fingers continued to twitch within the mortal's grasp.

"I know, my son," Elrond said softly. "It will go away soon. Sleep."

Elrohir ceased his restless movements very soon after those words; Estel felt the fingers stop twitching and folding up again, as much as they could with Estel's getting in the way of that.

Elladan turned away and wept silently.

"Elrohir will be in pain for a while…Where, we are not sure yet, but we will figure it out." Elrond said to the young man, as Elladan already knew all of this. "Remember this is the first time Elrohir has been truly awake in over a month. The inactivity has wrecked his body; mostly to his leg, and his head has been messed with and thus shaken things up. It will take time, effort, and patience until he can get back on his feet."

"H-how long will he be…so dazed?" Estel asked shakily.

"A few days, Estel, and Elrohir will get more cognizant and more aware of things." Elrond paused and bit his cheek.

Estel gave a small nod, setting his brother's hand back down on the bed before crawling over to Elladan.

"Do not worry about me…" Elladan said in a small voice. "…I am both tremendously thankful and relieved."

Estel nodded again and sat back on his heels. He felt very tired now. The emotional drain was getting to him finally. He was thankful too.

Elrond regarded both of them before looking to the elf-maid that was still there to witness this moment from start to finish. Tathardes had tears streaming down her face. Were that she alone she may have wept openly, but she had remained in case they needed her. Elrond gave a bow to his head to her in thanks. The elf-maid smiled to her lord, bowing her head in return before leaving the family alone with each other.

Elrond looked down at Elrohir; now peaceful again and no longer hurting. Elrond will let him sleep uninterrupted and without pain for most of the next day. They all needed some rest.

Elrond finally let some of his own composure drop, smiling down at his precious son and one tear dropped from his eyes. 'Thank you, All-father, for bringing him back to us.'

* * *

 _A/N_ _Thank you for your reviews and support :)_

 _As of this chapter you have read a total of 89 pages._


	14. Family Time

Everything was nothing, and then nothing became everything.

In other words, Elrohir found it very difficult to pinpoint what something was, if it was what it was, or if it was not it at all.

He could tell who the people were that were with him: Ada and his brothers, most often. A lady sometimes came into view…and he saw her with silver hair. Either the elf-maid was not real, or the hair color was incorrect. That however was one of the least of his problems; even recognizing there were problems was lacking.

Elrohir's head felt disturbingly light like the rest of his being: weightless but so incredibly lethargic. Gruesome headaches plagued him from time to time, which were not always there, but they kept returning. Ada fixed it though…

Which led to another problem.

His ability to track time and link events together was askew.

Elrohir, once, barely remembered being in water, warm water, and it felt _good_ , if he could say so. That lasted for but for a moment. The next thing he knew he was back to wherever it was that was soft and warm. Plus, there were hands on him.

Stars, that whole event to his memory remained both pleasant and painful. He felt like melting in the good way and the bad way. That is what happens when one gets a good massage, but when they stretch out limbs that have not been used in a long time…it can _hurt_. Elrohir knew he made that part known, quietly and loudly. And that is where his memory fell short.

After that, nothing made sense anymore, and he did not bother to try and make sense of it.

Images were there, hazy and blurry, and they moved, but he could make distinctions from the blurs. He heard noises too, voices…but when the voices spoke, it sounded like nonsense at first. After an eternity, he then could understand the words. Questions or commands, Elrohir could feel himself answering them, like it was someone else that was doing it instead.

Still…he was able to ask, in his thoughts: 'What happened?'

But for now, life was…simple, and he was alright with that.

* * *

Five days passed since Elrohir's true awakening. The younger twin got better, even if it the signs were small and hard to notice. He did not move a lot unless it was to grab something that he was asked to get, to reach out to someone, or to get away from his "tormentors" when they had to stretch his arms and legs, which he failed in doing.

Elrond was aggrieved by this, but did not blame Elrohir. After the third attempt of trying to do those small exercises, Elrond decided to wait for his son to slip into a lesser state of consciousness (or until he fell asleep) to do these exercises. It was that, or use relaxants (which would be a bad idea) and numbing pastes, because Elrohir _needed_ to rehabilitate the use of his limbs.

Estel did not stay around during those gruesome minutes, not even when they were doing it while Elrohir was oblivious to it. Elladan did the exact opposite and stayed, even helped, though he may have been putting himself through sacrificial torment: if Elrohir suffered, then he was going to suffer too.

Aside from that, Elrohir was at peace, or seemed to be. He slept a lot, and no matter how much he slept he looked weary. His eyes were nearly all the way opened, but they drooped still, giving him the look of someone dosed on medicine (truth in some cases, when he had to be given something to ease his headache, instead of being sent to oblivion forcefully).

Estel had watched to see what the difference was between Elrohir now and how he seemed when he was not awake. They asked Elrohir questions or told him commands. Elrohir rarely responded, and even now Elrohir looked to not even have heard their words, but he spoke in a low mumble in answer, and sluggishly did whatever that was asked of him. After those sessions he would sleep again.

"Give it time." Elrond reassured when Estel became afraid and spoke his fears. "Each person is different at the rate which they recover."

The young man believed…and tried hard to keep that belief.

It steadily got colder as the days went by. On this day, a week after Elrohir's procedure, Estel was sitting on the floor being bored out of his mind, having to do his studies _still_. Erestor was not going to give him slack in that regard, although the green-elf had given the man leeway on the first and second day. When Estel tried to argue his way out of doing it, Erestor bluntly replied: "Do not get smart with me."

Elladan and Elrond were smothering their amusement in the background. Estel sulkily acquiesced, shooting his brother a long stare that begged: help me get this done faster. Elladan knew the look and came to help the man.

Glorfindel and Erestor visited them before now, but, doing most of the hard labor in Imladris for Elrond's sake, they seldom came. Elrond and Erestor briefly spoke of important matters before the green-elf looked at Elrohir, who was keeping Elrond pinned with his head on the elf-lord's leg.

Erestor placed something near Elrohir's fingers of his outstretched hand. Elrohir's fingers flinched at the contact of the cold metal and he slowly curled his hand around it.

"Thank you, mellon." Elrond said with a small nod.

Erestor smiled at the elf-lord and turned to leave. "I will come back later this evening, and I expect your assignments to be done by then."

Estel stared.

"Do not give me that look," Erestor said with a smirk. "You have someone helping you; you might be done within the hour."

"Indeed." Elladan chimed in.

"Still does not make me want to do it…" Estel said to himself.

Erestor said nothing more as he left.

Elrond looked down at Elrohir while reaching for the book he had nearby: a specially designed book. It contained tales that could draw a mature person into its depths and a few pages had illustrations, for stimulation and interaction. The illustrations alone made this volume few throughout the valley, as they were meant for severe head traumas: for evaluation when needed, and for their and the healer's amusement primarily.

Elrohir's fingers traced the rough cool edges of the pin: a clasp of some sort, intricately designed with gems and precious stones. When Elrond looked back to his face, Elrohir was awake, hazed and drowsy as expected, but thoughtful and…lost. Elrond internally sighed, not wishing for Elrohir to be thinking about this: confused and unsure of what is happening, wondering what has happened, and why he is like this when he cannot fully grasp those concepts and put it to long-term memory. It would cause unnecessary stress in the end. Thankfully, Elrohir had not shown a lot of distress lately, aside from the pain in his head and when they were stretching his muscles.

Elrond started to read quietly, loud enough for Elrohir to hear and quiet enough not to disturb Estel and Elladan. Elrohir's shoulders moved at some point and he managed to flop onto his back in the process. Elrond helped him to get comfortable before he resumed reading.

"I think your reading is boring him, Adar." Elladan spoke up after a half hour, grinning.

"Is that where I got my skills?" Estel mentioned after. "Maybe we both need lessons on being entertaining when we speak of tales and sagas!"

Elrond raised a brow at them before looking at Elrohir. When he last checked, Elrohir appeared to have paid attention to his father's voice or was resting his eyes. Now he was watching Estel and Elladan in a more alert and attentive fashion.

"It seems so." Elrond agreed to their statement.

Elrohir made a noise, and he unclasped his hand from the pin and had his palm face upward.

"Elrohir?"

Elrohir hummed, still looking towards his brothers, "…d-daaa..."

Elladan seemed to get the message. He stood up from the ground. Estel tried to rise, but Elladan pushed him back down by placing his hand on the man's head. They were almost done with Estel's schooling, and the message the adolescent got was to finish it now, so he did not have to worry about it later. Estel made a small face, though he went back to work anyway (it was not that much…like one or two sentences…).

The older twin sat himself on the bed and smiled at the younger. "Right here, brother."

Elrohir's fingers twitched, and the look in his eyes showed he would go into another daze soon.

Elladan slipped his hand beneath Elrohir's and with the other picked up the gift Erestor had left. He allowed Elrohir to knead and play with his hand, even though what he did sometimes brought discomfort.

"The first vowels you uttered when you were yet small were 'A' and 'O'." Elrond thought outloud as he watched.

Elladan looked thoughtful at those words. "…I doubt any amount of messing with our heads will make us forget that...they are in our names."

"If it was the earliest thing of importance in your lives: the sounds of each other's name, it will stay that way forever."

Elladan turned the pin over. It was a small ceremonial piece. He briefly looked at Elrohir's scar mark on his head. It would not be a permanent mark, though severe injury or invasion tend to look like a scar for a time before fading away completely. The hair above the mark could cover it, however it was a thin shield.

Elladan frowned slightly. "If it were possible, I would give some of my own ability of living a self-sufficient life away, for his sake." Elladan looked at his father, and continued before Elrond could form different thoughts. "Not in the way that I would become a burden to you and the others. If I could be a little inattentive, hyperactive, or slow, for Elrohir to pay attention and understand and make decisions faster…Just…small things."

Elrond looked at his sons evenly. The amount of self-sacrifice they can do for each other was admirable, but they can go too far and in the wrong way in their suggestions and wishes…such as wishing they receive one another's wounds to save the other. They did not go to that length before Celebrían was taken and her spirit broken. It was after that event that the twins grew darker in their souls. It reflected in their orc slaughter.

Elrond saw it was a tad unhealthy, but they were grown elves, and by now it was a habit of them, set in stone, to think the way they do.

"One step at a time, my son." The elf-lord answered at last. "Elrohir will need all our help and support, maybe much more than the last time."

Elladan felt Elrohir's slack hand slide off his own, as the younger twin had lost himself to darkness. "I only wish it will not be as hard…I will even have a staff made for him if I must, by my own hand even."

Elrond answered naught, now letting Elladan to spend time with Elrohir, even if it was just one sided.

He heard Estel's cheer for joy when he was done with his work, and smiled.

* * *

 _A/N *iron ball and chains clink...clink...slowly...slowly...*_ _But more family time._

 _I'm glad you liked the scene with them all together. This might be something similar..because...filler, and getting to the next high, and those things take time._

 _Thank you for your reviews. :)_


	15. Sticks and Muscles

Glorfindel was reading a scroll.

He had his pile completed at last, so he gave himself a little time to walk and look at something more to his interest before Tathardes came and dumped more work in front of his desk.

It was impressive about the amount of reading and writing that occurs when being in charge over a realm. Back in his day, things were much simpler in Gondolin. Of course, half the time they were not worried about the enemy attacking them (before they actually did attack…) or having to review findings outside of the realm…

Simple things were better, and Glorfindel, agreeing to certain persons' point of view, thought that people of all races like to make things a lot more complicated for themselves, instead of just accepting the way things were, or taking the most efficient route, even if they do not like that way.

Glorfindel looked out the open window, the fall breeze blowing into the room and a few leaves as well. Erestor was out…doing something. When Glorfindel finally found the green-elf from his perch, Glorfindel pressed his face into a wall and made a strangling noise from suppressed laughter.

Erestor was, discreetly, getting eaten by the Great Oak.

The roots of the tree poked out from the ground, making a fair place to sit on them or a safe place to sleep in…or in this case, a perfect way to present yourself as a sacrifice if you are breaking one of its branches, for one reason or another. The first time they intentionally broke a branch was when they were to make Erestor's sage staff from one of its branches. The Great Oak did not like it one bit, and it made it known to all who were present what would happen if they broke a branch: it would, with a thin, undeveloped root, grab a foot and pull the victim into its larger roots, of which it would trap the elf for a time and…well, it was an interesting experience. No one would be permanently harmed, they would just get a nice "talking" from the tree and get their nerves aroused from being chastened by a plant.

Everyone made a note for all to _never_ break the tree's branches after that first event.

Why Erestor willingly put himself through that stressor at this point in time, Glorfindel did not know, but he would find out.

Ten minutes later, Erestor came walking into the study room where they worked while Elrond remained busy with Elrohir. The green-elf's hair was tousled and his clothes were covered in dirt and leaf mulch.

And he held the branch he had broken.

"You would think because I was its main planter it would show more respect, or at the least be more lenient." Erestor said, annoyed. The Great Oak has succeeded once again.

"I believe that is the result of planting an extinct type of tree from Beleriand in a place that is not natural for it." Glorfindel answered helpfully.

"More like a tree that has retained more of its sentient ability than most do in this age." Erestor set the branch on the long table.

"And why did you have to challenge it and get thrashed for this branch?" Glorfindel asked, motioning to the wood.

Erestor pulled some leaves from his hair. "…Elrohir will need help with walking, when he finally is able to get up and move about. Elladan broached the subject with me early this morning."

Glorfindel frowned slightly. "Why the Great Oak, though? There are other trees that could have been used."

Erestor gave Glorfindel a flat look. "It is just a tree in the end, Glorfindel, no matter how much we glorify it. And, given the fact it is special to us, or you more specifically, then it will make it a gift of great worth."

'Except for the fact that it is a reminder that he will not be able to walk for a time without help…' Glorfindel mentally added. He also played the simple card: The Oak is just a tree, but then it makes it no better than if a branch from a different tree was used. "And how is Elrohir this day?"

Erestor was quiet at that question. It has been three weeks since the operation. Tathardes was their main source of information regarding Elrohir and the others, aside from the healers that went down to the hall, when the elf-men were unable to see for themselves.

"Better," the green-elf answered lowly. "…in the sense of getting his mind back. In other places…not so much."

"The boulders are beginning to appear on the road." Glorfindel mused.

"Elrohir will have his pickaxes to get rid of them though." Erestor turned towards the archway. "If you will excuse me, I need to clean up. I do not want people wondering why I am unseemly."

Glorfindel could not hold back a smirk.

* * *

"Elrohir, I know this is painful for you, but we cannot keep delaying this."

"N-noo…"

"Brother, think of the better aspects of all this: your shoulders will not feel much discomfort and you will feel less tight, and the sooner you will be able to go where you wish to go."

Elrohir murmured another "no" in protest.

Elrond exhaled slowly out his nose, rubbing his forehead while his hand supported his elbow. Doing these exercises has become more of a challenge as the weeks went by, as Elrohir gained a higher level of consciousness and awareness and keeping it for hours. That was good news in of itself and Elrond was thankful for that, but it made it harder to help his son in other aspects in his road to recovery.

Three weeks. Elrohir still slept a lot and would enter phases where he became lost in his own world, but he was more awake and aware for longer periods of time: hours in between before he would doze off or lose his ability to focus. He would move on his own, though he struggled with that and still needed help depending on what he was trying to do. He even would try to speak and engage in conversation.

The good things ended there.

Elrohir was forgetful and could not put a lot of things into long term memory. He would forget what he was saying and would stop midsentence (his words often slurred and quiet). At some point in time they had learned Elrohir did not want anyone touching his head, not even to brush his hair. Whenever they held a hand near his scalp or face he would become afraid and would stress. Even his mood, depending on the situation or if he was unwilling to do something would become angry or upset, which made everything go south. Mood swings were very inconsistent and had no rhyme or reason to them.

Which led to Elrohir's countenance when nothing was happening: gloom. Elrond knew sorrow over this was expected, but he wanted to know what the other things that might be feeding it were. However, whenever he tried to ask, Elrohir would go mute or deaf to his questions, internalizing the questions and the sadness away from everyone else.

Elrond looked at Elladan, who was trying to ease the tension from Elrohir by rubbing between his shoulders. The older twin looked back to Elrond.

"Give him a few more minutes." The father sighed in defeat.

"Adar, can we not try using the pastes or the relaxants, or at least something to ease his mind?"

"You know why we cannot…even diluted the relaxants may prove harmful and it would scare him by losing his ability to move, even temporarily, and I do not wish to risk further altering his mind irreversibly with other medicines."

It was an atmosphere of fear and stress that made them stuck in this situation. What evil would they have to choose?

Elladan gave a quiet exhale and looked back at Elrohir. The scar on his head had disappeared and some hair was beginning to grow back, however it would take a long time for it return to its normal length, "If it makes you feel any better, I was unable to move much some time ago. My leg did not want to work, nor my arm."

Elrohir shifted. "I'don….don'…w-what…."

The younger twin had asked that question so many times: "What happened?" They hoped and dreaded the day when Elrohir will be able to remember their answer.

Elladan and Elrond did not answer this time.

Regarding the ointments, another healer present grabbed it and handed it to Elrond. This was the best they could use without fearing permanent harm. The oil possessed a soothing fragrance and it seeped into the skin.

Whatever tension Elladan managed to relieve from Elrohir came rushing back when they placed their hands on his arms and legs. His back was the only part of his body that he appeared to accept any relief in. They would do that last, thinking it may help instead of doing it first and then leaving Elrohir miserable after stretching his limbs.

Two long hours passed before they were done.

Elrond quietly worked the muscles in Elrohir's back. Elrohir trembled and perspired and he breathed a little fast from the strain they had just put him through. Elladan stood in a corner with his head bowed.

"You did well, Elrohir." Elrond said in a fatherly tone. "You did much better this time. You are done for the day; it will not happen again for a while."

He looked up when he heard the door open. Estel appeared worried and Tathardes stood behind him.

"It has been so long." Estel whispered. "Are you done?"

"The painful part is. You can come back in." Elrond answered.

The human scampered into the room. Elladan turned to see the two in the doorway, though he saw that Estel was carrying something.

"What do you have there?" The twin asked.

Estel held the thing…as it turns out, creature, to the elf. It was a small rabbit, a young one by the looks of it.

Elladan blinked. "Where did you find it?" The elf asked as the human put the rabbit in his hands.

"In the garden…it was limping, and I found a thorn in its foot. I took it out, and…" Estel trailed off and looked to the bed.

Elladan stroked the rabbit's ears back and followed the adolescent's gaze. He smiled slightly. "A fair idea…though-"

"It will not survive the winter with that foot," Estel pointed out. "It is malnourished in fact. It will freeze to death."

Elladan felt it when Estel mentioned it. The rabbit was not squirming or trying to get away. It was starting to fall asleep in his hands.

"Alright…I think Elrohir will appreciate the company of this little one."

Estel grinned at his brother.

* * *

Elrond did not pay too much attention to Elladan and Estel. He did look when Tathardes came to sit in the chair before Elrohir. The elf-maid set a phial down on the side table.

"A last extract before all the flowers lose their fragrance. It can make the room a bit fresher and help him stay relaxed."

Elrond, now satisfied that he had done all he could and letting Elrohir finally have a break, sat down on the bed. "Thank you, lady."

"Erestor also has acquired the branch that can be made for Elrohir when…he is able to walk again."

Elrond gave a small nod in acknowledgement to that. And then fell quiet.

The elf-lord watched as Elrohir stretched out a trembling hand before him, reaching for the elf-maid, and Tathardes took the hand and held it tenderly.

Elrond closed his eyes, his heart painfully twisted in remembrance of Celebrían simply being a mother. A caring and protective one. Erestor and Tathardes had no children, and by this time to a common eye, it would seem unlikely they ever will. Still, it was a thing in all women to just be so…caring and understanding to those around them. Tathardes slipped into that role so easily.

Perhaps Elrohir needed a mother-figure, especially now, and the green-elf here was the only one that could fit that role at that moment.

Elrond pushed that thought aside, though…he would not have Tathardes fall into a position she was not comfortable with. His sons respected her, though the twins and her never showed an aunt-nephew sort of relationship. And Elrond had no right to request her to slide into a mother-role, when that matter rested in Erestor and her alone. It was a service she would have to offer. Plus, Elrohir was still lost in a maze, so whatever he saw may be completely different from reality.

This was a small dilemma. In the end, Elrond simply longed for Celebrían to be here with them, and then let the whole matter to rest. He would not cause issues or awkward situations when there was no need for it.

Elrohir finally fell asleep a few minutes later. Tathardes let the family be when she was told they were satisfied.

"Here, Ada." Estel showed the rabbit to his father. "She may make things a bit more interesting in here, especially when the snow falls."

"Do not limit yourself to staying inside, child." Elrond said softly.

"I do not plan to, Ada, have no fear of that…She will just make things a bit livelier for Elrohir."

Bless him…

In the corner as Elladan viewed his family, he began to wonder who was the one that was most taxed by this. Elrohir was not having a good time, most certainly…but their father, he was beginning to lose his strong appearance, and Elladan wanted to prevent Elrond from having his own breakdown in front of everyone.


	16. Talking

_A/N Things kind of get darker/sadder for a moment, for these two updates..._

* * *

Things were making a little sense.

It meant a lot of things were not still, however Elrohir thought he got an idea of what was happening, even if he could only discern small details.

…when did the rabbit get here?

Elrohir concluded something terrible had happened, something that forced him into feeling like a coiled-up rope. It still hurt and exhausted him when his legs and arms were stretched, but, if he was honest with himself, the warm burning was pleasant. So, there were boons to this torture, even if he hated it with a passion.

What happened in specific, Elrohir could not recall for the life of him. His last clear memory, amid this maze where everything did not line up in a way to be understandable, was leaving camp on their last stretch home on a journey they were on. Then…nothing. Immediately after being on a horse, he was where he was now. It was strange.

Elrohir learned that things got boring and dull very fast and could not stay focused on it. He even lost track of himself speaking or wondering why he did what he did. Why was he speaking anyway?

It was a jumbled-up mess, and though Elrohir might wonder why he was so confused, he was not able to fully focus on the troubles he had. His subconscious however was the culprit, storing away thoughts just out of reach, and it him feel poorer than he felt already. Elrohir could not pinpoint the exact causes or influences to make him to feel this way, but he felt sad and bad regardless.

Somewhere deep inside, a thought came to be: 'I do not want to go through this again. I do not want this life…' And those two lines were the planters of dark seeds.

…when did the rabbit get here?

* * *

They moved him to the porch and set him up on a couch. The ground was heavily adorned with fallen leaves and the trees were mostly bare. Elrond believed the first snow would fall soon, as the temperature continued to steadily decrease. Elrohir had regained some of his elven-resistance to cold, so he would be able to endure it and remain comfortable, but they still covered him with blankets to add to that comfort.

The rabbit remained in the room, and Elrohir had given her ten different names by now. The most recent one was Velegdal-big foot, and Estel and Elladan, liking that name the most and whenever Elrohir came up with yet another name, they would correct him, hoping it will be engrained into his mind.

Estel sat at the edge of the porch with his legs dangling over the side. Elladan had pulled Elrond aside to wherever. If Elladan wished to speak to him away from Estel and Elrohir, then the human knew he should not interfere.

Estel felt out of place and unsure, now alone with the younger twin for the first time since that day he read to him and the dog.

Nothing was too different from that time to the present, but much has changed regardless.

Estel felt uneasy. He has heard and even seen Elrohir's emotional outbursts and it unsettled him. Even though Elrohir normally passed out from that exertion and returned to his new normal, Estel could not help but dread that it might be permanent.

Elrohir was not an angry elf, nor was he uncooperative most the time. Neither was he a gloomy and sad elf (thoughtful, but that is different). This Elrohir was not the Elrohir he knew and admired.

This would not last forever, Estel tried to convince himself. It is just temporary, and his brother's nerves will settle down into their original pattern, and after a couple of months or more he would be running and jumping like before.

Elrohir started to hum again in the background. Estel looked over his shoulder from the crumbling leaf he had in his hand. The younger twin's head hung at an uncomfortable angle, yet Elrohir did not seem to care or he felt not the strain yet. The constant stimulation being removed allowed Elrohir some sort of break. The change of setting may have exhausted him too.

Estel still did not like the position of his brother's head, and in the back of his mind he said it would not kill him, but the young man did not want Elrohir to be hurting unnecessarily

And the humming…there must be a reason for that; they just have to figure it out what that was.

"Brother?" Estel asked slowly. "Can you move your head?" He kept in mind about the 'no touching my head' rule that had been established.

Elrohir's eyes opened, since they were closed. He stared at the human, and if Estel looked long enough he thought Elrohir had a look that said: 'what a pointless question.'

It was a stupid question. Estel tried a different approach. "That cannot be comfortable, Elrohir. Is your neck not hurting?" 'Oh, please do not have any altered sensations, or lack of them…'

Elrohir's brows furrowed after two minutes and he readjusted his head and Estel grinned in approval. The adolescent stood up and sat at the Elrohir's feet. The uncertainness came back. The younger twin had stopped humming, but it resumed after he readjusted himself. Estel looked back to the leaf.

"'stel…"

The adolescent's eyes jumped back to Elrohir. The elf was looking at him drowsily. Actually looking…

"Yes, brother?"

Elrohir continued staring for a long moment, he swallowed and opened his mouth. "…n-no q-quit…"

Estel's brows furrowed. "I…I am sorry, I do not understand."

Elrohir gave the man an odd look. Why did he not understand? "…d…d-don't s-stop…"

Estel waited. When Elrohir had 'the look' fall on his features Estel knew the elf had lost himself again. The young man sighed.

"This must be very hard for you…I know it is already hard for the others sometimes. But you are the one having to deal with all this." Estel let the leaf crunch between his fingers. "…Do you know what is going on, brother?" He asked the elf, once he returned looking at Elrohir.

Elrohir looked vacant.

"El…" Estel trailed off, deciding to not try to snap Elrohir out of it. Let him be, his mind told him, let the peredhel heal and regain his grasp on reality.

Estel hoped Elrond and Elladan will come back soon.

Elrohir's hand managed to worm its way out of the cocoon he was in, resting near his leg. Elrohir was staring again, something in his expression was telling the man that he was expecting him to do something, or waiting for it to happen.

Estel was not sure anymore and he bit his lip. He got down on the floor and kneed his way to sit in front of his brother while on the ground. "Elrohir? What is on your mind?"

"M-mind…"

The human nodded, even if it would not have done much.

Elrohir blinked and his head lifted an inch and his hand moved. Slowly, he inched it forward and lifted it, the arm shaking from the strain. Estel held his breath. Elrohir planted his hand on Estel's head with a shaky sigh and his eyes drooped. Estel tried to keep as still as possible, and unsure of what Elrohir wanted still, lifted his own hand to cover the elf's so it would not slide off his head. Elrohir opened his eyes a bit more again, and the human saw they were moist.

Stars, Elrohir…

"Brother?" Estel pressed, trying to keep himself together. "Talk to me."

* * *

Elrond and Elladan walked outside along the stream. Elladan led his father towards a small alcove of trees where a bench was placed. They said little, but the silent message was discerned. Elladan knelt down on the ground and remained there; Elrond remained standing for the time being.

The older twin simply waited.

Elrond sighed tiredly and he bowed his head. "I am sorry, for all the wrong I have done and my short-comings in your upbringing." He sat down on the bench.

When Elrond did not continue, Elladan spoke. "We have wronged you more than you to us, father. We paid for each as we deserved, and came out wiser from it…"

"Yet they could have been avoided entirely if your mother and I did things differently…" Elrond shook his head. "This calamity, I am not sure what we will do will be enough…I do not know if I can provide enough to help Elrohir."

Elladan's brows furrowed.

"…They praise my skill and knowledge more than I deserve. Is my knowledge enough to help all: no, not all the time." Elrond closed his eyes. "I have failed you both, including Estel. As your father I am supposed to set you on the right path, and prevent serious harm from falling on you. Yes…I have said before these situations cannot be helped, but it is wishful thinking. Pains of a parent: sharing the pains of the child, perhaps more so."

There was a long pause, and once more Elladan took up the lead. "We could do nothing to prevent the soil from becoming loose…Different actions could have been executed on our part, but that is past. Father, do what you believe is best. You have others to help you, as you have helped us."

Elrond said naught.

Elladan bowed his head and got closer, still kneeling. "Ada…"

"I know, my son." Elrond interrupted in a low voice. "Age bears down on me, but I cannot cease a work that is unfinished…" He lifted Elladan's chin up. "Especially when you are still here."

"You will have to let us go eventually, Adar…"

Elrond smirked. "Not while you are still in my realm, little one. Until you find yourselves wives or establish your own domain, you are still in my care."

"I have no plans on leaving yet." Elladan said softly, pressing his forehead into Elrond's knee.

Elrond stroked his eldest's hair. 'I would not want you to leave either,' he thought.

* * *

Elrohir felt another headache coming on: one that throbbed in tune with one's heartbeat. His eyes were closed, but he heard someone sniffling. It was not himself doing it, he felt sure of that. Elrohir tried to see and he saw Estel crying silently, the tears streamed down his face. Why was Estel upset? What had happened?

Elrohir forced himself to get his brain together, which was barely enough. "E-estel?"

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Estel whispered brokenly. "Please don't die…don't fade…"

Why would he fade? Elrohir wanted Estel to stop, but he was too tired now.

"Estel, what has happened?" someone else called. It was his twin. Why did Elladan leave in the first place?

"The words…Ada, please don't let Elrohir succumb to this. He doesn't want any of this."

…Want what?

"I know, Estel. I will do what I can."

Elrohir wanted to shake his head to clear his mind. It was hard to move, and he did not want to put in any effort to move.

"Estel…you have to tell me what he said." Elladan was sounding upset too.

"Elrohir?"

Elrohir opened his eyes and flopped his head against the couch. "A-adaa…"

"Is your head hurting?"

Everything was blurry. And yes, his head was hurting, why did they not get that? Elrohir made a noise to confirm it.

"I am going to move you now, Elrohir."

Move? His nerves flared when he felt something near his head. He could not tell if it was a hand or something else…but he let himself be lifted, and he knew nothing else.


	17. Protection Against Decision

Estel was gone.

Elladan did not blame Estel for having to be away. After what he told the twin what Elrohir had said…and Estel had to deal with that alone, Elladan almost wanted Estel to go and try and live life as if none of this ever happened for a time. That would be impossible, but Estel needed to try.

That was three days ago.

The adolescent was mature for one of his age, but he was still a child and reacted to things like a child would. It did not help that Gilraen could not be here to help, and given the season, Elladan assumed that the woman would stay with her kindred for the winter at this point.

Snow had fallen on the ground, actually.

Elladan shook his head, setting Velegdal on the bed. Estel had lost so much in his short life, starting with Arathorn, though Estel may not remember him well at this point. Still, that trauma when he was a toddler affected him from his subconscious.

Elladan watched as the bunny hopped over to Elrohir. Elrond had to see to a few travelers, as one of them broke their foot from landing on stone despite the snow. The twins were finally able to be alone with each other.

Elrohir got the name of Velegdal through and stopped trying to name the creature seventy other names. He was starting to understand things a lot better and hold it to memory, but there were some gaps that remained. Speaking, it did not take so much effort as it did before, but he still stumbled over his words or would forget what he was talking about. Movement…still out of the question about standing and trying to walk, but he moved his arms and hands more often: more twitchy and restless than anything.

"I think Velegdal has become attached to you, Elrohir." Elladan commented. "What do you have that we do not?"

"Veleg…" Elrohir said in a muffled voice as he hugged a pillow rather fiercely, and the rabbit sat right in his line of sight.

Elladan let his mouth curve upwards for a moment before looking towards the outdoors beyond the door.

Elrohir watched Velegdal do nothing. Apparently if the animal does nothing then his attention span is longer. When she is moving, he could not hold on for more than five seconds. Elrohir forced himself to wake up and not fall asleep, though it may have been better if he gave into that demand. "E-stel g-gone…"

Elladan frowned. "Estel needed to take some time for himself, brother. He will come back when he is able to."

"A-ada?"

"Adar needed to see some people. He should be back later."

Elrohir accepted the explanation for Elrond…but Estel...something was wrong. Something he had done. It nagged at him. Looking forlorn after being unable to remember, "S-sorry…"

Elladan looked a little alarmed. "Why are you sorry?"

"Estel…"

The older twin closed his eyes. "Elrohir…" 'Ai, I know not if you will understand.' "…You needed to speak your mind. Suppressing your emotions will not help you right now."

"C-couldn't…discern…"

"And you are not at fault for that, Elrohir. If it is anyone's fault, it ought to be mine." 'I needed to have father speak his mind too…but we were too far away for Estel to come find us.'

Elrohir blinked, slowly. "…s-still…sorry…"

Elladan allowed him that, but since the topic was brought up… "Elrohir," the twin started softly, getting into line of sight as well. "…Did you mean what you said?"

Elrohir looked confused.

"Do you even _remember_ what you said?"

Elrohir started straining himself to remember…

 _'_ _I will not be able to stand doing this a second time. Once and minor change is acceptable, but I will not live like this. It will tear away at my soul until there is nothing left, a husk for Mandos to collect. I cannot do it…I do not want this life if this is how it will be from now on.'_

"…Yes…"

"You remember?"

"…m-meant it…"

Elladan's heart sunk and his shoulders sagged. He took in a deep breath to keep himself together. Elrond knew about it. Elladan…something struck a chord within after the admission. He steeled himself and took Elrohir's wrist, pressing his palm against his chest: over his heart.

He should not be doing this, doing this with no consent from Elrohir. But he did not care. He would not let Elrohir make any great decision while he is unable to even remember what he holds in his hand.

'You are not going to leave prematurely, Elrohir.' Elladan thought. 'I am forbidding you from doing so while you cannot understand much right now. Beseech and petition me when you are able to, and I will release this hold. But for the time being, this is for your protection, while you still show signs of improvement.'

Elladan set the hand back down on the bed. Elrohir stared at him with furrowed brows while Elladan held his hand. He felt the binding, and the look he gave in response almost looked like hate.

'Despise me as much as you need to…' Elladan sighed. '…Later you may appreciate it, instead of throwing your life away now.'

Elrohir's expression relaxed. He moved his head to look beyond the room. He was bewildered again. "…L-leaves g-gone…"

"It is winter, Elrohir.'

"N-no…fall."

Elladan bowed his head. "You have been asleep for a while, Elrohir. We were caught in a rockslide in the pass…" It was the same statements repeated when Elrohir asked what happened.

Elrohir took the answer mutely. They said that over and over.

…Perhaps that was because that was the truth of the whole matter.


	18. Guilt and Anger

_A/N Yes, give Elrohir all the hugs, Marie :) And all the bunnies too I suppose. MistressofImladris, I might come up with something for you in the near future, so keep an eye out. :)_

 _Thank you, Silk Leaf, for your detailed review._

* * *

' _The snow fell heavily. We do not have much to spare for me to travel back, Estel. I know this is a terrible inconvenience, and I miss you so, but I cannot come back to Rivendell this winter._

 _As soon as I am able I will return, my dear hope._

 _Mother'_

Estel felt dull inside as he read the letter from Gilraen. He was not too surprised by this. It was almost expected. Still, it did not make him feel any better by the confirmation.

Estel sighed and set the letter on the desk, covering his eyes with both hands and having his elbows rest on the wood's surface. Even after a few days of being alone and spending time with Glorfindel and the laiquendi pair, he remained feeling horrified and upset, and scared.

Elves could drop dead at the snap of a finger if they really wanted to. Estel had a very bad thought one night, a daymare. He dreaded one day he will wake up and when he saw Elladan, their father, or someone else, they will tell him that Elrohir passed in his sleep.

It had affected him more than it probably should. Elrohir may be feeling bad now, but it would pass, he…

Oh, might as well accept that dark ending now. It will hurt less if it does happen.

"Estel?"

The young man turned his head and saw Tathardes standing in the doorway.

Estel sighed and shook his head. "You can come in or leave…it does not matter to me at this moment."

Tathardes frowned, but she let herself in the room.

"Why are you here, lady?"

"We are concerned about you, little one."

Estel stared, "Who?"

"Your father and brother, but the rest of us more so since we have seen you more often as of late."

"Can I have some time to mourn?" Estel snapped. "Some time to grieve for the possibility of death in this house?"

Tathardes said nothing.

Estel slapped his hand against the desk and stood up; he walked to the window. The elf-maid could see Estel trembling. "I cannot put on a happy or calm face for everyone. I am poor company, I know, but I just cannot fake it…I can do nothing to help, I can do nothing but become a mess before everyone…just add to the pain. I cannot do anything to help."

Estel finished ranting. Tathardes still said nothing, even when he was done speaking.

"Come here," she requested.

Estel did not obey.

The elf-maid exhaled. "You are aware you cannot mend everything in a short period of time."

"Yes…but is it wrong to wish for it to be different, to be able to fix everything?"

"Only if that becomes your constant thought and it hinders you. "

"What am I supposed to think about then?"

Tathardes closed her eyes and she stood up from her seat. "I think you know."

"I am not an elf, Tathardes." Estel hissed. "Neither do I have that famous patience the green-elves possess. If you were sent here, or came of your own free will, to tell me to _ignore_ all of this, then you better leave."

Tathardes looked neutral as she was lashed at. She bowed her head and did leave.

Estel made a sigh that sounded almost like a growl. He rubbed his face with both hands. Stars, he was falling into his own pit, and he knew it. They were just trying to help…do things that are in his best interest. But this was trying to defend himself. Maybe he should go and cry himself out again, just to remove these ill emotions, for good, hopefully.

* * *

Erestor chipped into the branch as he worked on an engraving. Glorfindel had been called away to answer a matter concerning a risk of another rockslide due to the snow and ice. The earth was unstable this year, dreadfully so it seems. If they could keep another disaster from occurring, or make the possible damage as mild as they can, it will be worth it.

He looked up as he saw Tathardes walking in.

"You still refuse to show the carpenter your tricks?" She asked.

"They are not "tricks", as some may call it…it is skill, a specific way of doing it." Erestor looked back to his work. "A technique I rather keep to myself for preservation sake."

Winter allowed Erestor to revisit some things concerning his origins, mostly involving searching deep within his memory for times long past, to keep it alive and fresh.

"Have you thought of the gem you will place in it?"

"White crystal, something blue, or a blend of those two colors. There will be small diamonds near the top…when I get to that part."

Tathardes hummed.

Erestor paused again, raising his head. "Is he any better?"

"No…and having a woman try to speak to him gave no different outcome."

"And the man is sorry for that."

The laiquendi's brows lifted as they saw Estel standing in the doorway. His head was bowed, and the elves saw the signs of crying in his eyes.

"I know you are trying," Estel began. "…I appreciate the effort and concern. And yes, you are right about the fact I should not dwell in the dark, especially after so much time since…" He sighed. "…Just let me be, and try to manage it in my own way."

Erestor and Tathardes nodded their heads.

Estel swallowed. "…I did not come here just to tell you that…I want…Is there anything new? Improvements? Anything?"

The couple looked at each other. Erestor was the one to speak.

"They are having Elrohir write, now that he is able to lift his arms and keep hold on an object. Try to regain that finesse he has. Elrond might want to have him stand in a couple of weeks."

Estel nodded, his eyes pleading for another question that he did not want to ask.

"Elladan did something that has made him Elrohir's least favorite person…when he recalls what Elladan did to warrant that. What it was, we are not sure." Erestor exhaled a quiet breath, "He feels guilty over the moment he disclosed his emotions to you, Estel."

Estel closed his eyes and bowed his head. "It is about time I stop hiding."

"You did what you needed to, Estel. You have given yourself the time you believe you needed."

Estel nodded and turned to leave. "Thank you, Erestor." He looked to the elf-maid. "…I am sorry for my rudeness to you, lady."

"There is nothing to forgive, Estel." Tathardes reassured.

The human left them.

"The one last nudge worked." Erestor murmured.

Tathardes gave him a faint smile. "At your request."

* * *

Elrohir stared dully at the parchment in his lap. They gave him a scribe table with an inkwell, a few pens, and told him to write. He had written on it, there was visual evidence of that, but the Tengwar was sloppy, a result from his shaking hand. Velegdal was under his other hand, and his fingers absently petted the rabbit. Rabbit petting and trying to sit up without any support or help was more entertaining than writing.

Elrohir, losing interest in what was before him again; let himself gaze at his twin, who had fallen asleep in the corner in a chair. They were half-lid sleepers, given their mortal blood, though Elrohir normally slept with his eyes all the way closed ever since the incident with the hillmen. Elrohir ended up feeling upset even just looking at Elladan, his mouth drifting to a frown. His subconscious told him that it was for his own good, what Elladan did, but presently Elrohir did not care and did not want to care. He was being deprived of his freedom.

Ada seemed pleased with Erohir. Mostly it related to him being able to be a bit more self-sufficient, small as that was, and cognizant. Elrohir felt better too, that he was able to remember more and keep new memories in place, but still…

Now knowing what had transpired, it made him feel shamed and generally depressed.

And then there was Estel.

The human did not deserve to hear that, he should not have told the adolescent _any_ of that. He should have said it to Elladan or Ada…they could have handled it better. But both of them have told him he was not at fault, he needed to speak at the time and no one was angry at him. Yet it had been a long time since Estel was last in here. Elrohir had not tried to ask for Estel to come back. One of the reasons included him not being able to articulate the question well, and the words required conveniently decide to slip from his mind at those times.

Some words just would not come…and he _knew_ them, but they were just out of reach.

Elrohir heard louder than elf footsteps. He would have looked up at them instantly before the accident, but it took him a while for the signals to be interpreted and labeled.

"Elrohir?"

The elf blinked his eyes opened since they were trying to close on their own will again. His heart lifted seeing who it was, "E-estil…" He said quietly.

Estel looked sad. He always seemed sad, when Elrohir searched his memory. He did not blame the young man. He blamed himself.

"Elrohir, I am sorry for disappearing on you so suddenly without so much as a warning, or even telling you I needed to be away personally…It was not fair to you, and I may have made this past week miserable for you as a result of my actions."

'It was my fault.' Elrohir thought. But he accepted Elrond and Elladan's words about him not being at fault. He had little control at the time. He still had little control over things even now, but it was better than then.

Elrohir felt tears sting his eyes and the self-anger came back. Blast this lack of control!

"Elrohir?" Estel asked timidly, scared. "I am sorry if I have distressed you…I can leave, if you want me-"

"N-n-no…" Elrohir plead desperately, shaking his head to get his point further across, paying for it by needing to rest against the pillows. His body felt grateful for not having to strain anymore to stay upright on his own power. "…S-stay."

Velegdal hopped away as Estel got closer. Elrohir lost himself for a moment before blinking back to the present.

"You are doing better."

'Not emotionally…' Elrohir stayed silent, the word he wanted to say not coming to him.

Estel looked to the paper. "…I was told they will have you standing in some weeks."

Elrohir looked at the man, alert. They had not told him about that. Or did they?

Estel tried smiling. "See, brother? Things are coming along finally. Eventually things will be back to normal."

Elrohir tried really, _really_ hard not to let his discontent about that show. He sighed and bowed his head. "S-stay…"

Estel slowly sat on the bed. He picked Velegdal up and stroked her ears. The rabbit made one of the rare bunny noises to show her disapproval of her position. The man blinked and let the creature go.

"I think you broke her, Elrohir. She does not seem to like anyone else touching her but you."

Elrohir actually smiled, for the first time in months.

Estel cast his eyes towards the older twin. Elladan was awake now, and he looked proud.


	19. Tears Among the Snowflakes

_A/N I listened to a lot of different tracks while writing this...hopeful, or just general sad. "Aelethen - Pathless" by Aelethen on youtube was the thing I was listening to at the end of this. Plus, it seems to fit the atmosphere, at least to me, so maybe search it up and put in your browser and on loop while reading this chapter._

 _This made me sad, so there's a chance you may need tissues._

* * *

November came and passed. Snow fell, melted, hardened, and fell again so it remained light and fluffy. Estel still could not walk on snow, as much as he tried to and Elladan made some interesting patterns in the snow, and to annoy the human with his elven ability, which Elladan was quite happy to inherit that trait when the possibility was there that he and his twin could have been born without it.

It has been two weeks since Elrohir stood on his feet for the first time in months. It was a painful event, much like the times when they had to do his therapy (which they still had to do, but he did not consider it a torture anymore). Elrohir hated his failure that day and went hysterical for an hour. He was left alone with Elrond during that time until he calmed down enough to accept more people in close proximity, but he remained mute and unresponsive for the rest of that day.

Other sessions followed. Elrond feared Elrohir's damaged leg will be crippled for a long time before it regained full strength. The elf-lord prayed for a miracle.

While some problems passed, others replaced them. Elrohir could keep track of conversation and events, even though his response time was painfully slow. He would still have memory blanks, and that was fine, compared to him now having complete blackouts. The brothers and father unwillingly admitted that it was good he could not walk, for fear of hurting himself should he have an episode. Elrohir even claimed to have seen things that were not there.

But his moods, no one could do much to help that except let it run its course.

* * *

Elrohir was resting his eyes.

They were outside again, or half outside. Elladan and Estel were doing something, and if he wanted to pay attention to what they were doing, they were within sight. But that only made him feel anger and grief over their freedom and his prison. Yet if they were out of sight, then he felt lonely and even more depressed.

They brought him snow at one point, which he absently played with and made a sloppy sculpture of something he could not identify. If it were not so cold he wished Velegdal could come out and be with him too. But he needed a change of scenery instead of the now drab room he had been stuck in for the last few weeks. Which led him wanting to go back to his own room in the main house…but he did not want to do that because he did not want to be exposed to people. He could not trust himself to think half the time or treat them with the respect and courtesy they deserved.

Elrohir stared absently at his lap, feeling lifeless and empty inside. And yet he could not keel over. That was Elladan's fault.

And his nerves…oh stars above they were losing their non-existent minds. It was an unpleasant burning and he wanted to _move_ to make it stop. So restless…

Elrond sat in another chair across from his son, keeping careful watch over his expressions, movements, and the vibes he sent off. Since Elrohir admitted about not wanting to go through this a second time, he had been a lot more watchful and close than before. If Elladan had not done the binding, then he would have done it himself. But was it for Elrohir's benefit at this point, or for selfish reasons?

The mood swings made it hard to tell, and Elrohir must be aware of the fact that he just has to ask to be released from that binding…

"Elrohir," Elrond prodded gently.

The question that normally followed was not asked; Elrohir knew what was being inquired.

The twin shook his head. "B-bad…"

Elrohir never spoke loudly, unless out of extreme emotional distress.

"I know, my son, but can you elaborate, for me?"

Elrohir shook his head again.

"Elrohir…" Elrond sighed. "You have been told repeatedly you cannot keep yourself bottled up. It does not help you, and by extension it does not help us help you. Talk to me: is being out here confusing you or saddening you?"

Elrohir said nothing immediately. Elrond had to prevent himself from showing outward grief when he saw Elrohir begin to shed waterfalls. Some point down the line Elrohir had managed to teach himself not to make a sound or have his voice quiver if he talked during these tearful episodes. But the amount of tears, it showed a great amount of anguish the peredhel twin was experiencing. The lack of sound made it quite scary to behold.

Elrond moved himself to sit before Elrohir and took both of his hands, as the no-head-touch rule still existed, except a consent rule had been added to it now.

"Y-y…y-you know w-what I t-thiiink?" Elrohir cast his glance towards his brothers enjoying the snow, while he was stuck doing nothing. And he still could not bloody talk clearly, so he put more effort into it. "They…free. I'm c-contained."

Elrond waited.

"U-useless…" He closed his eyes. "…S-stupid." Elrohir opened them again and looked upset, and the anger showed in his voice. "H-he ww-on't let me g-go."

"Elrohir," Elrond started once more, keeping his voice soft but started to show some firmness. "He did not want you to make any premature choices when you were not able to know the consequences of them. You know you can ask Elladan to release you, yes?"

Elrohir gave a reluctant nod.

"Then you must not truly want to give up, if you have not done so yet. I would have done the same thing if your twin did not firmly plant you here at that time."

'H-hate that he d-did it anyway."

"You are not stupid, Elrohir." Elrond moved on. "Evidence has shown you are wiser than your brother most often. You have not shown signs of losing that."

Elrohir continued raining waterfalls.

Elrond wished he could brush them away. "You are not weak either…In fact, you are the strongest one here, my son."

Elrohir locked eyes with his father, even though he still looked forlorn.

"You went through this once in your life and got your life back in the end. Here you are doing it a second time: not many would survive that."

"A-against my w-will!" Elrohir cried out.

"Child, you must not truly wish to depart if you have not beseeched your brother." Elrond's brows furrowed. "Do you want me to have Glorfindel speak to you concerning the things of Mandos before you go?"

Elrohir did not like the thought and shook his head again, beginning to feel weary from his grief. Upset with current circumstance, and upset because his father was right.

Elrond got out of his seat and he let go of Elrohir's hands, but he held his own out with his palms facing upward. "I want you to grasp my forearms."

Elrohir did not want to…

"Child, please?"

Elrohir did not feel the strain as badly as he used to when he lifted his arms, but his grasp was weak compared to what it was before…this. Slow enough to show his reluctance, he tenderly did what was asked of him. He felt Elrond's hands tighten over his own arms when he grasped the elf-lord's.

"Pull yourself up." Elrond said next, quiet and encouraging.

Oh, no…he could not, could not do that much. He was not strong enough…not strong enough…but he did not let go, even if that was all he needed to do to tell that he did not want to do this.

Elrohir's muscles tensed. Using his father for leverage, and after a few failed attempts (which he was so close to screaming each time), Elrohir stood: shakily and almost falling on his face, but Elrond held him up.

Elrohir refused to look up, though Elrond's expression was that of great love at that moment. "Agórel vae."

"A-a-da…" Elrohir could not take it anymore. "H-hug me?"

Elrond really did not need to answer that. With one arm he somehow managed to keep Elrohir standing while Elrohir, more audibly this time, wept into his chest. This was one of the times the consent was given, and Elrond stroked the back of his son's head while trying to soothe the flaming nerves that rested beneath the twin's skull.

Elrohir had readjusted the placing of his hands to grip to the upper sleeves of Elrond's robes; more out of self-reassurance given the positioning became a little awkward. Ada would not let him fall. Elrohir was just content to feel like an elfling again. He even made himself touch deprived when they were not doing their exercises. This…all that insecurity about everything melted away within this hold.

Ada would not let him fall…Elladan will not let him go foolishly…Estel will not abandon him.

He was safe.

Elrond felt Elrohir beginning to tremble, this time from the muscle strain. The father eased his son back into the chair, though Elrohir remained gripping on his sleeves as if it were a lifeline. Elrohir looked exhausted, but he did not seem so sad anymore.

"You have gotten this far, Elrohir. You are at a steep, rocky hill, but you have us to remove the rocks and show the covered path for you; just keeping walking this path for a while longer."

Elrohir gave a weary nod. "I t-try…"

He felt a kiss be planted on the crown of his head. By instinct he bowed his head to receive it: the humble gesture.

"That is all I can ask for, my dear son; what all of us can ask for."

Elrohir eased his grip by a small amount; even let a hand drop back down to his lap. He looked back to the snow covered ground. Elladan and Estel were laughing as they threw snowballs or tried to freeze each other with putting the cold substance down each other's backs. He did not even feel angry at Elladan when he watched.

He was going to overcome this…for them.

* * *

 _Agorel vae - Well done_

 _...if that scene with them hugging each other ever gets drawn...I think I'd cry for real. (me being pathetic)._


	20. Interest

Elrond had some help be sent for this session, or at least to change things up a bit.

Glorfindel returned to being his normal cheerfulness with a touch of irritating (from Erestor's view). Of course it was not out of place cheer, and his presence made Elladan and Estel feel happier, if for a time. Elrohir did not show how he felt, instead wishing for this torture to be done and over with as soon as possible.

"Just like a long walk into the snow, elfling." Glorfindel said as Elrohir leaned on him heavily (and gripping his clothes). "A walk that lasts two weeks too long."

"D-dan was worse than me." Elrohir said softly and slowly, monosyllabic.

"Two weeks?" Estel said from a chair that he sat in, facing the wall. "Was this a true thing?"

"Aye," The Vanya affirmed. "Boredom from the intense storms and finding a fable to follow for the sake of doing it. I had been kicked out to keep them from drowning in the snow."

"Did they?"

"…All three of us did." Elladan spoke from the background. "Of course, typical Glorfindel managed to melt most the snow and unbury himself and tried to find us when we were two feet away, and it took him an hour to realize that before we surfaced again."

Estel stared. "How did you even allow yourself to become overwhelmed by the snow?"

"We were tired," Elladan continued. "At least, Elrohir and I were. Enough exposure to the cold can slow us down."

"Glorfindel?"

Glorfindel exaggerated the look of thinking while Elrohir took a step. "I wanted to take a break and sought that escape in my dreams."

Estel smirked at the response.

Elrond listened to the banter and storytelling but did not tear his gaze away from Elrohir. The father watched for signs for when Elrohir will need to stop, given the twin had been pushing himself to do more than he is able. It would do the opposite effect instead of helping him.

Elrohir was mostly withdrawn nowadays, but he tried hard to please them as much as the limitations allowed.

"I am sure you can sympathize with me," Glorfindel said. "They were very energetic when they were younger."

"Being drowned in the snow was the least strange of our adventures." Elladan murmured with a frown.

"Co…" Elrohir stuttered over the word and shook his head. "…S-show E-stl."

"Show me what, Elrohir?"

Elrohir became vacant in expression as it took time for him to understand the question. The look did not change as he lifted a hand to his neck.

Frowns fell across everyone's face at the gesture. Elladan already approached him and asked what he was meaning. Glorfindel began feeling Elrohir's weight further and the shuddering increased. Estel remained silent as he watched. Elrond tried to warn Elladan not to crowd him…

Elrohir went limp and would have landed with a thud if Glorfindel was not there to guide him to the floor.

Elrond closed his eyes and tried to keep a sigh of frustration from escaping his mouth as he knelt down on the floor before the two elves. Elladan swore mildly and banged his head on the wall; Estel hugged his legs to his chest with wide concerned eyes.

"I do not want to have to deal with you too, Elladan." Elrond warned. "I have enough to work with already."

Elladan stopped hitting his head and he hugged himself, head bowed and chastised.

"Estel, go and retrieve some snow for me."

Estel blinked out of his daze and leapt to his feet, quickly heading to fulfill that request.

Elrond adjusted Elrohir's head and opened his eyes. They were vacant and glassy.

"Is there a pattern that we can discern?" Glorfindel had wisely kept silent.

"None that can be seen." Elrond admitted with a sigh. "There is no way to tell before it happens."

Glorfindel frowned, looking down at Elrohir. "There is not enough happening to see if there are triggers. It will be unfortunate if it is just a random occurrence."

"We will find a way to manage it…"

Estel came back with some very cold snow, his fingers red as a result. Elrohir began to come around slowly when the man returned, while Elladan was isolating himself in a corner, not looking at the scene.

Elrohir would become mildly feverish whenever these blackouts happened hence the snow, and to bring him back quicker. Elrohir blinked and stared at nothing stupidly, wondering why there was water streaming down his face from his forehead.

"Elrohir?" Elrond called, minding the twitchy fingers.

Elrohir slowly looked at Elrond. He had a dull expression; an uncaring look. He did not ask any questions, did not ask them why he was on the floor when he was just standing a moment ago. His eyes drifted away to the wood, accepting this for what it was.

Elrond frowned, silent before looking at Glorfindel. "Help me move him. I think we are done for the day."

Glorfindel nodded.

Estel diverted his gaze by watching Velegdal, who had been sitting on the edge of the bed this whole time. He did not watch the struggle as his father and teacher moved a dream expressed Elrohir back, the twin even tried to help in his delirium, but did not succeed save for making the journey harder for the elders.

Estel walked over to Elladan, the eldest of the three still staring at the wall.

"I can see why he would not want this; I would not want it either…" Elladan murmured sadly. "…This is more severe than the first."

"This might be a setback…" Estel whispered.

"To his desire to persevere, yes…this might be a massive blow." Elladan sighed and turned around.

Estel bit his lip, also turning. He felt mildly surprised to see Elrond and Glorfindel gone. Elrohir was lying on his side, one arm wrapped around himself uselessly while he petted Velegdal with slow movements.

The man and older twin felt guilt for ignoring Elrohir, leaving him to dark thoughts, which would serve no one good.

Elladan came back to the side of the bed, dragging a chair with him and sitting in it. "I am sorry, Elrohir…"

"D…d-don't." Elrohir whispered, the harshness in his voice did not go unnoticed.

Estel also returned but did not sit. They waited to see if Elrohir would speak more, as he had effectively stopped Elladan from doing so.

Elrohir stared at the covers mutely. He exhaled quietly and closed his eyes for a moment. "N-no blame. Ha…hap…" Elrohir gripped his clothes.

The blackouts slowed him down, and he had enough trouble with that already .

Elrohir moved on after giving up trying to articulate that word. "…N-new year." He said softly, looking at his brothers.

Elladan and Estel blinked, remembering the date. It was for Gilraen and Estel's sake that they remembered mannish celebrations.

"…We will not go." Estel said first, appearing firm in this decision. "We can celebrate it here."

Elrohir shook his head, moving to prop himself on his arm and with some difficulty. Velegdal hopped to avoid being bumped. "No…you go." Elrohir breathed, "We…go."

The others' brows lifted into their hairlines.

"Elrohir, there is no requirement for you to go…" Elladan began.

The younger twin shot a glare. "N-no need…but I w-want to."

Estel's heart became heavy and loud with anticipation. This would be a big step for Elrohir…Does he want to do this?

Elladan had concern lining his brow. "It will be taxing on you, if we are to move you back to the house, and then being awake for most the night."

"I know." Elrohir said wearily, "I-I know…" He looked around the room. "…I t-tire, here. I don't want t-to b-be here n-no more."

Elladan frowned slightly.

"P-please…" Elrohir pleaded with some desperation. "L-let me live."

Estel tried to keep himself together, now feeling slightly ashamed for trying to keep Elrohir in this place. Not much could be done here to alleviate bordeom, and all that could be done in this hall had been exhausted. Elrohir must be restless to see something else beyond the building, the river, and the tree alcoves. The adolescent turned his eyes to Elladan.

The older twin was pondering deeply. He bowed his head and raised it again. "We wanted to let you have your privacy, Elrohir…" he began carefully, "Do you think you are ready to come out?"

That prospect obviously did not cross Elrohir's mind before now and he looked troubled. There was an internal struggle, as he debated with himself if he wanted to leave that badly. He looked at random objects through the process and his hands had that restless and nervous twitch to them again.

Elladan nearly made the decision for him, given the stark signs of fear Elrohir was exhibiting, but the younger twin finally spoke.

Elrohir sounded unsure still. "…I want t-to leave."

Elladan nodded. "I will tell Adar what you want to do, and we will see what his verdict is." Elrohir accepted that answer and lay back down. Within a few minutes he was asleep. Velegdal returned to her place next to his face.

"Why the sudden desire?" Estel asked abruptly. "I did not think he would want to do this so soon…"

"Perhaps the blackout altered his thinking…he might change his mind when he wakes." Elladan looked to the archway, waiting for Elrond to come back.

"I hope Ada will be alright with it." Estel thought aloud. "…Elrohir needs to see and witness something more than what can be found here in this private corner."

"I hope father will say no."

Estel's eyes went big in disbelief at that.

Elladan looked at the man neutrally. "I doubt Elrohir's ability to know what he wants concerning large matters…He does not acknowledge his limits and what things can do to him. Did you notice the wavering when he answered my question?"

Estel did notice. "It is not fair to him to stay cooped up and alone, while there will be bright cheer in the air all through the night and day."

"I know…but we cannot always have what we want." Elladan answered in a low voice. "Which is why your idea sounds better to me." He shook his head. "If Adar is alright with this prospect, then I shall keep my peace."

Estel found that reasonable enough and dropped the matter. The man glanced at Elrohir. The half-elf had a look of consternation on his features. Estel wondered if he could dream still, or if that had been knocked right out of him. Estel chewed the inside of his mouth, "I better inquire about that staff then. It gives Elrohir the chance to join Erestor in beating people when needed."

"I do not think that is a behavior we should encourage." Elladan warned though his tone was lighter. "I am sure Elrohir will find plenty of reasons to hurt us."

Estel merely shrugged, "He has the right." And with that he left.

Elladan sat in silence and his eyes lingered on nothing. The twin found it hard to tell if this was the easier part, or if it was going to get a lot worse. Elrohir would still be able to do nothing if he were set loose, be it here or there. There were still so many unknown factors. Elrohir was not ready, could not be ready…Ai, but Estel was right, it was not fair.

But life never was fair in anything, really, so this should not surprise him.

All Elladan wanted was to keep them safe: family and friends. He bowed his head as he felt the burden of failure press on his shoulders.

"I am sorry, brother, that I can do nothing more to help you." He said lowly, "If I am missing something, then please, tell me."

"Be smart…" Came the soft reply.

Elladan's attention snapped to his twin, as Elrohir had woken up.

"I try to be." Elladan answered casually. "…It has never prevented me from going back to being stupid, sadly enough."

Elrohir smiled slightly and Elladan's heart melted. "M-m...makes you y-you."

"I do not like being me sometimes." Elladan replied with a small frown. "We have experienced enough in our lives to prove that I cause the most problems."

Elrohir sighed. "N-not as…much, l-like past."

Elladan was going to say seething when he saw their father return.

"I am sorry for stepping out without telling you, though you and Estel were busy speaking to each other." The elf-lord looked around, "Where is he?"

"He went to inquire Erestor about Elrohir's staff." Elladan grinned, "Soon you will be able to join his party, brother."

Elrohir looked bewildered.

Elrond returned the smile as well. "How convenient…" He looked at his second child. "And how are you feeling?"

"S-sleep…" However Elrohir did not show any signs of going to do that, instead he stared imploringly at Elrond.

"Elrohir wants to attend the celebrations." Elladan stated calmly. Elrohir looked a little grateful for him stating that for him.

Elrond concealed his own surprise; internally glad Elrohir had shown interest in something. "Are you sure?" He asked.

Elrohir hated that they were questioning his sincerity: every time they did it made him so unsure of himself. And the word…it was not there, thus forcing him to speak his answer with more words. "…I want to go…"

Elrond gave a small smile, but it disappeared for a few moments, "It makes me happy to see you do. We need to see how you fare until then, however."

Elrohir's face fell as he interpreted that as a no.

"You have two weeks before any finality comes, Elrohir, do not worry."

Elladan smiled faintly at the look of hope Elrohir had then, perhaps a bit of delight too.

"I try…" Elrohir sighed, "…I will try…"

Perhaps things are turning better at last.

* * *

 _A/N ...Not the best chapter, but it's been two weeks since the last one...I think another Interlude is coming up, as our little group moves onto the next year._

 _Sorry for some inconsistency or the fast paced. :l_

 _I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter, and I hope we can get to some lighter/happier things too soon. :)_


	21. Pensiveness

_A/N S_ _mall thing: "...and we know from other sources that each bore a star-like jewel on their forehead." - From Encyclopedia of Arda on Elrohir's page, in the notes. I don't know where the heck it says in the book or what other source is, I looked in RoTK and didn't really find it, but that website is trustworthy and where I can get my time lines straight. So couldn't resist trying to describe that out in this chapter. I couldn't express it the way I want...so, if you want some help: look up on Manwe on JankaLateckova's profile on DeviantArt (please don't kill me for mentioning an artist ._.)_

* * *

Elrohir found he did not like being back in his former chambers.

The trip back was not the main problem, which the others would suspect is the cause. It grated on his nerves on how they had to transfer him back of course, but…Ai, being here annoyed him tremendously.

Elrohir could not figure out why he was being bothered by these new surroundings. Familiar surroundings at that. Everything seemed wrong and out of place. The last thing he wanted to do would be to rearrange everything; thankfully, it was not _that_ form of restlessness.

What irritated him so much?

"Elrohir?"

He turned his attention to Elladan, once he registered and understood the question…well, his name, rather. He blinked when he saw Erestor present too.

"Are you alright? We lost you for a moment."

Elrohir's brows furrowed together. He did not remember them talking about anything, or…Erestor coming in here at all in fact, "When?"

Elladan gave a small smile, mainly for reassurance. "Worry not, brother, you did not miss much." He glanced at Erestor.

The green-elf held something behind his back. With graceful movement he revealed the object. "Your scepter, young one." Erestor said with some levity.

Elrohir picked up on the joking tone. He eyed the presented staff: the one the others had been speaking about lately. A sapphire was seated at the top, and smaller gems encrusted its side to a certain point down the wood. He held a hand out to take it, and Erestor gave it to him. Elrohir almost dropped it from the sudden weight, but he held onto it.

The younger twin had mixed feelings about the staff. It was just another reminder of his disabilities, yet he took some comfort in the knowledge that he was a little closer to independency. And gifts from Erestor, who possessed great skill, were rare. Elrohir tried to set it down at a decent angle, but he failed. Elladan had to help him in that regard.

Elrohir gave a soft exhale, "Thank you."

"Your welcome, Elrohir." Erestor said with a kind smile.

The younger twin's eyes drifted away, his other hand on the rabbit that was in his lap.

Elladan and Erestor frowned without him knowing. Erestor took his leave silently.

Elladan flopped on the other couch and watched his brother quietly. Elrohir's eyes roamed to random objects before moving onto the next.

"What are you thinking about?" The older asked finally.

Elrohir lifted his head without needing to. He searched himself before answering. "Some…thing, is wrong."

Elladan frowned, "What is wrong?"

Elrohir shook his head. "I don't…know…"

Elladan breathed in slow, and cautiously asked another question to rule something out. "What do you see?"

Elrohir's face twitched at the implication, his heart rate going up at the anxiety that he _might_ see something that should not be there. Velegdal must have sensed this, because she tried crawling up her favorite elf's chest and resting her head on it.

Elladan's brows furrowed. He wished he did not have to make the question obvious, but if Elrohir did not say anything, he needed clarification. "Is there anything that seems out of the ordinary?"

Elrohir shook his head. "No?" He was uncertain.

Elladan sighed and sat up straight, as he was laying on the couch instead of sitting on it. With hallucinations ruled out, Elladan prodded some more. "What are you feeling then?"

"Lost." Elrohir admitted in a whisper, "…tired. It is all wrong."

Elladan closed his eyes. He eventually decided this is one of those inexplicable moods that occurred for no reason.

In three days, it would be the new year. Elrond had given the approval for Elrohir to attend, as he had shown them he could manage that, and with some help: stand and walk. Elrohir tried to remain consistent mentally, he put a lot of effort into doing so, and only paid for it with some minor side effects and weariness. The effort and focus into trying that ended up him remaining reclusive, however.

They had come back to the main house a few days ago. Elrohir did not seem to completely register the change until the day after that. He did not seem bothered by it, but like now, there were random bouts of discontent, with or without reason. The nights were rough on both the twins: Elrohir needing to readjust to a familiar place, and Elladan just watching Elrohir be restless throughout the entire night. They asked if he dreamed; Elrohir said no. It appeared Elrohir kept forgetting they even had moved.

Perhaps they did it when he was having memory issues again.

Still, they could grant Elrohir his wish, and Elladan admitted that he was happy for that, but he still felt that concern that _something_ would go wrong. It was not a heart-faltering worry, only a concern to be kept in the back of the mind, just in case.

The elder of three stood up from his seat and walked to Elrohir's chamber. He saw the object of his interest and he picked it up.

Their circlets were strange. They still possessed elven beauty, but they were strange regardless. They were mithril wrought, and white gems encrusted the sides throughout the entire piece. At the center, where it would rest against the center of their foreheads, sat a clear, cut crystal. The gems and all the extra adornments were normal in all elven craft: it was the shape that was bizarre, that it would not be considered a circlet at all in fact.

Instead of a circle that fitted around the head, it fitted _on_ it. It was an encasing like a helmet, but not. Gaps were present between each blade of wide mithril. It pressed the hair down in the back, and at the front where it held the crystal, a flat plane in the shape of the triangle curved back into the head.

These circlets had symbolism connected to them: their whole apparel concerning events of remembrance that were not seasonal had symbolism. Elladan and Elrohir stood in as memory of Elwing, for their colors and dressing like a bird, while Arwen the Evenstar, fit into the memory of Eärendil. Elrond would have discreet signs in memory of Maglor, his adopted father, and of being a herald to Gil-Galad during these times.

Elladan walked back into the main chamber with the circlet. Elrohir had been drifting while Elladan was out of the room, but when he detected his brother, he woke up again and watched him.

The older twin approached and set the circlet on Elrohir's knee, "I hope grandfather will accept the lack of flaunting. It will be a relief not do that this year."

Elrohir eyed the head piece thoughtfully.

"Estel will not have to call us chickens…"

"You can…do it, alone." Elrohir interrupted.

Elladan raised a brow. "Breaking tradition will not do anyone harm. In fact, it might be better if we break it."

Elrohir looked at him carefully.

Elladan tilted his head to the side. "It is a _dance_ , Elrohir. Nothing significant. Do not worry about it."

Elrohir's expression turned sour at that and he looked away, "Not right."

Elladan found himself baffled. This was one of the rarer, more challenging scenes. "Talk to me," he pressed non-intrusively.

"I don't know!" Elrohir hissed, "Stop, ask-ing me…" He trailed off in a whisper.

Elladan looked mildly sad. He took the sign: Elrohir needed to be alone. Elladan exhaled softly. "I will be back in a while." And he turned to leave.

Elrohir remained laying on his couch. He did not watch his twin go. He sighed wearily and felt his head throb dully.

Now where was that ent he just saw outside?

* * *

Estel presently worked extra hard to get his studies done. He was almost finished for the rest of the week. This time he sat in the hall, deeply focused in his work. The human occasionally looked up to see what was happening, seeing a few passersby as they went on their way to do whatever.

Things were quiet this new year.

The elves' way of celebrating was something he was used to: a reflection of the year's events, ranging from the happy and joyful all the way down to the sad and less favorable things. Estel did not think there were a lot of bad things that happened this year, aside from the accident in the pass, obviously he had not been paying attention.

'Well…it is not _all_ gloomy.' Estel mused. 'There are smiles still about and people are talking about the good. There have just been enough things of concern to warrant a slightly somber air…'

Or these past months and his feelings about it all were being projected out into this event, and thus making it seem like things were much gloomier .

Estel closed the book and let out a puff of air. It seemed they needed to have a change of perspective. This was the perfect time to have that change…it would do them benefit to try.

Everything was not the same…Estel still tried to digest these new changes the rockslide had enforced on them. Being back in the main house gave him that realization. This place was where "normal" happened, not the abnormal. Back in the other place, that made things easier: a different place and circumstances were different, so different could be managed.

Here in the house, there was supposed to be smiles and laughter all around, at least from his family. None of that remained: Elrond was pensive and his age showed a lot more than it used to before. The twins…

Estel looked up and his heart skipped a beat momentarily when he saw Elladan walking, eerily silent as elves normally are. The twin did not regard the adolescent and continued on his way. Estel knew he should not interrupt, but he could not help it: he set the book aside and stood from his seat.

"Brother?" He called out timidly.

Elladan stopped in his tracks. He did not turn immediately, and Estel felt a little afraid that he indeed made a mistake.

"Estel…" The elf said finally, and turned to face him. "I am sorry, I did not notice you."

The human breathed a sigh in his mind and shrugged outwardly. "I was out of the way anyway."

Elladan smirked.

Estel hesitated for a moment. "How do you fare?"

The elf said nothing immediately. He lowered his eyes to the floor. "Tired; as much as things are improving still, it has been an uneven walk as of late." He turned and started walking again.

Estel followed, "What of Elrohir?"

"He is still settling in, I believe…I am not sure if we timed the move correctly, for he keeps becoming agitated for some reason or another." Elladan frowned. "It is a new pattern I have to figure out, and so far, I am failing in that."

Estel pondered this briefly, and recalled the comparisons he had made a few minutes ago. "We are all expecting things to be the way it was before all this happened…We are not actively thinking about it, but it is there."

Elladan answred naught.

Estel bit his cheek. "Elrohir is very likely seeking that out, and I would not blame him for wanting that."

Elladan had stopped walking when they reached a balcony. His shoulders slumped. "I must be overthinking everything again, to miss that small detail." He looked at the man, "Our wisdom is finally rubbing off on you."

Estel grinned at the comment. "I have you to thank for that."

Elladan looked away. "I admit to not being wise as of late."

Estel had nothing to say in answer, so they stood in companionable silence for a time.

Then the young man asked another question. "Was there more calamity this year than I thought there was, or is it just me that feels a more solemn air this time?"

Elladan exhaled softly. "Trust me, Estel, you are not alone in that feeling."

* * *

Elrond regarded the scene thoughtfully.

Elrohir had curled up on the couch and slept (Elrond spread a blanket over him when he first entered), and Velegdal was sprawled across his eyes and forehead: the twin's hand resting on her back. Ever since Estel found the bunny, she recieved more than enough food, and had grown to be a large rabbit. A boon companion as well.

Animals always have their way with individuals that no person could ever replicate. Whatever the trait was, Velegdal was helping his son, and he was thankful for that.

He had been given daily reports of Elrohir's reaction to the transition. What he had heard almost made him deny Elrohir to attend the celebrations for his sake, even though Elrohir would likely become upset with that.

Elrond still allowed permission, however. The issues were not too concerning to have him intervene. He would let Elrohir try to decide what he wanted to do. Elrohir had gotten to that stage of trying to rule his life once more, at least in the small things.

The father regarded the rabbit again, 'Continue what you are doing, little one.'

And he let Elrohir be.

* * *

 _...I tried to have a pensive mood for this: not heartbreaking sad, but not too happy either._


	22. New Year (Interlude II)

_A/N Hopeful tracks were played: "Elbereth Gilthoniel III" by Tolkein Ensemble, "High Elves of Waterfall Sanctuary" by Brandon Fiechter._

* * *

It was dark and the stars were numerous in the sky. All who were not elves felt the cold, but Estel did not mind it at all, given his own formal gear was quite warm.

Some were already lifting soft and gentle songs and hymns into the air. There was appreciation for the good they had been blessed with this year, but with a hint of solemnity for the bad too. In the tones were of hope for an even better year.

Estel was in the twins' suite, as Elladan helped Elrohir braid his hair (and to conceal the shaved part on his scalp).

They had their regalia donned: long tunics of silver and their over robes of white. Golden strands were sewed into various places to create the vague image of feathers.

To the mortal, elven formal gear was something very otherworldly; it numbed his mental faculties to enter a state akin to dreaming. It indeed made his brothers look like they stepped out of the sky, or out of Valinor. Their wing-like cloaks did not help a lot in keeping his ability to think intact.

Elrohir sat in a slouch, his arms loosely folded as his twin finished the simple braiding. Elrohir revealed almost nothing in his expression, except intense focus, and it made him appear mildly stern as a result. He would not embarrass himself this night, he would exert his very being into making that happen.

Elladan set the circlet on Elrohir's head. After a moment of stillness... "Are you ready?"

Elrohir said nothing in response. He reached for his stave, and stood up and leaned on it. It was obvious that he leaned heavily on it, but to Estel's eyes if he did not know what had happened, he would not have suspected anything was wrong, as Elrohir looked like a sage.

Which…would be a true thing.

Estel stood up and left the room, while the twins made their way at Elrohir's pace, and they got made good distance all things considered.

Elrond stood nearby at the entrance to the festive field, where garlands with blue lights sat in stone pedestals and garlands in the bare trees. When he saw his progeny, he smiled at them, while simultaneously trying not to let fatherly concern for Elrohir drown out the pride he felt in him. Estel took his position next to his father: the left side. Elladan remained with Elrohir while the younger twin also stood to the left, after waving his hand to shoo Elladan's help away. Elladan's face fell slightly. Thankfully the look did not last long, and he stood to the right.

They proceeded in this way.

The field was large and much of the snow had been cleared away from it. Almost all the elves present wore blue and white, to represent the stars above. The three that did not wear those colors, were Glorfindel, Tathardes, and Erestor. The laiquendi wore the colors of dark green and had draped preserved foliage as their mantles and woven into their hair. Glorfindel wore the colors of his household: white and gold.

The three figures stood in a line: Glorfindel at the center, Erestor to the right, and Tathardes to the left. The Vanya held a glowing orb in his hands, and the laiquendi each held an instrument in their hands: the elf-maid a harp, and the elf-man a flute.

A few elves of like manner stood around the perimeter: one with an orb not nearly as big as Glorfindel's, while others had their respective instruments.

Elves were already slowly dancing within the perimeter when their respective lords came into view. Some showed very respective looks towards Elrohir, and he tried very hard to ignore that uncomfortable feeling of being watched, not wanting to waver now.

All watched Elrond, and the lord of the Vale gave the silent command for all to commence.

The orb-bearers lifted their lights up: they glowed a bit more intensely than before. The musicians began their music, the dancers resumed their graceful steps. Before long, the first hymn was sung.

The house of Elrond sat at their respective table and watched as the ceremony took place. Estel sat entranced by the sight, his soul rejuvenated by the beauty of this spectacle and the music being played. Most of the atmosphere expressed appreciative joy, hardly any sadness was present, but the solemnity kept its presence known, even if it was subtle. All else embodied good and uplifted hearts.

The event drifted long into the night. Estel had fallen asleep in his seat and dreamt peacefully. Elladan tried so very hard to not take part in any of the dancing, wanting to stay true to his word about the non-importance of it and to suffer with Elrohir's inability to participate in full, but an elf-maid kept on insisting. When he looked at Elrohir, to convey his message, the younger twin looked at him with a pleading expression.

The look said: 'Enjoy yourself, do not let me hinder you.'

Elladan felt void and resigned as the elf-maid practically dragged him out of his seat, leaving a sleeping Estel, their father, and brother alone. The feeling did not last forever, and Elladan felt a glimmer of happiness fill his heart again.

Elrond did not pay much attention to the dancing or the music, instead his eyes were constantly to the sky. Eärendil's star flickered brightly as midnight passed and another hymn was being sung. Then he turned his attention to Elrohir.

Elrohir had reached his limit, and the forced overpowering of his body via his fëa was beginning to disappear. His eyes did not stay in one place for long before moving onto the next thing of interest. Yet there were no obvious signs of sorrow or other ill emotions. If anything, he was content.

Which made Elrond feel glad, more than this whole ceremony ever could.

Elrond rose from his seat and gently pulled Elrohir by the arm, knowing well his son did not want to cause an episode now, especially not after everything had been going so well thus far. No one noticed them leave the field, or if they did, they kept their peace and did not stare.

The lord of Imladris and Elrohir walked (the twin being guided, rather) to a quiet corner. A shudder went through Elrohir and he stumbled; Elrond kept him up while the twin gripped his sire's forearms to support himself as he regained his equilibrium. He kept his head bowed.

Elrond waited to see if Elrohir would speak. The second son of the elf-lord lifted his head, and though he looked like he was in another delirium, he was happy, given the smile on his face.

"I did it." He whispered slowly.

"Yes, you did." Elrond indulged, "How do you feel?"

"…I'm…re-vived."

The father's heart soared.

Elrohir finally made eye contact. "Thank you, Ada."

Elrond smiled, "You are welcome, my child. I believe you have earned your rest now."

Elrohir hummed in response.

With that, they went back to the main house, hearing the last few lines of a hymn from afar, and with a good start of a new year.


	23. Day in the Life

_A/N Well...here's the next bit. I again tried to be in the middle: not sad but not happy._

 _I am in a writing crisis: in the sense of trying to improve it. Do you prefer the periods over the commas before the dialogue, or do you like it with the commas? If you like periods: I will go back and edit that in in all the other chapters._

 _Muindor is brother._

* * *

He woke up…at a snail's pace, after another night absent of dreams.

Elrohir tried to keep himself calm as much as his foggy conscious allowed. Sometimes his body had trouble keeping up with his mind after being asleep for a long time, making him temporarily paralyzed. Two months prior this did not occur, for Elrohir never reached that deep level of sleep, because he kept waking up for one cause or another. These episodes where his spirit and body felt disconnected did not happen every morning, thankfully.

Elladan was not next to him; Elrohir could not hear him or sense his presence…A couple of weeks ago Elladan wanted to set up a routine, and that included when Elrohir wanted to get up and start the day. This either meant that it was early morning and Elrohir miraculously managed to wake up without needing to be prodded…Or something was wrong.

The younger twin hoped it was the former.

Surely enough, everything came into line again, and he opened his eyes. Darkness filled the room, so his earlier (now fading) idea of it being morning was true.

Elrohir closed his eyes again and breathed slowly. He felt dull inside. Each day passed in monotony and little happened to be exciting. He would wake up, eat, read a little bit before he had to nap, eat again, and then go to sleep. It annoyed and frustrated him.

There were some good things, though. He could walk without needing help beyond using the staff. He could articulate words clearly when he was not exhausted. He could keep up with conversation and news…but he still would forget.

Then there were the blackouts and hallucinations.

Elrohir felt the place where his skin was cut open begin to throb, and he slowly lifted a hand to rub it. The visible wounds from the procedure were long gone, though what happened underneath the skin is what incited this pain.

Elrohir thought about his current situation…

Life was not too bad, if he was honest…but it was not good either. Right now, it was unfulfilling and he despised it.

He was still bound to Elladan, Elrohir had not sought to be released from that yet…he felt sure he did not want to be released. He could not trust himself with anything like he used to.

Like before.

Elrohir discerned the little lump of fur curled into his side and he moved a hand to rest on Velegdal's back. The rabbit seemed to understand him. He would share a lot more of his thoughts with her than he did anyone else. Elrohir developed a habit of speaking to himself when alone (or when he thought he was alone) as a result. Elrohir knew it made him appear crazy, especially since the others knew about the hallucinations, but he had to hear his own voice…It helped keep himself together.

As much as Elrohir felt glad he woke up early without help, he found little motive to get up and start the day. He wished he could see what his family's faces would be like if he did get up…Alas, he lacked the energy and will.

He would try another day...

* * *

Elladan looked out the window and towards the sun. Nine in the morning at the end of January. The sky had been without many clouds lately, and some of the snow had started to melt. There would be some more snowfall before spring ended the winter, but it was refreshing to see the bare ground again.

The half-elf turned his attention to his brother. Elrohir was not so restless anymore in his sleep, though he tossed and turned every now and then. Elrohir always said he did not dream. Elladan believed he did, but instead of elven dreams where it was vivid and _real_ , they were indistinct, unclear, and it faded from memory when one woke up…like that of a mortal. Elladan felt some apprehension concerning this. As Elrohir's brain healed, new quirks came to replace the old. The older twin was not sure what the next quirk would turn out to be, or when.

Elladan regarded the bunny silently. Velegdal sat between the space of Elrohir's neck and shoulder, awake with whiskers twitching away contently.

Elladan breathed quietly. It was time for the morning ritual.

The elder placed his hand on Elrohir's forehead. "Muindor, wake up."

He got no response. Elladan repeated the phrase a few more times before he felt a twitch. The older twin moved his hand to Elrohir's shoulder after that. A few moments later Elrohir blinked his eyes open.

"Elrohir?" Elladan questioned softly to be sure.

Elrohir answered naught, instead he took time to reorient himself and looked outside. A thoughtful look crossed his features, "Wasn't too far off…" He murmured.

Elladan blinked, "Too far from what?"

Elrohir rolled his eyes back to his sibling. The expression he had showed far too much unease and hesitation about what he wanted to say. He even appeared to be ashamed for even speaking for what sounded like a random thought. "…I…woke, early."

Elladan maintained a calm aura, but he allowed a pleased smile to reveal what he felt inside at the admission. "That is good to hear, brother. We are finally making some progress." He removed his hand.

Elrohir lay quietly as Elladan walked around the small chamber. When the older twin placed a set of clothes at the foot of the bed, Elrohir finally started to sit up. Velegdal hopped away. The twins each glanced at each other, not saying anything.

Elladan left Elrohir to his privacy.

Elladan watched the outdoors while Elrohir dressed. Balancing this new routine, Elrohir, and his work, the mental strain put into it wore him out. He gave his help, as Elrohir never truly pushed him away. Elrohir was very aware of the fact that he still needed help and a small bit of supervising. Neither of them liked it, but it could not be avoided, and they dealt with it as best as they were able.

Elrohir rarely confided anything to him now, unless it was a matter of grave importance. Elladan could read him easily though, even if Elrohir had been struck dumb. Yet Elladan respected his twin's effort in trying to keep some of his damaged dignity and pride by not pressing him, and treasured the moments when Elrohir did speak.

The elder looked over his shoulder. Elrohir stood at the archway leaning on his staff with lazy posture, his eyes set onto nothing.

Elladan moved to the door to the hallway. The movement caught Elrohir's attention and the younger watched. Elrohir forced himself to look upright and lordly, as people would be seeing them in the hallway, and he approached the door. Elladan opened it, and they left the room.

* * *

Estel stared at his food as if ants crawled all over it.

He had a small growth spurt a week ago, and the slight deepening of his voice disturbed him. Estel felt a little awkward in his movements and whenever he spoke.

Everyone he met teased him good naturedly and he took it with a blush and a smile, though growing up stayed a scary thing regardless.

But him growing up was not what was bothering him.

Elrond sat across from the boy whose birthday was in two months. "You have not touched your food. What is on your mind?"

Estel's head shot up and he blushed. He always felt embarrassed lately. "Well…I'm…worried."

"About what?"

"Nana…The snow is melting at fast pace. Do you think she is coming back?"

Elrond raised a brow ere speaking in a reassuring tone. "Your mother is alright, little one. If you want me to I can send a falcon to inquire of her whereabouts.

"No, that…will not be necessary. Thank you, Ada." Estel's face felt warm.

Elrond smiled at the man. The soon to be fifteen-year-old showed a lot of self-conscious behavior and it amused him. "You do not have to try so hard at being mature, Estel. You still have a few years left before you are fully expected to behave such."

That did not help reassure Estel. "I know but…I got to start somewhere."

"It will come naturally, Estel. Do not think too hard on it."

 _That_ helped, and Estel sighed and his shoulders sagged.

Elrond's ear twitched and he turned his head to behold his first two children enter. Elladan stood still while Elrohir walked in with a forced image of complete health. Elrond did not let his face fall at the sight. Elrohir should not have to act as if nothing was wrong when in the presence of his loved ones…

"Good day, father. Estel." Elladan greeted brightly.

Estel nodded his head in their direction.

Elrond waved a brief hand and kept a discreet eye as Elrohir sat down at his respective seat silently. "I hope the night treated you well." The father said.

"Chilly and quiet." Elladan turned his eyes to Elrohir.

Elrohir tensed under the scrutiny of three pairs of eyes. In a quiet voice he finally whispered, "Fine…"

Elrond offered a faint smile before returning to Elladan. "Any news from abroad?"

"All is well."

And the small talk began. Estel and Elrohir shared mutual silence while the other two spoke.

Estel did not bother to hide his worry and concern. To his eyes, Elrohir had slowed down in his healing. It was there, obviously, but it did not show itself in large steps anymore. Elrohir's leg healed fine. It might take a little while longer before he could stand on it without aid…at this slowed rate however, Estel was not sure when that would be.

Elrohir had lost interest in working towards those higher goals.

The elf himself, in the meantime, felt anxious and by extension: stressed. There was no reason for this anxiety…much like other emotions he felt at random. They simply _happened_ , and it made life more difficult than it already was. And stress led to the bad things and thereby making everyone else miserable.

The younger twin heard words with no meaning, instead he focused on subduing his uncontrollable moods.

Unfortunately, that could only be achieved if he was left alone and out of everyone's way.

"Elrohir?" Elrond called him out of the mist he had lost himself to.

Elrohir snapped his eyes to his father. Elladan and Estel also were looking at him, and that did not help either.

Ashamed, Elrohir did what he thought was best. He grabbed his staff and stood up, "I'm sorry…" he whispered regretfully. Elrohir gave a hard look at Elladan. "Don't follow."

The rest of the family watched sadly as the second son left them.

"Something is wrong." Estel broke the silence a few minutes later. "Ada, Elrohir is not healing-"

"Yes, he is, Estel." Elrond cut him off effectively. The father looked to his eldest with an unvoiced question.

Elladan breathed. "There is lack of interest, but I would not blame him for that...given what he is allowed to do."

"But that lack of motivation is having a poor effect on his health." Estel stated, unintentionally sounding mature.

Elladan frowned. "I know…but what can we do?"

The brothers cast their eyes to their father.

Elrond looked at each of them. "You know what I will say."

Both sets of shoulders slumped in unison. They knew. This is part of the process.

It never lessened the pain however, even if it was normal and necessary for Elrohir to get anywhere.

Elrond pondered for a moment. "Challenge yourselves," he began. "…I will relieve you of your assignments to give you time. Find something that can bring your brother out of this hole he is in. Do not be forceful though, or it will be for naught."

Elladan and Estel nodded their understanding, and they began to use their heads.

* * *

Elrohir brought himself to a quiet room with a table and chair. He had his upper body on the table as he waited for his head to stop swimming. Light headedness warned of a blackout, he figured out that much by now. Whether it happened or not was left to fate. Elrohir wanted to be safe in case it-

…

Elrohir opened bleary eyes and assessed his surroundings. He did not recall coming here. Why was he here? He was walking in the hallway, feeling uneasy again, and he…

Oh, that was why…and _that_ just happened.

Elrohir pressed his forehead into the bend of his arm, and with a couple of fingers rubbed his brow. If he had any energy before, it had been sucked out of him again. Elrohir had to wait for the lethargy to pass…

He must have dozed on the table, because someone had their hand on his shoulder the next moment he was aware, calling his name…not his name.

"Come on, elfling, there are better places to lounge than the table."

Elrohir made a half groan in response. He was not supposed to behave like an elfling; he was _far_ too old for that. Still, he did not want to be bothered. Not now. Not ever.

"Elrohir? Elrohir, if you are not going to show any signs of being alright, I am going to get help."

Elrohir heard and interpretated that as a threat. Perhaps it was not a threat…but it sounded like one. The younger twin forced himself to make eye contact with the speaker. Elrohir stared irritated at Glorfindel.

The Vanya was not phased, and continued with his firm yet gentle prodding. "Good to see you too, elfling. Why are you in here alone?"

Elrohir stared out the window, not raising his head or moving his arms. "I'ws too much…" He sighed.

Glorfindel frowned. "You have to be clearer than that, Elrohir. Can you elaborate, or am I forbidden from knowing?"

The twin did not answer.

Glorfindel exhaled out his nose. "Alright…I will stand in this corner here until you continue…or you leave me by my lonesome."

Elrohir had mixed feelings about the light tone Glorfindel used. The Vanya stayed true to his word and did stay for a _long_ time. Elrohir did not feel stressed out though, so there was that. Eventually, the twin pulled himself upright off the table and leaned back into the chair.

He continued looking out the window. "I felt overcome…again…Had to get away."

"Why did you feel overwhelmed?"

"No reason…" Elrohir's mouth curved downward. "No reason why I feel half the things I do."

"What do you feel now?"

This made Elrohir shoot daggers at the elf-lord. "Why ask this? Is it not obvious?"

"Calm." Glorfindel requested, and Elrohir tried hard to do that. The Vanya continued. "We know you are easily irritated and unsettled, elfling, and we try hard not to fuel those emotions if we can. What we are trying to do is to understand you better, and we need your involvement to do that." Glorfindel paused. "Why do you not speak? Do you fear something?"

'Stop asking questions.' "You don't understand…"

"If I may say otherwise: I do understand to a certain level. I have been hit in the head many times by Erestor and Ecthelion combined, _and_ I have had wounds that made me want to rip myself apart to get the insect out." Glorfindel sighed. "Elrond has had his moments too, I am sure."

Elrohir said nothing at once, now reminded of his thoughts that morning. His lot could have been a lot worse, and the life he had at present was not _terrible_. But it could be better... "What's your meaning?"

"Trying to get you out of your self-pity, Elrohir." Glorfindel answered easily enough. "You have made a lot of progress these past months, it would not do well for you to give up after so much time and energy have been expended. Now," Glorfindel crossed his arms. "What would you like to do?"

Elrohir's brows came together at the sudden question. "I-I don't…no, thank you."

"Not an answer." Glorfindel's mouth curved up. "What do you want to do?"

Elrohir did not know what he wanted…Some things he knew he could not do, but so desperately wanted to. The things he could do did not hold his interest. Other activities…he was in the dark about, either unsure if said activity was allowed or if he could find enjoyment in it. Unless his memory played false again, he felt sure Glorfindel is the first person to ask him this question.

Elrohir went through the very small list of things he thought he wanted to do...and places he wanted to see again. "…Training field…?"

"Then there we shall go." Glorfindel looked to the exit and then back to the twin.

Elrohir shook his head and made motion to stand by himself.

The Vanya stood out in the hall. "Still no dreams?" He asked when Elrohir was within normal-speaking range.

Elrohir shook his head again.

'Well…let us see if this will help.' Glorfindel thought.

* * *

Erestor set aside a letter from the rangers to Elladan's pile, quiet and efficient in his work.

Then he felt the moron knock on his mind's door.

'What do you want, Glorfindel?' He asked politely.

'Are you overdue for your monthly insults, my friend?'

Erestor blinked. 'My what?'

'The field, Erestor. Get your acting skills equipped. For Elrohir.'

Erestor blinked again. He eyed the parchment and quill in his hands, and set them down. 'You asked for it.'

'I know, and that is the fun part.' Glorfindel answered cheekily.


	24. To Shine or Not to Shine

_A/N Well...three months later or so. I lost inspiration for everything at first (plus playing Minecraft), then school started, and for the past month it's been a cycle of anger/grief, electronic confiscation, and bad depression because I'm more of a negative thinker than positive half the time. I've finally broken out of that cycle, and may the Lord help keep it that way. I feel a lot better if you must know, enough to finally get A chapter finished._

 _I really wanted to do two chapters, but since it was late when I finished this chapter (which I started before my absence happened) it wouldn't be wise of me to be doing super late-nighters. I'm not really inspired enough to do a chapter every week yet, but we'll see. I do have some ideas on how I wish for this to go-perhaps getting closer to the end when we reach a certain plot idea I have in store. I didn't feel like this was going to be good quality, because I literally felt like I was going to be rusty; you are the judges though._

 _Two months ago was the anniversary of when I posted the first chapter._

* * *

"A new horse," Estel mentioned out loud. "Have we done that yet?"

"It has been covered, we just have to introduce Elrohir to him."

Estel made a face. "I was not aware of that."

Elladan stared ere looking at something else. He sighed, "I have nothing that has not been tried."

"I have another one."

Elladan raised a brow, "Oh?"

Estel looked mischievous. "You are not allowed to know."

The twin frowned, "Why?"

"Because you can't."

Elladan tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, "I will be watching you."

Estel did not look concerned by the threat.

The levity disappeared quickly after that. Estel and Elladan, when they finished eating, left to find themselves a place to contemplate. They came up with nothing that could elevate Elrohir's mood: they had hit a boulder on the road.

Elladan lifted a hand to cover his eyes. "He is both easy to read and hard to understand. What used to bring him joy no longer does…"

Estel looked sad by the admission and lowered his gaze. Some of his fears finally were true and it weighed on his heart. He had not really spent time with Elrohir lately, finding it hard to do so, as the elf really had changed.

For the mortal, he was learning early on how life operated. And it tends to lean toward unfairness.

Estel's head shot up as he saw Elladan stand up looking guilty. "I have neglected Elrohir for too long."

Estel blinked rapidly and had to jog down the hall as Elladan left their "council" so abruptly. "Brother-"

"Estel," Elladan interrupted. "Who is to say what he will do when left alone for too long, or what could happen. For all we know…" he exhaled again, shoulders slumped. "I do not want to think what the possibilities could be."

"But we have others that can look out for him too."

"I care not." Elladan answered with some bite in his tone, before sounding resigned again. "I am supposed to be his keeper, or he mine in these sorts of situations. I am failing in keeping to that."

Estel bit his lip and his depression increased. He hated this new reality; hated what it has turned his family into. Hated what it did to Elrohir and Elladan…Hated what it was doing to him in turn.

It broke the two people he treasured deeply; revealing persons he did not wish to know. It revealed aspects he never wished to see. If only different choices were made that day, this could have been avoided. Alas that it was not so.

The young man reached out and pulled his brother to a stop. Elladan turned his head and waited for him to speak.

"You have not had the chance to let any steam out lately, have you?" Estel questioned shyly.

Elladan blinked in subdued surprise. "No, I have not. I do not think I ever thought about it." He shook his head. "No, I cannot right now. I need to know, I need to be sure…"

Estel let Elladan pull away from his grasp to return to his search. Estel sighed and quietly followed behind, having nothing better to do but help. And help Elladan regain composure should he have a meltdown from worry in the near future.

* * *

They found no sign of Elrohir inside the main house. Elladan grew frantic, but he took comfort by the fact that Elrohir, through their bond, was not showing any signs of distress. Still, it did not help them in _finding_ him.

'I know you do not mean to do this to me, but it makes it so much easier if you did not wander like this!' Elladan mentally yelled in frustration.

Estel became anxious when they found no trace either. Elladan finally acquiesced to the need to vent his emotions and they walked to the place best for it. When the man and elf got closer to the training grounds, they heard something peculiar going on and could see a small crowd. They heard some laughter as well, and the words became clearer as they got closer.

"Oh, such uncouth words coming from one such as yourself! Why, I do not think you _are_ who you claim to be!"

"Who is to say my words are uncouth? You do not understand my tongue!"

"By your gesturing and irritated tone, I _do_ understand."

Unfamiliar words followed and then more laughter.

"My lord, we should deal with this rebel at once! A follower of stone is not worthy to be in the presence of the lord of sticks," pitched in a new voice.

Elladan and Estel felt some amusement rise in their hearts, especially realizing the owners of two voices. They broke through the foliage and beheld the scene in full.

A drama was playing out: executed humorously by Glorfindel and Erestor. A couple other cadets were a part of it, acting out whatever role seemed right for the scene. They had successfully gained an audience it seemed, as any drama being played out by two of Imladris' esteemed lords was worth to watch.

Glorfindel looked very offended by the cadet's words while Erestor had his back turned to the golden-head, smug and amused at the same time. Glorfindel lifted his chin up.

"Oh, I see: no guests are allowed? What does the lord say about this behavior?"

The four actors looked to the person being referred to, and Elladan and Estel felt greatly shocked and immensely relieved by the sight. Elrohir sat on the trunk of a twisted tree. He could not keep up with the fast conversation, but he looked very much entertained.

And _happy_.

The younger twin glanced at Glorfindel and dramatized to look like he was thinking. With a faint smile, he looked to the laiquendë as if conveying a message.

Erestor turned to face Glorfindel after receiving the "message". "You came at such an inconvenient time-with no invitation either! Who can vouch for your innocence-that you have come with no evil intent?"

"Excuse me for my ill-demeanor, _master_ ," Glorfindel replied sarcastically and folded his arms. "My own master sent me to… _observe_. And so far, the hospitality is horrible."

Erestor guffawed and closed the distance, holding his own staff dangerously. He spoke in a language unfamiliar to all.

Glorfindel straightened again and looked even more affronted, "How dare you!"

"No evidence," Elrohir finally spoke, tiredly and slowly. "You came unannounced and never spoke your reasons why…Remove him."

Glorfindel gaped, Erestor smacked his arm with the staff. Glorfindel stepped away and harrumphed. "You have not heard the last of me. Mark my words!" And with that final "threat" he walked away.

That marked the end of the drama and those who understood the plot gave their applause. Elladan and Estel stayed silent: having not fully understood what happened. Elladan was more concerned about his twin than anything else. When most of the people had dispersed, Elladan approached the tree. Estel followed, but only for a short distance, while Erestor and Glorfindel (the latter having returned) let the brothers be.

"Elrohir," Elladan breathed; his heart still beat with an anxious rhythm.

Elrohir snickered slightly, now able to break character, and he glanced at Elladan with a smile. "Y-you missed it. T-they got c-creative this time."

Elladan smirked, "It sounds like it." He looked back to his tutors.

Glorfindel appeared well pleased with their success. "What number was that on the list, Erestor?"

"Twenty-Seven I think," replied the advisor. "That one was more suitable for people to jump in on. I daresay it surprised me that so many gathered this time."

"You clearly have forgotten the attention we grab whenever we put on these shows, Erestor." Glorfindel harrumphed. "Obviously it means that more must go on!"

Estel tried suppressing his laughter and Elladan snorted. The older twin took note of Elrohir's hand grasping his sleeve for support. "I wish we could have seen it in full instead of seeing the end."

"I can have it transcribed for you." Erestor offered. "Even I want to remember this for a time yet."

"We would appreciate it."

"Alas, duty calls," Glorfindel intervened. "I got enough beatings than I was expecting, and I do not want more for slacking off."

Elrohir's voice floated into the air finally, "Thank you…"

The golden-lord bowed gracefully and maintaining the dramatic flair to it. Erestor stayed in his place while he looked at Elladan. The older twin gave him the silent dismissal and the laiquendë bowed his head before he too left the small field.

The human approached his brothers, but he stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Elrohir did not seem to notice Estel yet as he looked off into space, still holding onto Elladan's sleeve.

Elladan placed a hand on the back of Elrohir's head. "Are you with us?"

Elrohir blinked a few times but otherwise did not respond. Not in the way they expected that is. "It's been a long time…D-dan?"

"I am here, Elrohir." Elladan frowned and shot a glance at Estel. The man also shared a concerned look. The elf glanced back at Elrohir and gently prodded Elrohir to stand up. "The lord of sticks needs his rest after holding court."

"No!" Elrohir snapped slightly and resisted the pull. Elladan paused, shocked and afraid of doing something to ruin his twin's day. Elrohir sat with tense shoulders before he let out a sigh. "I don't want to go back…" he said in a softer voice. "It's d-driving me insane, being there."

Elladan felt guilty at this admission after he realized what he tried to do. Slowly, he retracted his hand. "I am sorry…I was not thinking."

Elrohir waved a hand absently before shifting his weight onto his staff. His eyes went towards the direction of a small glade nearby. "Help me…W-we can be t-together there."

"Are…Do you want anything to eat?" Estel finally asked. "I mean, you did not exactly eat anything earlier."

Elrohir turned his head slightly toward the mortal, "Please."

Estel grinned at not being refused and he immediately started jogging away. The human sensed Elladan's calmer attitude now that he was with his twin, so Estel felt confident that things would be alright. Elladan knew how to deal with Elrohir better than he could.

* * *

When Elladan offered to help Elrohir stand this time Elrohir accepted it. In mutual silence, the twins walked towards the place that had caught Elrohir's interest. When they arrived, Elrohir made way to another tree and sat on the green sward. Elladan sat on the root nearby while Elrohir got comfortable.

Elladan glanced at Elrohir after a long pause. He had to keep Elrohir awake until Estel came back. Elrohir could be hard to wake up during the afternoon, and Elladan did not want to go through that. Not wanting it to be completely still, he asked a question that would not incite irritation. "What was the story about?"

Elrohir breathed out his nose and the smile came back on his face. "A-allusion towards the old d-debate of who's greater…G-glorfindel does an awfully g-good exaggeration of N-noldorin pride."

"And Erestor?"

"Is Erestor," Elrohir said simply. "T-the start…while Glorfindel and I were w-walking, E-erestor came from the t-trees and pulled me away, c-claiming that I w-was kidnapped by the evil stone-lord. H-he led me to the tree, and it a-all f-flowed from there."

Elladan thanked the two lords in his mind again and he smiled outwardly. "I look forward to reading the transcript. Adar may like it."

"H-he does…always does."

Elladan shifted a little and bit his lip, uneasy with the quiet that followed. Elrohir lost the smile and drifted into a peaceful calm. Elladan knew he should not prod, but he could not stand it. He did not want something like what happened months ago to repeat itself. "Elrohir?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me your thoughts?" Elladan asked softly.

Elrohir, of course, did not respond, and from Elladan's perspective, he could see the change in the younger twin's expression.

"You know why I ask, Elrohir. We have come a long way-"

"I already told Ada," Elrohir interrupted with some bitterness. "…b-before the new year."

"That was then, brother, this is now." Elladan kept a calm approach despite the fluctuation to Elrohir's mood. "If you opened up to Glorfindel, then that is all I need to know."

Elrohir bit his lip and rested his cheek against the root, "No…"

Elladan decided then to drop the subject completely, and he made no more comment on the matter.

Elrohir surprised him, however, as the younger twin seemed to crawl out of a cave he resided in. "I'm afraid, I'm tired, I'm f-frustrated…impatient, you c-could say."

Elladan nodded even though Elrohir would not see it.

Elrohir sighed, "I d-don't know how we can continue w-what we did before, Elladan…I'm v-vulnerable."

"It is nothing a helmet cannot fix," Elladan replied.

"It's not that alone…I-I don't know if I…will ever be the same. If this happens a third time…I'm not c-coming back."

Elladan frowned and placed his hand on Elrohir's head again. "Then live life now and do not worry about the what-ifs. You have no reason to worry right now."

"But I do," Elrohir complained. "I c-can't be an i-invalid…I have to do _s-something_."

Elladan did not answer immediately and he closed his eyes before reopening them. "Then here is something you can do, brother. Try and be happy: unburden yourself from these worries and please, _stop_ hiding. It hurts Adar to see you like this."

Elrohir made a half whine, out of annoyance rather than misery. "I d-don't want to w-wait…"

"I know, it is painful for me too to have to get up in the morning," Elladan answered with a small tease in his tone.

Elrohir lifted his head and stared. "Y-you deserve that."

"Velegdal is leaving gifts behind out of spite too I may add."

Elrohir bit his lip at that, and how bowed his head to hide a shy smile.

Elladan felt his heart rise with gladness seeing the change in Elrohir's demeanor. The play and finally speaking some of his concerns worked its magic. Elladan hoped it can continue this way, to avoid the inevitable difficulties to be easier to manage.

"Elladan, I brought more so you can participate. I knew that once you saw the food you would want it," called Estel.

The twins turned their gaze to the human and to the elf-maid he had to have help. Elladan blinked rapidly at the platter and indeed started desiring it. Elrohir smiled gratefully at his adopted-brother and at the other elf.

"Thank you for being considerate of me," said Elladan. "It would have added to my list of torments if I had to simply watch."

"Of course, but most of it is for Elrohir, mind you," Estel answered.

Elrohir in his silence listened to the banter. The busy afternoon had left him more tired than usual, and he was quite overdue for a nap. With the mini feast Estel brought, he felt sure his journey to sleep would be fast. At least this time, he had an appetite, and he felt thankful for that.

The permanent shadow on his heart allowed a little light to shine through today.


	25. I Don't Know

Two weeks passed in relative peace. Elrohir opened himself up a little since the day of the play. As promised, Erestor wrote down the drama on paper so the sons of Elrond could share it with their father. Elrond laughed aloud at the story, and it lightened everyone's hearts to hear that sound. Elrohir shared a tentative smile as he recalled the event, which made Elrond happier seeing some of his son beginning to resurface.

Elrohir grew more reckless however as time went on…

* * *

"You still need that stick to help you stand, brother." Elladan grunted as he hauled Elrohir to sit on the chair.

Elrohir said nothing as Elladan had to do most the work, appearing bitter and angry at the same time.

Elladan frowned at this change of mood. He had found Elrohir on the floor when he walked into their suite, unmoving. He feared a blackout, but when he asked, Elrohir denied it. Velegdal sat nearby her elf and moved away when Elladan came to assist his brother. "You should have said something, and Adar could have checked to make-"

"S-shut up," Elrohir snapped tiredly, eyes closed in a pained way.

"Elrohir?" Elladan asked with increasing concern.

"J-just go…g-get Ada," Elrohir muttered with a resigned voice.

Elladan was reluctant at first but he went to do as requested.

Elrohir started rubbing the place where his skull had holes drilled into it again. His arm trembled as he dug into the skin, hissing in response to the pain, and his fingers unwillingly moved away from the site. He knew it was a result of not rubbing the scarred layers that were cut and moved to reach his skull. As for his leg, it felt weak when he put pressure on it, and it made him frustrated knowing he still had to rely on something just to get around places.

When was this going to end?

Elrohir did not open his eyes hearing Elrond and Elladan come back to the room. Elrond looked at his son as he knelt next to the chair, saying nothing. Elladan stood nearby.

Elrohir felt his face flush in shame: for acting foolishly and unable to control himself.

"Do you want me to test the bone, Elrohir?" Elrond asked calmly.

Elrohir shook his head. "N-no…" he reluctantly said. Instead, his fingers went back to his head again. That he felt more at ease with sharing.

Elrond frowned at the gesture and he stood up. He gently moved the twin's fingers from the site and placed his own there. "I cannot tell you how your leg is without examining it, but I think we can start strengthening it some more. Enough time has passed."

"H-hurts," Elrohir groaned as the fingers pressed into his head. The admission made Elladan want to get closer, just in case.

"I can imagine." Elrond commented in a low tone. "The scarring around the skull has been allowed to harden." The pressure he placed on his son's head lessened as he let his fingers relax. He looked at Elrohir a little solemnly. "Do you think you can handle this now, or do you want to do it later?"

Elrohir shook his head. "P-please…now. Get it done with."

Elrond glanced at his eldest, and Elladan understood the unspoken command. Quietly, Elladan knelt on the floor before Elrohir and held out his arms. Elrohir gripped his forearms as something to hold onto to keep himself from interrupting Elrond.

Elrond started massaging the area in circular motions. Elrohir's hands clenched into fists, and Elladan hoped he was not going to get bruises for it. Elrohir made hissing noises and his shoulders tensed in response to the pain. It was not the extreme pain that he was accustomed to feeling, but it was just enough to incite more physical responses to cope with it.

To Elrohir's relief, it did not last forever. He was not sure if he felt the scarred tissue loosen or if it was the removal of the hands made it feel better. Regardless, the younger twin held his own head with his hands once he was able to.

Elrond rested a hand on Elrohir's shoulder while Elladan stood up again. They shared slightly grim looks with each other before Elrond glanced at the window; a thoughtful expression crossing his features. "They have crossed the Bruinen."

Elladan tilted his head and Elrohir moved his eye to look upward. "Who?" the firstborn asked.

"Gilraen and her company," Elrond said with a smile.

Elladan blinked stupidly before letting out an "oh!" in recollection. "I should get Estel."

Elrohir said nothing and he closed his eyes again.

Elladan looked at his brother and he sobered a little. "Do you want to go with me?" he asked softly.

Elrohir shook his head again.

Elladan frowned, but understood why Elrohir said no. "I will be back in a while." And with that he took his leave.

Elrond watched Elladan go before shifting his attention back to Elrohir. Elrohir's breaths were shaky as if he was on the verge of losing control over himself.

"I-I'm so tired with this," he said eventually. "It's e-eating away at me."

Elrond did not answer.

Elrohir sighed and his voice steadied out again. "It's like this…is all I have known. It's so short but so long…"

"It will not last forever," Elrond reassured. "I think you have hit another milestone in this walk."

Elrohir let his hands drop to his lap. "When will it stop? I want it to stop…"

"I think it will be soon, my son, sooner than you may think." Elrond removed his hand and walked a few steps before turning his head. "Will you be alright alone?"

Elrohir nodded this time. "I-I won't try again…"

"You know where we will be," Elrond said as he left the suite.

Elrohir sat in the chair feeling numb for quite some time. He did not know how to feel, or how he had felt these past couple weeks. He thought he felt better, but this cloud still hovered. And then there was him falling onto the floor, which ruined his mood and outlook on things. Maybe this act of boldness was a good sign?

He hoped so.

Elrohir noticed Velegdal that approached him, standing on her back feet like a puppy with her front paws on his knee. The elf leaned down to pick the bunny up, and he held her close to his face.

* * *

"Nana!" Estel cried for joy as he skipped down the steps towards his mother.

Gilraen had only been on the ground for a moment before she was dogpiled. She wrapped her arms around her son. "Oh Estel, I have missed you."

"And I you, nana," Estel answered in a muffled voice.

Elladan stood by the steps smiling at the reunion, and he turned his head to see Elrond walking out too. The elf-lord looked happy. "It is good to see you returned, Gilraen."

The woman looked at the elf-lord and his son with a nod and a smile. "I would have been back sooner, but the snows were deep, I doubt our horses could have made it through alive."

The elves noticed the other party-member that apparently escorted Gilraen back. Halbarad was being smothered with hugs from the adolescent, and Estel did not look like he was going to let go of his friend anytime soon.

Elladan laughed and approached the man. "Mae govannen, mellon nín."

"I return the greetings, but I cannot voice them yet." Halbarad took a step back. "We are going to fall over if you do not let go, boy."

"Fine," Estel sighed reluctantly and pulled away. "Are you here to stay for my birthday, Halbarad?"

The older ranger hummed. "Maybe not this trip, but I could come back next month."

Estel grinned widely before he went back to his mother.

Elladan glanced at Halbarad when Estel was out of earshot. "Is being an escort your new business?"

Halbarad lifted his chin up. "Only for one, mellon." He sobered up a little bit. "There is a little more reason for my visit, but not here." He looked around. "Where is your duplicate? I do not see him."

Elladan became serious at the implications, and even more so at Elrohir's whereabouts. The twin looked back to Estel and Gilraen as they approached Elrond. "Elrohir cannot be here at this time."

Halbarad frowned though it disappeared when Elrond spoke. "Come, my friends. I am sure there is much to share from your journey."

Elladan and Halbarad stepped to lingering behind the elf-lord, Estel, and Gilraen.

* * *

Elrohir did watch the proceedings from a balcony and out of sight. Erestor's dog rested at his feet while he sat in a chair. The thought of Gilraen becoming a constant presence again unsettled him: she had to become part of this new normal, a normal he did not want to change too often. But Halbarad, oh no…he did not like that.

It made him quite agitated to think about it.

There were only so many places he could linger around in for so long before the inquiries grew more frequent and the others would have to cave in eventually. Elrohir's grip on his staff tightened and he pressed his forehead into the wood. He did not want to deal with this, he did not want these changes to be happening. He felt disgusted with himself when frustrated tears started to brim in his eyes.

Elrohir wished it would all just go away…

The fog weighed down enough to make him unaware of people coming. Dolmardo whined in excitement as she stood up and made her way over to her owners. Someone brushed a hand against Elrohir's forehead and it was enough to rouse him from his stupor.

Tathardes kept her hand on the crown of his head while Erestor crouched to be eye level with the twin.

Elrohir felt angry and he jerked away from the touch. "Why are you here?"

"I think you were close to fainting," Erestor answered smoothly. "You appeared out of it."

Elrohir felt his chest tighten. "H-how long?"

"Only a moment," Tathardes provided.

Elrohir shook his head. "No…I am r-regressing, am I?" He panicked.

"No. Try to stay calm and stop thinking about it." Erestor said firmly, "Just breathe."

Elrohir closed his eyes and did that, again feeling the hand brush against his head in a slow manner. It was soothing, and it tickled at the same time, as the nerves around his head still were rather sensitive. A few minutes passed before the younger twin opened his eyes again, feeling tired and it showed.

Erestor seemed thoughtful before he spoke in a softer tone. "I doubt the idea of you getting worse, Elrohir. You may be hiccupping a little due to stress, but it is not the same thing."

"I know," the half-elf replied, irritated again. "S-stop assuming I don't know."

Erestor bit the inside of his mouth. "I apologize for my choice of words." He paused, "Why do you think you are feeling this way?"

The irking increased immensely when Elrohir thought about the question, and if he answered, it essentially was the reason Erestor just stated: stress. He remained silent on the question and the tears came back. "I shouldn't feel or act this way…" he finally admitted.

"There is not much that can be done about that other than letting it play out," Erestor stated that simple truth. Elrohir always denied that truth and tried his hardest to stay in control. More often than not it always backfired. "It is hard to let it be that way, but it is. Our heads are beyond our comprehension."

"I-I wish I wasn't aware." Elrohir said sourly. "I wish I d-didn't have to experience it."

Erestor and Tathardes shared brief looks of alarm, although they got their composure back quickly. Erestor sighed softly. "If you were not conscious, you would be in a worse state than you are now. I am pretty sure that is not something you want."

Vague memories surfaced in Elrohir's mind and his spine shivered at the strange half-nightmarish dreamscape he had been stuck in those six months and the hallucinations from only being half awake all that time ago. No…he did not want to experience that again, even if it meant not being aware of how dire the situation could be.

Elrohir exhaled. "I don't know what I want…"

"I think you do not want to be alone right now," Tathardes said softly.

Elrohir mentally affirmed it, but he was too tired to do much else. Erestor and Tathardes held their vigil as Elrohir quietly drifted.

* * *

Elrond, Elladan, and Halbarad held a quiet conference with each other. Earlier Gilraen and the ranger shared what happened while they were journeying and what they encountered. Estel ate it up, and eventually, he and his mother left to spend some time together. The air became a bit more serious as they began to discuss Estel's future and some concerns in the Ettenmoors to the north.

Elladan suspected Halbarad assumed Elrohir was not in the valley at all, and this brought some temporary relief.

"The orcs keep coming, and they are starting to gather and become organized once more."

"Do they suspect something, still looking searching for any heirs?" Elrond asked slowly.

"Perhaps, perhaps not…but within the vale, he should be safe from that." Halbarad shook his head. "But this is still concerning, their numbers are too many to leave unnoticed."

"How many do you need?" Elladan spoke up finally.

The older ranger glanced at the twin. "A party of ten at least, and I would like you to be with them as well."

* * *

 _A/N Fix your website FFN. Stop the Network 1 Errors when I want to put a new document to update my story. ._. I had to erase one just to post this, and I hope the formatting didn't screw up because of it._

 _But oo, scary: cliffhanger? Also, I don't know if Halbarad and Estel knew each other before Estel was an adult, but for my purposes, yes, they did. I also have a poll up on my profile that relates to this story...so if you can vote, much appreciated. :)_

 _...I have been doing a lot of heavy research on comas and traumatic brain injury in general, and survival stories. I got to say...it's pretty serious stuff but also interesting at the same time. That's why this has the tragedy label on it._


	26. Not Supposed to be Here

Estel and Gilraen cuddled on a couch for a while before Estel simply lay with his head in her lap, and the mother stroked his face and head. Estel kept asking questions about her trip and journey; about the humans he never sees. Gilraen answered each of them with a small story to accompany them. Eventually, Gilraen said all that she could, and the room was silent for a while.

"So, what has happened here, Estel? How was the celebration?"

Estel's heart skipped a beat and he thought his face lost all color. 'How can I say this?' "New years…it was spectacular as always. I lost my brains temporarily and I woke up right as everyone threw the crystal dust into the air. I had to wash my eyes so I could see again."

Gilraen chuckled softly. "You become so enamored with the whole affair. You are a blessed child, Estel."

Estel bit his lip. "I know."

Gilraen frowned slightly at Estel's subdued tone, wondering what changed so quickly. "What else happened, my son? You seem sad all of a sudden."

Estel breathed slowly, wishing the tremor to disappear.

"Did Dolmardo pass away?"

"N-no…"

"Then what?" Gilraen questioned.

Estel had been desiring to vent on his mother ever since Elrohir fell to darkness. Although that would have been easier had she been there when this all started. He took a shaky breath and started his story. "My brothers and I were returning from a journey of our own…"

* * *

Elladan sagged into his seat as he felt his mind rage in rapid thought, his hands covering his eyes as he pressed his fingers to his head. "I cannot say no to Halbarad, but I cannot leave either!"

"Who is saying you have to leave, Elladan?" Glorfindel stated evenly. "I can lead the party."

Elladan shook his head. "No, Glorfindel. I might as well be counted as an orc because I spent so much time studying their tracks, their maneuvers, their everything. That is why Halbarad wants me, and I am sure Elrohir as well if he knew he was still here."

Glorfindel glanced at Elrond with a fake look of insult. "Does me fighting the Witch-King not matter?"

Elrond narrowed an eye and a smirk pulled at one corner of his lips at the faint jest. He frowned slightly soon after. "You do not have to go, Elladan."

Elladan dropped his hands down to his sides. "And that is the problem: I _want_ to go." He admitted defeatedly.

Glorfindel and Elrond kept their peace for a moment, Elrond's jaw working slightly while Glorfindel looked compassionate.

Elladan sighed. "I love my brother immensely, and I would do all within my power to ease his suffering, but I feel like I have reached my limit. I feel confined, I want to get out…" he trailed off.

Elrond's expression reflected his desire to help Elladan resolve this conflict. "Nothing would be held against you, Elladan. You have done more than enough."

"Elrohir would hold it against me," Elladan replied moodily.

"If I may be allowed to say," Glorfindel began. "I do not think Elrohir can fully understand what this is doing to you and to everyone else, and I doubt he can think about much beyond himself either."

Elladan gave a look towards his mentor that told the Vanya that he was not helping.

"There is some amount of truth to that," Elrond affirmed. His father side was saddened by the fact, but at the same time: the healer side kept saying that it was normal, especially after seeing it so many times in many patients who had to suffer from a severe head injury.

"I rather not further agitate my brother by removing my constant presence to his routine." Elladan spoke defensively.

"How long will it take before you explode within Elrohir's presence?" Glorfindel questioned. "Would that be easier to mend than you taking time for yourself to heal and him having to cope with your absence?"

Elladan mulled over the outcomes. "No, it would not be easier…But how does adding more changes help?"

"I would rather have my sons learn how to be able to let each other go for a time than have their relationship strained." Elrond finally said.

Elladan turned his gaze to his father, stunned.

"Elladan, you would not be found guilty if you left so your emotions would not spill over, even if Elrohir reacts poorly. However, you losing control there would be some amount of blame because you did not admit to having a limit, and Elrohir receives the brunt of that." Elrond paused. "I have seen your weariness, Elladan, and I also think it would be a good time for Elrohir to relearn that not everyone he wants to be present can be there."

Elladan still remained conflicted. "I feel like it would be a slap in his face for me to simply leave, especially with Gilraen and Halbarad to shake things up."

"Halbarad is not leaving immediately." Glorfindel reminded him. "You have a few days at least to think about this before making a final decision. Besides, you have Elrond, Estel, Erestor, Tathardes, and me to watch over Elrohir in the meantime, as long as you do not mind us sleeping on the couches in your room."

Elladan closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"Just think about it, my son." Elrond requested softly. "Nothing needs to be decided at this moment.

* * *

Estel wandered throughout the house alone, feeling dull. He related what had happened these past few months to his mother, and that left her mute in surprise and other emotions aside. He thought he would feel better to finally let it all out, but there remained a nagging feeling that he only reopened the wound. But how does one go about telling someone else that someone you care about is not the same they used to be?

Estel knew that his mother's relationship with Elrond and the twins were respectable at best. They got along alright and were friends, but it did not go beyond that. Estel caught the looks of grief and envy on Gilraen's face many times during his youth with the attention and love he gave to the elves. It was hard sometimes, but there was not much Estel could do about it: not knowing anything beyond that his brothers took him and his mother to Imladris after an orc attack that killed the father he never knew. He at least knew the twins were close friends with the man.

Still, this would shake things up for both Elrohir and his mother. He left Gilraen alone since his mother wanted to sleep some to restore her energy.

Estel jumped to the present as he nearly ran into Halbarad.

"Sorry Estel," the ranger apologized, also surprised by the boy's sudden appearance. "I think I have gotten lost, I cannot seem to find the Hall of Fire."

Estel blinked, curious as to why Halbarad was looking for the Hall of Fire. Food perhaps. "I can show you. Do you need a map to take with you for next time?"

Halbarad harrumphed. "I can find my way perfectly fine. Most the time. Come on, lead the way."

Estel grinned slightly and he led the man towards the dining hall. Elves were sharing stories and music as per normal at this hour. When Halbarad asked if Estel could stay with him, Estel hesitated. While he was wandering aimlessly in the halls, the moment before he walked into Halbarad he decided he was going to find Elrohir.

"Maybe later at dinner, Halbarad." The adolescent said slowly. "I need to find my brother."

"I am not sure where Elladan might be, but I am sure you will find him," Halbarad said kindly.

"No, I need to find Elrohir." Estel corrected in a whisper.

Halbarad appeared surprised and if not a bit bewildered. "I thought he was not home at this time. I want to invite him to help me find some troublesome orcs that are starting to prowl about, now that I know he is not away."

Estel realized his mistake too late and he felt incredibly guilty. "Ah, well…yes, he is home," he replied weakly.

Halbarad's brows furrowed together at Estel falling apart. "Is everything well with him? Elladan did not react too well about it either."

"I-I rather not be the one to talk about it," Estel spoke frantically and hastily made his way out.

The confusion left Halbarad wondering what transpired recently and he started inquiring the other elves what was going on.

Estel in the meantime hid in a corner, ashamed for making Halbarad worry and right in a public place too.

* * *

Elrond in forced calm walked towards one of the rooms. He got a mental message from Erestor to come, wanting to discuss something. He approached the door and proceeded to open it, finding that he was unable to. The door was opened by Tathardes however, and she gave him an apologetic expression.

"We figured it would be better if we were not disturbed by any curious onlookers."

"What happened?" Elrond demanded with parental anxiety.

"Nothing serious," Tathardes tried. "We would like to say that Elrohir is getting his stubbornness back."

Elrond walked inside when the elf-maid opened the door further. He found Erestor on the ground next to Elrohir, who was quietly sleeping and using Dolmardo as a pillow.

The green-elf looked up. "We were going to bring him back to the suite, although he was rather adamant about not going. I think he blacked out and being tired already was not helping things."

"When did it happen?" Elrond got down to the ground as well.

"Twenty minutes ago, I think," Erestor answered.

Elrond frowned as he felt Elrohir's head; the dog staying still as the elf-lord did so. "He has not been keeping the scarring from hardening lately. I wonder if that explains some of these changes of behavior."

"It is stress as well…" Erestor stated slowly. "Gilraen and the ranger's presence unsettled him greatly."

Elrohir moaned softly at the movement and touches being applied. Elrond stopped his ministrations. "Elrohir?"

Elrohir blinked his eyes open, blearily tracking random objects before settling on his father. "A-ada?"

"Yes, íon."

The younger twin blinked a few more times and raised his head. "H-how?"

"You are overtired." Elrond supplied. Erestor moved to grab the staff. Elrohir took that answer mutely and wanted to lay down again, although Elrond nudged him gently. "Not here, this cannot be comfortable."

"I don't want to get up…" Elrohir groaned.

"I know you want to stay here, but you would feel better if you were in your own bed."

Elrohir became surly and it showed, and the others took note to take extreme care with their next words should they speak. Erestor mutely held Elrohir's staff out and the younger twin snatched it away. He needed help in standing up, but he was obviously annoyed with that too, though he did not fight them. Elrond silently escorted Elrohir out into the hallway, and the elf-lord ignored some of the stares some of the other elves gave. It did not help Elrohir's foul mood, and the father had to chastise him for a rather rude comment Elrohir uttered to one of the elves, and Tathardes needed to break away from following the elf-lord and his son to apologize.

Estel rounded the corner and his face showed joy and apprehension seeing Elrond and Elrohir, especially the latter. "Good afternoon," the human greeted.

"Lead us, Estel," Elrond requested while Elrohir frowned.

Estel understood the command and he nodded, going back to where he was just now. The human paled a little as he saw Halbarad again. 'Why does our luck have to be so bad?!'

The older ranger looked immensely concerned. "You worried me, boy. What is going on?"

Estel chuckled nervously. "Why should there be anything wrong? There shouldn't-"

"Y-you shouldn't be here," someone muttered darkly.

Estel turned around slowly and felt his heart drop seeing his father, brother, and Erestor standing at the crossways. Elrohir seemed livid, and it surprised the young man that the twin had a lot more control than Estel expected him to have.

Halbarad was not sure what to make of this as he watched Elrond hand off the younger twin to Erestor, directing the laiquendë to guide Elrohir back to his quarters in a solemn voice. "My lords?" the ranger asked hesitantly.

"I will explain later," Elrond responded calmly.

"Y-you should not be here!" Elrohir repeated angrily, not wanting to leave now, although Erestor was stronger and continued to pull the second son of Elrond away from the vicinity, against his will.

Estel quietly observed the drama, feeling mildly depressed as he noticed there were other onlookers as well. Glancing at Halbarad, he saw the ranger's face expressed hurt while simultaneously eying Elrond, begging for an explanation.

Elrond did not seem to be taking it too well either, feeling responsible for his child's behavior while knowing there was little to be done about it. Exhaling wearily, he glanced at the ranger. "Come with me, I will tell you what you need to know."

Halbarad nodded meekly and stepped to. Estel debated with himself on who he should follow: his brother or his father. It did not take too long, because seeing Elrohir so angry scared him, and he did not want to be around while Erestor dealt with Elrohir's unstable emotions.

Estel padded after his friend and father.

* * *

Elladan sat in his room as he blankly examined the exquisite wood-work in the ceiling. He thought long and hard about the conversation he had with Glorfindel and Elrond, but he was no closer to solving this dilemma. He mentally and almost physically craved to get out of the valley: to unburden his mind and to do more than sit around all day. Going with Halbarad would give him those opportunities.

But he felt his hands were tied in a complicated knot that was impossible to unravel.

Elladan sighed. He did not have to make any decision yet, and that was fine…He lifted his head as he heard people approaching, and the voices, he instantly stood up as his heart started beating in the anxious rhythm he started to believe became a normal thing every twelve hours.

"L-let go, Erestor. I c-can manage m-myself!"

"We are not going to let you rip out Halbarad's throat for simply existing, my prince." Came Erestor's smooth yet melancholic answer.

Elladan with slow steps closed the distance as Erestor brought his brother in like an errant elfling. Elrohir shook the advisor's hand off and nearly fell over, though his staff saved him.

"You can't…" Elrohir struggled at first. "Y-you can't d-do this."

Erestor regarded the twin with a sad face. "I would not do this if I did not have to, Elrohir. It pains me as much as you to have to treat you this way." The laiquendë looked at Elladan. "You do not know what is good for you at this moment in time."

"T-they can't be here…" Elrohir repeated, his voice losing the anger and on the verge of breaking.

Elladan nodded his head to dismiss Erestor and the older twin breathed in slowly to keep his own patience. "Come sit down, brother, you look dead on your feet," he approached gently.

"B-better if I was!" Elrohir commented vehemently. "Y-you still keep me t-trapped in this p-pathetic existence, and t-treat me l-like dirt!"

Elladan stopped in shock at those words, trying hard to keep it in his mind that this was the injury playing its tricks, not his beloved twin speaking.

"Y-you-"

"Elrohir, you will hate me for saying this, but if you continue like this, for all we know you will burst a vessel and you will indeed be dead on the floor." Elladan interrupted with a pleading tone.

Those words struck a cord and Elrohir's rage was finally quenched. His weariness became more prominent and he flopped onto a couch, and instantly tears flowed out of his eyes. Frustration, grief, rage, humiliation: all of that coming out in one outlet.

Elladan was still not sure how to proceed and he approached cautiously.

"I-I shouldn't h-have d-done it," Elrohir whispered sadly. "S-shouldn't…W-why c-can't I do this?"

"You can do this, Elrohir," Elladan reassured softly. He started blaming the fall Elrohir took that morning. It had to be that. "This is just one of those bad days, yes?"

Elrohir shook his head. "E-every day is b-bad. N-none of you g-get it." He said hysterically. "T-this was the l-last straw."

Elladan felt his own eyes glistened as he listened on. From what he understood, Elrohir did see Halbarad, and how Erestor had to bring Elrohir back to their chambers due to his twin's immature behavior. It was more on the necessary treatment that seemed to have snapped it.

But what could they have done without causing even more harm?

Elrohir was crying openly now. "M-make it s-stop, _p -please_ …"

Elladan sat down next to him and rested a hand on his back. "Just one of those bad days, brother." He repeated before stroking Elrohir's head. "It is just another bad day…"

* * *

 _A/N Yep...Elrohir is having a very bad day. Lack of emotional control is not fun._

 _Thank you for reviewing MistressofImladris, I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I hope you like this one too. :) And shoutout to Yorkiemom for reviewing too. :)_


	27. The Beginning of Breaking the Norm

_A/N Well, took a while...things got busy...and I kind of lost inspiration again for a time. :l I might also add that the system is all broken again: didn't get notifications for anything, no PMs, reviews...Nothing. AND when I put this on document form it had all the coding too. ._. FFN, fix your site!_

 _Anyway, hope you like this, and let's strive to get 100 reviews on this thing. :) Thank you Sidewalk Surfer for your PM, because that is what got me to finish this chapter._

* * *

Gilraen woke up from her nap and stretched. She exhaled after that but remained where she was, looking at the ceiling. Memory of what transpired before she went to sleep surfaced again and she frowned thoughtfully. She was not sure what to make of it, to be honest. It would be hard to have to accommodate for someone whom she was not close with, and being unfamiliar with the twins' personalities to begin with made it more difficult.

She would try to be patient, for now, though if something happened that made Estel upset then she would have to step in and pull him out of the whole thing.

Gilraen walked outside the room, deciding to go to the Hall of Fire for some music. On her way, she eavesdropped unintentionally on a conversation that a couple elves shared.

"When do you think they may decide to send him to the Havens, after today's episode?"

"I do not know, but maybe soon. Lord Elrohir does not seem to be happy here anymore."

"Master Círdan would know how to better deal with him. The sea-people have always been known for their patience."

Gilraen frowned for real this time. But she had no input to give; she knew too little. Instead, she quietly continued her way.

* * *

Elrond waited for Halbarad to speak as the ranger digested the information he was just told. Estel sat slumped in a chair as he watched them both, having nothing better to do but listen.

Halbarad pressed his lips into a thin line. "When was this? At the end of fall?"

"It has been a few months since the accident, yes," Elrond answered. "He has made much progress since then."

Halbarad hummed a little. "That explains some of it. I do apologize for causing such a stir. I would not have done so had I known."

"I put no fault on you, my friend," Elrond said softly. "I apologize for Elrohir on his behalf for his behavior. We only just discovered this new fluctuation this morning."

Halbarad folded his fingers over each other as he rested his elbows on his knees. "No blame placed either. I have seen it enough among my own people. Had to replace some windows because of those moods." He looked at Estel and the elf-lord. "My condolences to you and your family though, it must be hard, especially for Elrohir."

"It has been hard, but we will manage. Enough time and patience will win over," Elrond inclined his head. "Thank you for understanding."

"I will not hold anything against Elladan if he does not want to leave for this orc hunt."

"He does, actually," Elrond informed. "And I would want him to as well. It would be good for him to get out and breathe."

Halbarad nodded slowly. "Well, let him know that I will be here for another two days. I cannot be away from my folk for too long, even though I would love to stay longer."

Elrond understood as well. "You will always be welcome here." The peredhel stood up and regarded the two mortals in the room. "I will meet with you later."

Estel watched as his father left the room ere studying his friend. Halbarad seemed to be thinking, his expression grim but not overly so. The adolescent said nothing throughout this meeting and he found himself unable to say anything even now.

Halbarad turned his head to face Estel. "You do not deserve to have to experience this at such a young age, boy." He said thoughtfully, and a look of remorse briefly flashed across his features. "You could have died."

"But I lived," Estel replied in a whisper. "And that is all that matters."

Halbarad shook his head. "Still, a devastation regardless given the aftermath. I just hope it is not an omen that Imladris might crumble to pieces eventually."

Estel hoped it was not one either.

* * *

Elladan sat at one end of the couch in a doze with one hand supporting his head. He came back to the waking world with a blink and he turned his attention to Elrohir. His brother still slept peacefully and undisturbed.

'A good thing too…after what we just went through.' Elladan mused.

Elrohir likely blacked out without the fainting that normally accompanied the event. He simply stopped crying and fell silent, appearing dull. Elladan had carefully maneuvered Elrohir to lay on the couch before he covered his twin with a blanket, and it had been peaceful since then.

On the outside.

Elladan felt more tired after today's events. He knew he would not be able to keep doing this; especially if this transition would be one of the bad ones. He just had no mental energy left to give. Sleepless nights did not help either. Elladan began to lean towards leaving with Halbarad when it was time. He could taste the wild open air already…

Elladan turned his head to see his father walking into the room carrying a platter. Elrond said nothing immediately and he set the tray down on the table, and Elladan immediately caught the waft of food in the air. He then realized he had not really eaten much that day either.

"I figured you both would want to eat here rather than out there," Elrond said as he sat on the other seat across from the couch the twins shared.

Elladan nodded his thanks and absently picked up a piece of cheese. "I think I have set my mind on what I want to do."

Elrond turned his attention to Elrohir, who remained peacefully oblivious to what happened around him.

Elladan caught the silent question. "It is hard to rouse him. Once he goes down you cannot wake him up."

Elrond frowned at this. "Has it gotten harder?"

"I would have let you know about it if I suspected anything," Elladan said oddly.

Elrond continued frowning and lifted a brow. "What is it you are not telling me?"

Elrohir made a noise and both the other peredhil stopped talking. They watched as Elrohir with glassy unfocused eyes glanced about the chamber, before sighing and rolling over so his back was to them.

Elladan was biting his cheeks as this went on, and he did not answer the question afterward either.

"Elladan?" Elrond prodded.

The older twin shook his head and gave in. "I should have taken it as a sign," he whispered remorsefully. "Elrohir…is sleepwalking."

Elrond could not decide if he should feel glad or concerned, or both. "Sleepwalking?"

"He gets up in the middle of the night and just…wanders. He gropes for things to stay upright, but I have had to get up and herd him back into bed. He nearly escaped once."

Elrond's brows furrowed together, a little frustrated now that he was only beginning to hear of this now. "Why did you not tell me the night it started happening?"

Elladan shook his head and he appeared ashamed.

Elrond regarded his child sternly. "We would have avoided this day's events from happening with that small bit of information. Did Elrohir sleepwalk last night?"

"…Yes."

Elrond made no noise and he rubbed his temples to prevent a headache from starting. Why now after everything had happened…

"H-huh?" Elrohir croaked as he looked over his shoulder.

Elladan and Elrond put up a façade and regarded their loved one gently.

Elrohir blinked a few times and sat up a little. "W-why are you…Why am I here?" He asked with confusion.

"Do you remember coming here?" Elladan inquired.

Elrohir continued to seem wonky and out of it. "N-no…"

Elrond stood from his seat and went to his side, and Elrohir just became more confused. "What was the last thing you remember?"

Elrohir still could not shake the fog from his mind. "I r-remember…g-going to watch you w-welcome the others home…" He said vaguely. "But I n-never got there…" He cast a pleading gaze towards his father.

Elrond felt his heart warm and become heavy at the obvious need for comfort coming from his child. He stroked Elrohir's head as the twin leaned toward him. Elladan and Elrond shared a knowing a glance with one another. Elrohir did not need to know everything right now. Elrond continued his ministrations. "You blacked out and you were brought here to rest, Elrohir."

Elrohir ate the attention up and he relaxed considerably.

Elladan wrestled internally with himself in the meantime. He needed to let Elrohir know about his decision of leaving Imladris for a time…but so soon? Elladan was afraid he could not muster the courage to do so at a later time: specifically the next day. Much like what Elrohir did, Elladan looked to Elrond for answers.

Elrond said nothing verbally.

"D-dan…sad?" Elrohir whispered.

Elladan briefly let some of his surprise reveal on his face before he composed himself again. "I am sad by what you must endure, brother," he said softly and gave a long pause. "…especially what I plan to do."

Elrond showed no sign of approval or disapproval, even if Elladan got the impression that his father was leaning toward the latter. Elrohir became unsettled again at the implications, not fully understanding, given he had completely forgotten what had happened that day. Elrond only continued to stroke his head and silently slipped a hand to Elrohir's shoulder in case he would get violent.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Brother…I cannot stand to watch you suffer. I want to help you as much as I can, but I can only do so if I look after my own needs first, and that will require me being away from home for a time."

There, he said it. Elladan and Elrond watched Elrohir for his response to that statement. The crippled-elf's eye twitched and his expression slowly grew darker and darker the longer the thought remained.

"Why?" Elrohir finally questioned coldly and with the same lingering bewilderment.

Elladan felt his shoulders tense as he was in the dark of what could follow next. "The chance has provided itself," he explained softly. "Halbarad-"

"NO!" Elrohir exclaimed loudly and lunged for his brother's arm, Elrond withdrew slightly when he detected no violence in his son's intent.. "Y-you can't leave!"

Elladan shook his head but allowed Elrohir to cling to him as the positioning allowed. "I do not have to, but Elrohir, please, let me go. It will only be for a short time."

"N-never," Elrohir said sorrowfully. His eye continued to twitch, and Elladan thought his brother's nerves were firing again irregularly with this news.

"Brother," Elladan continued with his gentle pleading tone. "I cannot help you if you cannot help me, and you keep saying you want to help somehow. This may be the way to do it."

Elrohir stared at nothing before he moaned and curled in on himself, making quiet noises of despair.

"I will sit with him," Elrond said finally.

Elladan took the message to leave, and he was not very inclined to do so after seeing this. Yet seeing Elrohir behave less than an adult hurt badly, and he could not stand to see it anymore. The older twin slowly stood up and silently left the room.

Elrond took Elladan's place and rested a hand on Elrohir's back. "You will be alright," the father said comfortingly.

"N-no," Elrohir moaned in denial.

"You will be," Elrond repeated calmly. "There have been many times before now that one of you stayed while the other journeyed."

"N-not like t-this!" Elrohir's voice raised in volume and rage again and he sat up straight again. He shook from the intensity of his emotions, and to be fair, Elrohir did not know what he was doing either. His head felt numb: skin down to the smallest nerve. "N-not like t-this…W-why?"

Elrond exhaled slowly out his nose. "You need to be taught reality again, Elrohir, and I wish this could have been presented a little bit better, but given today's events, I do not think it could have been dealt with any other way."

"Why?" Elrohir demanded again, still insistent on knowing why Elladan was leaving.

"Elladan needs a break, my son." Elrond finally said lowly. "I would rather him be gone for a little while than have something else happen."

Elrohir shook his head and curled in on himself again. "W-what d-did I d-do? W-what w-wrong…" he trailed off sadly. "W-why w-would he a-abandon me?"

"He is not abandoning you." Elrond stated, letting his hand rest on his son's shoulder. The elf-lord found it better to let Elrohir work it out mentally while he stayed with his son for physical comfort.

Elrohir felt angry and unsettled, and his head was hurting again. Why was Elladan leaving? Why was everything being shaken and being put out of place? He felt he had to fix it all, so when Elladan said he was leaving…by the stars Elrohir did not want to let that only remaining stability go away. The others would stare. The others would whisper. Elrohir did not want that in the back of his head everywhere he went, now feeling like he was alone in this. What would he do?

What did he do, to deserve this?

Elrohir battled with himself while Elrond remained nearby, and the injured-elf was comforted by his father's presence, but it was not enough to console him with the feeling of being left alone to deal with this whole disaster since his constant support was leaving.

* * *

Estel, Halbarad, and Gilraen sat in the Hall of Fire for dinner. The adults talked with each other while the younger man stared at the empty seats of his father and brothers. Estel did not know what happened after Elrond left he and Halbarad to their own devices (Estel and he just wandered the valley so the older ranger could become reacquainted with the place), and the not knowing made him antsy. Gilraen comforted her son regarding Elrohir before she abandoned the topic completely, becoming engaged with the others around her. Estel envied his mother for the normalcy she still felt in this place. Estel wished he could have everything normal too, and not this fest of stress and grief.

Estel perked up slightly as he saw Elladan enter the chamber. Everyone continued as they were and the son of Elrond lurked behind the pillars. Estel was not the only one to notice his entrance, Halbarad and Gilraen did too. Gilraen bit her lip and she looked away, though Halbarad worked his jaw before he stood up and went to the lurker. Estel watched his friend approach his brother and strained his ears to listen above all the other noises in the hall.

"Why not come and be social, friend?" Halbarad asked. "Plenty of space left."

Estel did not see if Elladan made any motion. There was a long pause before there was a soft sigh. "I will take you up on your offer."

Halbarad did not reply immediately. "Are you certain?"

"I will go with you on the orc hunt." Elladan asserted.

"You don't have to if you feel like you have to stay," Halbarad tried. "I know what-"

"If I stay here I am going to end up breaking, and who knows what mess that will cause." Elladan interrupted curtly. "Please, indulge me in this. There is no better way to vent my anger with the whole matter than decapitating orcs."

Estel swallowed slightly and stopped listening. That explains why Elrond was not present, but the young man suddenly felt sad for Elrohir. Elladan must have told him…What effect would Elladan leaving have on Elrohir, and by extent: all of them? Someone had to fill in the role Elladan had until he got back.

Estel also began to feel bad for the older twin and did not really blame him for wanting a break from all this. Still, it shook up a lot of things, even if it did not impact the mortal as much as it did the others. The adolescent looked to his mother for a moment. Gilraen was focused on her food and tried to be ignorant of the conversation happening behind them.

Disheartened, Estel slumped back into his seat and made a silent prayer that everything would play out as smoothly as possible.

* * *

Elladan did not stay too long in the Hall of Fire after his brief conversation with the ranger: no more than an hour. He won Halbarad over in the argument about staying or not, and the man finally gave in. He offered his condolences to the elf, and Elladan thanked him for it. After that, Halbarad returned to his seat and Elladan simply lingered where he was, letting the music wash away his worries temporarily. Elladan then wandered around the gardens as the sun began to set over the hills, letting his choice sink in.

It would be for the better, even if it was hard now. He could get a break finally, and Elrohir would be making another step into reclaiming his life: being able to cope with bad news. Elladan sighed a little. He would apologize to his father when he went back inside. Hiding any information from him concerning Elrohir was a mistake, but Elladan did not want everyone knowing what happened with his brother. He wanted Elrohir to have some privacy, even from family at times.

Elladan breathed in slowly and out. Elrohir pulled at his heart that day, but the older twin knew this was for the better. He did not want to know what would happen if he stayed. It was too risky. Still…there was two more days to see how Elrohir will act, and Elladan hoped for the better. More days like today would not do anyone good.

Elladan quietly steeled himself as he walked back to the suite; the halls quiet in the night. He did not know if Elrohir was asleep or not, or if their father was still there. Still, he had to prepare for anything.

He hesitated at the door before he stepped in. It was dark, and Elrond likely went to retire for the night. Elladan padded lightly over to Elrohir's alcove. Elrohir lay in the bed awake, holding Velegdal to his chest as he stared at the wall with a hard expression. He pressed a damp cloth to his head as well and did not seem to notice his twin's entry.

"Brother?" Elladan called softly. Nothing. Elladan sighed and spoke a little louder. "I am sorry that I have ruined your normal. But I need to for the better of both of us."

"W-what d-did I d-do?" Elrohir finally said, his voice slightly husky still from the earlier upset.

Elladan blinked back his alarm. "You did nothing to cause this, Elrohir-not by your own will."

"W-why leave then?" Elrohir was looking at him now, hurt confusion embedded in his eyes.

Elladan took a moment to think of his answer. "Our friend needs help…and I would not for a moment hesitate bringing you along if I could."

"I-I n-need you m-more t-than he d-does," Elrohir hissed bitterly.

That was true, and Elladan bit his lip. "I know…but I can only help you by leaving for a time." He bowed his head.

Elrohir frowned some more and became dejected, and he turned his attention back to the wall.

"I do not do this lightly, brother." Elladan stated as he turned to go to his own alcove. After he changed, he also lay in the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Elrohir across the room quietly tried to keep his emotions at bay once more.

* * *

In another room, Elrond, Erestor, and Glorfindel sat in a triangle, each in their own thoughts as they mulled over the day's events. Elrond was thinking about adjourning soon to seek his rest. Things would come together on the morrow.

"Sleepwalking happens in a dream state," Glorfindel muttered aloud. "Maybe in some way these images are affecting his mood?"

"Likely," Elrond answered tiredly. "Those things out of reach sometimes affect us the most."

"Who will be his guardian?" Erestor asked somberly, "Given Elladan has made decision to accompany Halbarad."

"I will leave that up to Elrohir, but I suspect he will fight against having anyone else nearby all day and night." Elrond sat up a little straighter in his seat.

"I could have him work in the library with me, to give him something to do." Erestor offered. "It might need to be enforced, for he refused to the last time it was offered."

Elrond looked at the laiquendë and gave a faint nod. "That may be best…But let us see what the next two days bring us."

The other two lords nodded, and they rose from their seats.

Elrond closed his eyes as the silence began to fill the air. He sighed and bowed his head. "Eru give me strength," he whispered.


	28. Defeated

_A/N Longest chapter to this story yet I think...I'm glad that you like Tathardes and Erestor MistressofImladris. :) I like what I have done with them, and hopefully I can get them more involved in other places._

* * *

Elladan woke very early the day he was to leave. He came out of the dream world and simply could not fall asleep again. The older twin gave a resigned sigh and got up to prepare for the journey. When Elladan checked the position of the moon (or any sign of the sun rising), he became a little irked by the fact that there was far too much of a waiting time. Too much time to be left thinking about things again. Sleeping was not an option sadly, and Elladan resolved himself to find something to occupy his mind until an appropriate hour came to prepare his horse.

The elf looked across the dark room and regarded Elrohir sadly as the younger twin slept peacefully. Elrohir simply shut Elladan out and was even more stubborn with being uncooperative than usual. The day before was particularly bad when Elrohir nearly became catatonic again to the point Elrond was the one to haul his son out of bed to start the day. Last night Elladan had said his farewells, not expecting an answer, and he did not plan on waking Elrohir for something he apparently did not want to be involved in.

'It is not his fault,' Elladan thought absently. '…I just hope this will not be permanent.'

How close was that idea to being redundant: having repeated it every morning now? What if things did not improve? What if this was the best Elrohir would get in his mental recovery? Elladan shook his head and returned to the book he had grabbed from under his bed. He was not going to think about his brother while he was gone, as much as it pained him to think of doing that. The whole point of leaving would be moot otherwise.

A bang and rustle of leaves sounded right outside his wall and Elladan frowned. He turned his head toward the window right next to the bed and leaned out after closing the book. What he saw made him sputter briefly in surprise. "Estel! What are you doing out here like this?"

The man strained his neck to look up the wall, appearing sheepish as his upper body was in a growing bush. "I cannot sleep."

"Why are you wandering around in the night like a thief?" Elladan questioned confusingly.

"…Just to sneak in something in the stables," Estel admitted lowly. "And then I got lost. I cannot see anything!"

"You have no one to blame but yourself for that," Elladan commented wryly in dim humor.

"Why are you awake?" Estel suddenly asked. "I did not wake you, did I?"

The elf shook his head, becoming grim again. "No, I was awake long before then."

"You have a long way to go though."

"Elves do not need sleep as much as mortals do," Elladan reminded his adopted brother. "I will be fine."

Estel took that mutely and the young man was worrying over something in his mind. Elladan opened his mouth to send Estel off, but the adolescent got there first. "I am scared, brother."

This briefly made Elladan be still before he found his tongue again. "What are you scared of?"

It took a long while for Estel to answer. "…I am scared of Elrohir, to be truthful. I don't…I don't really know him anymore." He cast a forlorn gaze to the ground.

Elladan kept his face straight at this admission. The elf could relate…but he and his twin had been through many changes together over the course of their lives, and it became easier to deal with. It blurred into a continuous line of one bad thing after another, and then some good things for a time.

"I am afraid of what will happen while you are gone." Estel lifted his gaze up again. "I am not around Elrohir enough to know what might happen…"

"Ada and the others will manage him," Elladan spoke in a disconnected way. "Just continue as you always have been before the accident, Estel."

"I have not been doing that," the man pronounced softly. "…My avoidance is a sign of that, but I do not know what else to do."

Elladan bowed his head briefly. "This is another transition for Elrohir. He…needs to be brought back to reality and be reminded of the expectations that are present." He paused, "It is never easy for either party, Estel, that is what you need to understand: regarding any trauma."

"I am learning that painfully," Estel sighed. "I should get back inside." He pulled away from the wall. "I will see you in a few hours."

Elladan pulled his head back inside his room and rested against the headpost as he blankly watched space. On the bright side, he finally felt the craving to doze for a time. He exhaled softly and let his lids close halfway, hoping for dawn to come swiftly.

Indeed, none of this was ever easy…

* * *

Elrond, Glorfindel, Gilraen, and Estel stood on the stairs as Halbarad and Elladan mounted up. Elrond had already given his blessings, but the auras being radiated made the departure rather sad. Elladan had worry lines on his face while Halbarad just seemed at a loss on what to do. Elrond could feel the anxiety from Estel, and something told the elf-lord that it was not going to go away anytime soon.

His son and the ranger bowed their heads in farewell before they turned and spurred their mounts onward; the party of elves going with them followed behind. A slightly unsettling silence descended in the region and Elrond had to keep himself from sighing. Glorfindel was stoic, while Gilraen bit her lip and took her leave. Estel fidgeted in his place, unsure of whether to stay or follow his mother. The latter won out and soon left Elrond and Glorfindel alone on the stairs.

"That is one thing off the list," the gold-head murmured.

"I am not looking forward to what needs to come next," Elrond answered wearily and with mild dread.

"One more hour and Erestor will wake him up."

Elrond turned his head. "Are you sure having him do it is the best choice?"

Glorfindel shrugged. "You have options, my lord. I could do it, you could do it…"

"I would be more at ease if I rouse my son." Elrond finally said. "I had to do so once already, and I doubt Elrohir likes Erestor at this moment."

Glorfindel regarded his lord for a moment before nodding. "I will be at the training grounds if a decision is made on who his guardian will be. I have my second-in-command ready to take over if need be."

Elrond made no comment on the last part. "We will see what it comes down to." He nodded his head to the gold-head. "I will meet with you later."

Glorfindel bowed his head in turn.

* * *

Elladan tried hard not to look back, but the further they went: the more he felt bad.

Halbarad caught the fidgeting and bit his cheek. "Don't think about it, mellon. No point in turning back now."

"Have you ever been faced with a dilemma like this?" Elladan finally asked.

Halbarad smirked. "Kind of an odd question to ask, eh, given you are how old?" The man sobered up swiftly though. "Plenty of times."

"And what did you do?"

"Prayed for clarity that what I was doing was what needed to be done." Halbarad shook his head, "You can't trust your feelings or emotions-got to get outside clarity on if your gut feeling is what is right."

Elladan pondered over this statement and he looked up to the blue sky. 'I do not seek that kind of assurance as much as I should…' he thought to someone.

* * *

He was awake when Elladan said goodbye.

He feigned sleep though, so Elladan would never know that he was heard.

Elrohir stared at the ceiling with an arm swung over his forehead; Velegdal sat on his knee in the meantime. Elrohir thought he should feel guilty, but he could not bring himself to. As far as he was concerned, he did nothing wrong. Why did everyone else think his behavior was bad? He could not help it; it was not his fault that he was like this.

What else did they expect?

Elrohir rolled his head to the side so he was facing the wall. Yes, he felt guilty and ashamed of his behavior, but he felt resigned about it. There was too much going on for him to react accordingly. It all felt like a scramble for control…like the rocks slowly slipping away from the top of the cliff, falling to their final destination and to the calamity they would cause.

Once more the desire to be unaware of it happening came to his mind. Erestor's words about him not wanting to be semi-conscious floated up too, but Elrohir felt only apathy. He could go to sleep again for another ten years for all he cared if to get away from it all.

And the binding tugged at his soul again and he scowled, having completely forgotten about that tiny detail that held so much control over him. He should have sought to be released before Elladan left!

Of course, it never occurred to him that Elladan likely would not have released him; not with the younger twin's current state of mind.

Elrohir felt tears of frustration start to brim in his eyes and the self-disgust came back. Why could he not keep himself in control? Why was his leg healing so slowly? Why did Elladan want to leave?

 _Why did this happen in the first place?_

There were so many whys and Elrohir forced his mind to go blank; the monotonous sounds coming from outside making him enter into another doze. His depression helped him along in that journey.

He never did quite reach that unconscious state. Elrohir heard someone walk into the suite, but the twin made no motion to see who it was. If he acted like he was still asleep they would go away…

"It is twenty past ten in the morning, my son." Came a matter of fact voice.

Elrohir fought hard to keep his bitterness down when he heard his father. He stubbornly kept his eyes closed.

Elrond placed a set of clothes at the foot of the bed. "I want you to get dressed and come down to the garden with me."

Elrohir said nothing and drew the sheets over his head.

He heard a sigh: a slightly impatient one. "I really do not want to repeat what I had to do yesterday, Elrohir. But I will if that is what you want."

"N-no," Elrohir hissed finally.

"Then please do what I ask and not fight: for yourself if not for me." Elrond pleaded and walked out of the alcove.

'Why can I not just be left alone?' Elrohir thought moodily and had to muster a lot of willpower just to sit up. Velegdal moved away from his knee and she sniffed the air thoughtfully. The sight of the bunny eased his nerves somewhat and he reached for the pile of clothes. Once dressed he grabbed his staff and stood up slowly ere purposely moving slowly toward the door.

Elrond stood there with an impassive expression. The elf-lord opened the door and the two elves walked out of the suite.

Elrohir could feel the eyes of other residents bore into his back and that was the only incentive to make him move faster than a slug. The rage started to boil in his chest again, and this time he _knew_ he was justified.

He did not bother to count the minutes it took for him and his father to finally be outside. Elrohir felt a little relief to be away from prying eyes finally. When Elrohir looked up from the ground, a metal table and a couple chairs were present, and much to his chagrin a hammock hung from two trees. Elrohir did not bother asking where Elrond wanted him and instead sat down in one of the chairs.

Elrond's expression did not change. "Can I examine your leg?" he asked softly.

They were meaning to do that after Elrohir fell a few mornings ago. The twin remained cranky, but he gave a faint nod. Better get it done with now.

Elrond knelt on the grass and started testing the bone. "Does it hurt when you stand on it?"

"W-weak," Elrohir ground out.

Elrond did not ask any more questions beyond that. After a long silence, he finally spoke again. "This might be healing slowly because of your negative emotions, Elrohir."

The statement made Elrohir felt like he blacked out again from the anger it incited in him. "W-wonder w-why," he muttered sarcastically.

Elrond leaned back and met his son in the eye. "Changes are bound to happen, my son, and sooner is better than later. I do not know what leniency Elladan has shown, but we need to have you do something productive. This inactivity has made a rather large impact."

"I-I don't w-want to do a-anything."

Elrond became a little sad. "You were pining for something a month ago…and I apologize for letting it go this far."

Elrohir narrowed his eyes slightly.

Elrond did not give the look he got much note. "I want you to help Erestor and Tathardes in whatever they assign you to do, starting tomorrow."

Elrohir felt indignation rise and he turned away in his seat. Why was he being ordered now? "I-I a-am n-not a child!"

Elrond stood to his feet. "We have let you make choices for yourself, and they have made things worse instead of helping. As far as I am concerned, I am not going to allow you to wallow in bed all day because something did not go your way. The whole point is to make you independent and capable of handling unwanted occurrences maturely, not remain in this perpetual loop."

"S-serving as a s-scribe!" Elrohir also stood and had the chair between him and his father. "N-not t-that low!"

Elrond moved to the next objective. "You can choose who you want to be your guardian until your brother comes back."

Elrohir felt more emotion well up inside and he shook from the intensity. "N-no o-one," he pleaded desperately. He did not want these forced changes. He did not want things to change. Why did they not understand that?

Elrond appeared plaintive. "I am afraid that is not an answer."

"I d-don't w-want a-any of this!" Elrohir finally burst out. His breath hitched, and he swayed slightly. "Y-you d-don't get it; n-no one d-does!"

"We cannot understand if you never talk to us," Elrond said bluntly. "That is an unreasonable expectation to have."

Elrohir huffed and shook his head. "B-beyond t-that…d-don't k-know w-what it f-feels like."

Elrond gave a long pause. "Try me," he finally said.

Elrohir looked up with confusion as he had his head bowed a little.

"It hurts me to see you this way, Elrohir. It hurt me to see you wither away to almost nothing. It hurt to see you afraid of the stars because of the nightmares your brain conjured up while you were trapped in the darkness."

Elrohir blanched slightly at the old memory…

Elrond continued gently, "It hurts _us_ to see you isolate yourself and become someone we do not know. Cast aside the thought that you suffer alone because you do not."

Elrohir got onto his knees and pressed his head into the chair. "I-it f-feels l-lonely," he said thickly.

"Stop isolating yourself, and even if this feels like coercion, trust that we are doing this because this will benefit you." Elrond placed a hand on Elrohir's head after he moved a little closer, "Have we ever done you harm?"

'Never,' Elrohir answered mentally and he let the fire of his rebellion die, draining him of whatever energy he had before. He felt defeated and resigned, and it made him even more depressed despite his father's attempt at comfort. Elrohir closed his eyes.

"Who do you want to be your guardian for when you are not working?" Elrond asked again.

Elrohir felt empty, finding no point in fighting anymore, given that part of his independence had been taken away. "G-glorfindel…" he answered in a whisper.

Elrond nodded absently. "I want you to try putting more weight on your leg to strengthen it. Take some time each day to stand on it before you try to walk. Start small and gradually add more to it."

Elrohir did not care about his leg at that moment. "I-I want Elladan…"

Elrond breathed softly. "I know," was all he said.

* * *

From the balcony, Estel watched with his face between the bars. He worried his lip and when his brother and father held companionable silence, the mortal retreated into the room on all fours before getting to his feet. He held his book and the paper he had been writing a little too tightly, and he walked out and headed to the library.

Erestor was at his desk, and the mortal caught the elf fingering his flute. Estel briefly wondered why, but he set the objects he carried on the table and waited.

Erestor did not give him any heed.

"What are you doing?" Estel asked after waiting five minutes.

Erestor blinked and raised his head, "Thinking." He lifted a brow, "What are you doing?"

"Waiting," Estel responded in turn, smirking slightly at the question before he became serious again. "I…finished."

Erestor nodded, "Well done."

Estel was not sure how to react and he quietly stalked away and sat on a couch. He thought about what he overheard, and he played with his fingers. Elladan told him to stay the same he had always been, but Estel was not sure he could keep a façade up…

"Music can ease all troubles and irritations," Erestor finally said.

Estel blinked a few times as the elf answered that question he had in his head. The pieces came together, and a little bit of hope sprang in his heart.

Hopefully what Erestor was planning would work.


	29. Moving On

Elrohir woke up early in the morning once more, temporarily paralyzed before he woke up completely. He raised his head slightly to glance where Glorfindel was asleep on the couch, for a moment unsure of how to feel about it before accepting the fact with some comfort. He was not being left alone during the night, even though he could have been. It took him a day to realize that he really did not want to be alone despite his efforts in trying to make it happen, and for that, he felt ashamed…again.

He still wanted Elladan more than anything still, but the further he dwelled on the matter and thought beyond what he wanted: he started to see how he had been rather demanding and childish these past few days.

The reasonable part of Elrohir's scrambled head said that this was all expected: his lack of control over his emotions and out-of-character outrages, but it did not make it any easier to deal with, for him and his family. Elrohir felt enough frustration with himself, knowing better but unable to do anything about it if he felt stressed out. When he finally caved into the desire to be a leech by clinging to his father's side when they were in the garden, he dropped the rage and frustration in preference for seeking comfort from his sire. Elrond had held him reassured him again by saying that he was forgiven for his misbehavior and that he would love him regardless of anything.

It briefly weighed heavily on Elrohir how much the others had sacrificed for him over the years in this attempt to try to banish the feeling of empty loneliness from Elladan being gone.

Elrohir felt better knowing that any of his unreasonable behavior would not be held against him but try as he might to keep that feeling of comfort, the loneliness and depression won out.

Elladan was always there when some unexpected thing happens. Elladan was always there when he was hurt. Elladan was always there with him when they endured strange predicaments-either forced on them or stumbled upon by accident.

No matter what the situation was, Elladan was always _there_.

Why was it different now?

Elrohir hugged Velegdal and closed his eyes. It was fear of change. Elrohir felt it before when some of their strange adventures brought out aspects that Elladan rarely showed…Their mother leaving also had shown some rather dark aspects of their personality that both found disturbing once they had clear minds.

But Elrohir could not fathom why that would be the cause, as the injury began to play tricks on his stressed-out mind.

Elrohir heard a sigh and he feigned sleep so Glorfindel would not question how long he had been awake already. Elrohir did not want to know how long it had been, and he quietly resigned himself to face the day where he was expected to do something.

He only prayed that he would be able to bear it.

* * *

Elrond only half listened to Estel as he complained to his mother about how unfair Erestor is with his schooling. Elrond for a moment thought he should have a talk with the laiquendë about actually making Estel study more subjects than just arithmetic and Númenor's history. Of course, Elrond remembered why the focus was on Númenor more than other things, but he felt that Estel could benefit from focusing on other topics for a time.

The father looked at the two empty seats where his twins normally sat. He allowed Elrohir not to be present now that Gilrean was here and Elladan was gone, though he longed for how things were prior to the accident.

Breakfast was essentially finished; the two mortals and the elf-lord only remained to fellowship with one another. They needed to get on with their day soon.

"I am not sure if needing to know if this queen or king had a fluffy dog or a mustache is going to help me in my life," Estel made a face.

"It is not, but knowing about the past is interesting," Gilraen said and lifted a brow. "I might remind you that master Elrond is related to them; is that not enough encouraging to learn about these people?"

Estel worried his lip. "Well…I am sure ada can tell me about it in a much more interesting way."

Elrond blinked, and hope lifted his heart. Was his son truly interested in learning Numenor history? "You have but to ask. I can do so when we go over your knowledge of herbs and if you can identify them later."

Estel paled and Elrond instantly knew that the adolescent had not prepared for this test even though he should have. He smiled slightly and shook his head.

Gilraen stood from her seat. "I will let you go to your schooling, Estel. I shall see you later." She kissed his head.

Estel blushed and turned to Elrond. "Please do not make it too hard."

"You will never learn if you are not challenged," Elrond answered.

Estel sighed and proceeded to leave, but he stopped once he passed the threshold. The elf-lord heard words and he went to investigate. Elrond was surprised seeing Glorfindel and Elrohir standing by the wall.

"Good morning, my lord." Glorfindel greeted with his customary cheer.

"And to you," Elrond said in turn. The elf-lord looked back inside the room to see Gilraen standing by the railing to the porch. He returned his glance toward Elrohir to find his son appearing uneasy being out in the open.

"Elrohir wanted to walk with Estel to the library of doom, although we came a little early it seems. I stayed in the meantime." Glorfindel glanced at his charge. "You will be alright now?"

The twin gave a small nod.

Elrond took note of Estel's own surprise too, as the man apparently had not said anything yet. The spell broke. "Maybe you can help me convince Erestor to give me something else to read." Estel tried with a small smile.

"I-it is g-good for you," Elrohir said in a whisper.

Glorfindel bowed his head to Elrond and the elf-lord did so in turn in thanks before the golden-head took his leave.

Estel continued smiling even though Elrond could see Estel was unsure of how to continue. "Well, reading the same thing for basically the last six months tends to drive one a little insane." The human looked at the two elves, given Elrohir made no motion to start the walk.

Elrohir did look at the adolescent with tired eyes. "G-go on a-ahead…I w-will be t-there." Then he looked at his father.

Estel nodded meekly and left the two alone. Elrond waited patiently with a kind expression to see what Elrohir would do.

Elrohir struggled internally and his hands tightened around the wood of the staff. "A-ada, w-what's h-happened…"

"You are forgiven, little one." Elrond interrupted gently. "What has happened, happened. Do not beat yourself up over the past."

Elrohir pressed his lips into a thin line and bowed his head.

Elrond pulled him into a hug and Elrohir leaned into him. "I am proud of the progress you have made, my son. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for." He loosened his hold and Elrohir pulled back slightly. Despite Elrond's praise, Elrohir remained looking mildly depressed. The father knew of the cause but did not press it.

Elrohir avoided eye contact this time. "I-I s-stood on my l-leg e-earlier…W-will do it a-again l-later."

"You can observe Estel in the healing ward as I have him go for scavenger hunt later this day if you wish." Elrond hoped his son would say yes.

Elrohir considered the offer for a moment before he nodded mutely. "I-I should b-be on m-my way," he whispered the change of subject.

Elrond could see the yearning Elrohir had of not wanting to be left alone even with Estel, but he could also see Elrohir trying to fight for his own independence by not wanting to give into that desire. The father respected that. "I will meet with you this evening then."

Elrohir nodded again and withdrew completely from his sire's hold before he walked down the hall after Estel.

Elrond stood for a moment longer before he too went to go about his business. Reports concerning Dunlanding raiders in Eregion had come in that morning.

* * *

Elrohir had no idea why he did what he did just now. He continued to think about the past few days, and when he was doing his exercises, he had come to the conclusion that he owed an apology to his father at least. Maybe it was so he would feel better, to try and claim some of the responsibility that was slowly creeping back into his life, to show he can be mature…or so he knew fully that he had not hurt his father unduly.

He and Elladan had done so already when their mother sailed by their constant orc hunting when Elrond needed them most; Elrohir did not want to repeat the same mistake.

Whatever the cause was, the loneliness still persisted, and he dreaded on how he would react having to actually do something.

Estel waited for Elrohir to catch up and they walked mostly in silence. Elrohir wished it was not so, but the uncertainty radiated from the mortal. Elrohir felt bitterness return to his being and cursed fate in his head for having caused so much torment and estrangement in his life. Now he did not want to speak.

"Have you ever been to places beyond Lórien?" Estel suddenly asked.

Elrohir blinked at the question, at first nearly choosing not to answer, but that would make things worse. He put a bit of effort into removing his negativity from his voice. "T-the vales…n-not t-too far."

Estel nodded slowly. "I dug up some accounts concerning Dale recently, and since it is being rebuilt now…I do not really recall ever asking you if you have done anything in the east."

Elrohir felt his heart pain as he discerned Estel trying to avoid mentioning Elladan around him. It was a little better than mentioning him at all, though. "A-all on t-this side of m-mount-ains…"

They were at the doors to the library and Estel opened one of the doors. The mortal held one open, Elrohir walked inside before Estel followed behind. Erestor stood at his desk with one hand holding his flute, and Elrohir briefly wondered why that was there.

"Good morning, my lords." The advisor greeted kindly.

"Can I petition reading _anything_ that is not Númenor history?" Estel instantly went with his request as he went to his seat.

"Not today," Erestor replied. "You are Dúnedan yourself if you have forgotten, and we lose valuable records of your people's past rather quickly since the destruction of Arnor's kingdom. Preserving that knowledge is an important part of your people's lives."

Elrohir wanted to find amusement in Estel's grumbling but could not, too absorbed into thinking about what he was going to be assigned to do and feeling anger toward Erestor for the treatment he showed him days before, even if, Elrohir unwillingly admitted, that it was necessary. Being guilty of a murder would have been far worse.

Erestor turned his attention to the younger twin as Estel was taken care of. "Here," the green-elf requested as he walked over to another desk.

Elrohir limped over slowly enough to show his reluctance.

Erestor motioned to a couple of some rather old looking books and another that was open and completely blank. "You can pick which one you would like to transcribe. These are beginning to fall apart, and the text is fading. The lore in here is valuable for the smiths."

Elrohir recognized the journals after studying their covers. They contained some ancient knowledge from Eregion: the history of that time, techniques for those who worked at the forge or the jewel-table. He had looked at them thoroughly during his youth, having an interest in things of the Second Age…before the interest disappeared as time went on and he had been exposed to much darkness.

The twin sat down and Erestor stepped away. The requested job was not too hard nor complicated, although Elrohir felt anxious. His penmanship was not as it was before the accident yet, and why would Erestor want him to try and copy information? Was Erestor _trying_ to make sure this incident is never forgotten by having physical evidence of it?  
Elrohir felt rage boil and his hands twitched in his lap; having not even picked up the pen as his thoughts raced through a bunch of illogical and irrational ideas of why they were doing-

The sounds were soft, low, and elegant in the air. It snapped Elrohir out of his tirade and tickled his brain to the point he could feel it. Things seemed clearer and he felt like he could focus. Elrohir sought out the source, and Erestor stood next to the window playing his instrument. It was not loud, and the crisp mid tones were soothing. Elrohir glanced at Estel and also saw the same effect was on the young man.

Elrohir listened and started to think, almost drifting off. A vague memory came to the surface, and he unintentionally spoke. "Harps…"

Erestor paused in his playing and turned to the twin.

Elrohir did not mind, his voice thoughtful. "I r-remember a harp…b-back then."

"They had Lindir play below the balcony of your parents' rooms for you," Erestor supplied. "It kept you awake when nothing else would. Elrond has seen an effect on music helping other patients too."

Elrohir's brows pressed together as he considered this. He did not feel as foggy or heavy-headed when the flute was playing…and the music at the new year's celebration also kept him awake during that time before he went beyond his limit.

"I want to try and see if this may have lasting effects if I do this every day while you work," Erestor stated in a tone of request. "Even writing will keep you stimulated, and stimulation is what you need right now to heal."

Elrohir noticed Estel had stopped his own work to observe the interaction. Estel seemed anxious as he watched Elrohir, an almost pleading look in his eyes that he wanted his older brother to say yes. Elrohir bit his lip and thought about it more. Even if the sound was pleasant, the tingling was irritating and being able to focus felt strange. He did not want to be feeling that every time he came in here, preferring how he normally felt for the last few months.

But it could not hurt to try…everyone was wanting him to try. Elrohir was not too keen on repeating the events of these recent days either. It would make Elladan happy if he allowed this too.

"Y-you can…" Elrohir stated and he bowed his head.

The twin did not see the smile on Erestor's face before the laiquendë started playing again. Neither did he see Estel's look of relief either. Elrohir sat doing nothing while the elegant sounds of the flute went past his ears, and after a while, while he felt different, the tingling in his spine and head disappeared.

The twin looked at the books again, and while he was still not keen on doing it, he picked up the pen and dipped it in the ink and started writing.

* * *

 _A/N I get a feeling some of you may have wanted to see Elrohir's reactions to having Glorfindel be his alarm clock for the first morning. It didn't come out that way sadly. It might in the future though, but the focus is on Elrohir, Elladan, Elrond, and Estel of course. :P Got to keep things moving too...so, things get complicated somewhat. I hope this was good though still. Pardon any errors-I'll fix them when I am online again (and remove this part of the author note afterward)._


	30. Reflection, What-Ifs

_A/N Real life...has been happening. It mentally exhausted me, and playing Minecraft was a lot easier to do than writing. Less effort. But hey...I did it...hopefully it is good, because I stayed up late to complete this. I thought it would go one direction, but it didn't...I thought it would be sort of happy chapter, but then it ended up sad. It isn't as Elrohir centered either, so...but update better than no update, yeah?_

 _I also realized I hit an awkward time spot in this thing, with Estel's birthday. So...pardon me if it seems that his birthday is later than it should be, or that we are earlier than we ought to be. :l_

* * *

Hack, slash, smack, dodge, bang…Elladan huffed in his hate for these mangled, disgusting creatures. His blood boiled in his veins and he could not think beyond one thing: kill. It had been so long since his blade drank their life force.

 _They_ brought harm and suffering to all races. _They_ stole the lives of innocents. _They_ brought destruction on all they crossed…

 _They_ took away his _mother_.

Elladan gutted another orc and he turned savagely in search for another enemy, daring their toughest, strongest soldier to come forth and face him. Much to his disappointment, they were all dead. But he was not out of his blood-craze yet as he refused to acknowledge any other person's presence.

The half-elf walked slowly among the corpses, staring at each face as his heart pounded in his chest and his limbs shook slightly from adrenaline. The haze from his vision never lifted, and the longer he stared, he stopped abruptly as he saw the face of Arathorn. He turned away from that body and saw Celebrían: bloodied and in torment.

'No, please don't do this to me,' Elladan begged and shook his head again. He walked to the edge of the massacre, oblivious to Halbarad calling his name. The faces never left, but the last straw was when he saw Elrohir dead and mutilated with the expression of one's trust and confidence in someone having been crushed.

Elladan fell like a ragdoll and wept silently.

The half-elf did not know how long he let his heart out. He had failed to keep a few of the most important people in his life from harm. Arathorn: if he had not slaughtered so many orcs, he could have saved the man with his innate healing ability. But an elf loses the ability to save a life if they spent so much time taking them. Celebrían: if they had only heeded the signs right or went with her…they could have kept her safe.

Elrohir…

Elladan berated himself: if he had not been such an idiot in the past, said one word when the rocks were falling, Elrohir may not be suffering now.

But no, he had failed in keeping his little brother safe from harm too.

Elladan felt his shoulder be shaken, and the haze finally began to lift.

"I knew it was coming, and thank goodness that cork has finally been unplugged, but you have been at it for an hour, and we all want to leave."

Elladan lifted his head and blinked the tears away. Halbarad watched him with concern. The elf brushed his arm against his nose. "I am sorry."

"For what?" the man asked.

"Everything," Elladan whispered dejectedly. "I am sorry for my past actions, for if I had not been an orc slaughterer, your chieftain would still be alive." He cast his eyes to the ground and started speaking to no one. "I am sorry for not being wiser when I should have been…"

A long silence followed and when Elladan lifted his head, Halbarad was staring at him with a bland expression. "Are you done?"

Elladan made a face. "You are being helpful," he replied sarcastically as he stood up.

"It's my job," Halbarad answered with a shrug. "Do you feel better?"

Elladan paused to take input of his state of being. He sighed. "Yes," the elf admitted. "…But I feel like I have failed in my duty to protect my family and friends. Whenever I think things are going well, it blows up in my face." He looked around the field and noticed that most of the hunting party had gone back to the nearby village to celebrate. Elladan returned his attention to the ranger. "You are not going to let me go yet are you."

"Not yet," Halbarad answered matter-of-factly. "After the feast then you can go, but seeing some happiness for a change might help the others when you go back." The man started to walk back to his horse. "Besides, since it's the boy's birthday soon, I want to go back with you, yet I have to see some folks before then too."

Elladan sighed in resignation and followed the man. Thoughts of going back to Imladris had been overwhelming. Two days ago, he tried to go back, only for Halbarad to tackle him and haul him back to the group. It was embarrassing, but no one made a comment on it.

He could last for another night before they start their journey back…

* * *

Elrond watched as Elrohir slowly walked without any help. The elf-lord could see the lines of strain as Elrohir tried not to show any pain. The elf had a visible limp, and after the sixth step, Elrond had to catch Elrohir before his son could face plant on the hard floor.

"You have improved greatly" Elrond spoke lightly to try and lessen the bitter feelings Elrohir was bound to have for stumbling.

Elrohir only hummed grumpily as he tried to get up again. He grabbed hold of a ledge and stood shakily.

Elrond briefly looked out the window as Elrohir found his footing. They were doing Elrohir's evening exercises, though now since he had stumbled, and his somewhat-good mood was ruined, they were done for the night.

Elrond turned his gaze back to Elrohir as the twin slowly made his way to sit down in a chair. Elrohir looked tired, but it made Elrond feel some gladness to see that his son was not letting the stumble ruin the rest of the day, even if it meant being dull and apathetic for the rest of the evening.

"You have not been needing to put all your weight on the staff lately," Elrond commented to try and fill the silence.

"It's better," Elrohir agreed quietly. When more silence followed, he took the initiative to change the subject. "…I will be alright alone…Glorfindel running late is all."

Elrond nodded slowly. Ever since giving Elrohir something to do, he had been a little more social than before while he was in the library. He never talked much, but it was better than hiding away all day. Erestor has reported Elrohir helping Estel out with his studies, and Elrond one day took the time to go to the library to see Erestor playing his flute while Estel was complaining, and Elrohir was smiling in amusement toward the whole thing.

It made Elrond happy to see it and had to add to his list of things he owed to Erestor over the years, among the other lists for other people he owed.

"I will see you tomorrow," Elrond said and stepped closer to kiss Elrohir's head.

The twin closed his eyes in simple pleasure before he opened them again as Elrond was leaving. "Ada?"

Elrond turned. "Yes?"

Elrohir hesitated for a moment. "…When will Elladan come back?"

Elrond blinked. It had been little over a week since Halbarad and Elladan left the Valley. Although Elrohir managed to settle into this new routine, it was clear that he missed Elladan, and that he still did not understand _why_ Elladan left in the first place.

"I imagine soon," Elrond answered gently. "I doubt they would want to miss Estel's birthday."

Elrohir frowned at this, but he gave a resigned nod and exhaled softly.

Elrond looked a little sad at this. "Do you want me to stay?"

"No…I-" Elrohir fell silent as he became lost on what to say. In the end, he shook his head. "Goodnight, ada."

Elrond nodded. "Goodnight, Elrohir." He said as he left the suite.

Elrohir sat listening to the insects outside. Velegdal hopped over to him, but he did not give her any attention, and this of course made the bunny groan in displeasure for being denied. When she hopped onto his lap, that was when he acquiesced.

Things were fine. Improving would be a better word, he thought. Elrohir felt better knowing that his leg was finally improving, that his penmanship was not so sloppy…that he was not stuttering so much. They were good things, and his family and close friends were delighted. But Elrohir wished Elladan was there to see these accomplishments…to be proud too.

He at least could share them when his brother came back.

Elrohir sighed as weariness crept up to his mind. He set Velegdal on the floor-much to her displeasure-and stood up to change. As much as he felt fleeting pleasure for these improvements, he felt lonely.

Elrohir quietly slid into bed. Glorfindel would come by later. Not that his presence made much a difference either…

* * *

The one issue Glorfindel found with the affair was that the couches were too small. Of course, he could blame it on being too tall, but blaming inanimate objects was more entertaining. Thus, he had to resort to sleeping on the floor; something the captain was used to out in the wild, so he did not mind.

The nights in the twins' suite were uneventful. Glorfindel would try to get Elrohir to engage in conversation, though more often than not, there was no response. Recently, however, Elrohir seemed willing to listen to Glorfindel's ramblings.

It made the gold-head happy, seeing a positive change finally.

Elrohir was already asleep when he came in. Laying on the floor, Glorfindel mused. He had to admire the strength the twins showed when faced with these shaky situations. Yes, they were rough throughout and walls had been torn down in the process, but every time it happened: stronger walls were built. It tended to bring self-awareness as well…those mostly were met with displeasure, because it meant having to accept that they had flaws.

Of course, head-injuries always brought the bad forth-he did not criticize Elrohir for that: it was not his fault that he was like this. Though for Elladan: it was good for him to realize that he cannot always be the unmovable boulder that no enemy nor bad thing could break.

Every night, Glorfindel made a mental note to be ready if Elrohir ended up sleepwalking. So far, it had not happened, and as the golden-head drifted, he let his guard down. Late in the night, Glorfindel was roused by the sound of moving objects and grunting. The balrog slayer expressed bewilderment and sat up in response, and turning his head, he saw the source of the sound, and for a moment felt…well, he was not sure how to feel.

Elrohir stood at the desk rubbing the candlestick stand into the wood, eyes glazed and looking dull.

Glorfindel blinked a few times before he shook himself out of his daze of…amazement? Confusion? Uncertainty? Regardless of his emotions, the older elf stood up and approached the twin. "Have anything of insight, child?" he whispered to himself and gently took a hold of Elrohir's arm, and carefully removed the candlestick from his hand.

Elrohir did not wake up and continued making odd sounds: primarily gibberish.

Glorfindel had to fight down the thought of comparing his lord's son to that of a wight from the Barrow Downs. They were _nothing_ alike, but this was spooky. "Come on," he coaxed gently.

Elrohir stumbled meekly along, and Glorfindel had to make sure Elrohir did not wake up. He would panic, and that was something Glorfindel wanted to avoid. They eventually made to the bed, and Elrohir subconsciously must have recognized it since he went back under the covers with no help.

With the twin herded back to where he should be, Glorfindel stood there trying to wrap his head around this. He put a hand behind his head and looked back to the main chamber.

No more sleep tonight.

* * *

Elrohir woke up stiff and felt like he had not slept well at all. It made him feel slightly bitter, which was not a good way to start the day; it would end up dragging out until evening. Elrohir groaned reluctantly and wanted to go back to sleep. He did not want to go to the library…did not want to do anything. Maybe he could get out of doing it today; he had been diligent for the past week.

With that in mind, Elrohir forced himself to sit up and let the cobwebs disintegrate some more. He noticed Glorfindel reading a book in the main chamber and waited to see if his mentor would notice that he was awake finally.

Glorfindel did notice and he looked up. "Good morning, Elrohir."

Elrohir hummed in response, not bothering to conceal his disgruntled expression.

Glorfindel lifted a brow, though he was not unused to receiving this kind of greeting in the mornings, especially this early. "You are waking yourself up again, and that is good."

"No," Elrohir rubbed a hand against his head.

Glorfindel smirked. Even before the accident, Elrohir hated getting up super early. He then sobered. "You can go back to sleep if you want."

Elrohir caught the change and he frowned. "W-what happened…?"

"You sleep-walked a little last night," Glorfindel said bluntly, but not unkindly. "That may be why you are tired."

Elrohir blinked at this, and his bitterness disappeared to be replaced by embarrassment and uncertainty. He was silent for a long time as he worried with his hands. Velegdal put herself under them and he petted her. "…Did…I do anything?"

"Rubbed the candle-holder against the desk, but not much else." Glorfindel then smiled a little. "Your father and I want to think this is a sign that you are improving, since sleep-walking is a form of vivid dreaming."

Elrohir could not find any comfort in that thought: only the shame.

Glorfindel let the smile drop a little. "If it makes you feel better: I used to back in Lindon, on multiple occasions, been caught so deep in a dream: bad ones I might add, that I would walk the halls and wake up at the foot of Erestor and Tathardes' bed, and the former would then scold me before he allowed me to sit in the chair while they went back to sleep."

Elrohir looked back at Glorfindel with surprise.

Glorfindel seemed embarrassed himself, but he laughed a little. "An effect of being a new release from Mandos perhaps. It was a subconscious act most the time." He appeared pensive. "I was very insecure: since I did not want to end up failing again. Did not want to be alone, and those two were the only ones I could rely on at the time until I could find myself again."

Elrohir took this information slowly; mildly amused, but also thought-provoking. He and Elladan would always see their elders with great respect, and things like what Glorfindel shared were unthinkable. Yet, even these strong and wizened figures need help too.

Glorfindel closed the book. "Just another strange adventure with yours truly, nothing compared to marmot-town though."

Elrohir smirked despite himself, then pressed his eyebrows together as he came back to the reason why he woke up. "…I do not want to do anything today…" He said softly. "…Don't want to break the streak by going out…"

Glorfindel considered it for a moment before nodding. "I will bring it up to your father. I think you will be excused from working for the day."

Elrohir sighed gratefully and laid back down again. Velegdal assumed the position by sitting on his head.

"I will let your father know. I will see you this evening or afternoon."

Elrohir hummed again in acknowledgment, his ears picking up the near-silent footsteps of his mentor. He was left to listen to the sounds outside, and eventually, he fell asleep again, hoping this time there would be no sleep-walking.

* * *

Elrond and Gilraen were walking outdoors. The woman shared more about her recent sojourn to her people's lands, spoke some of her thoughts, and Elrond listened. The elf-lord then spoke about her son in high esteem, knowing that Gilraen was oft worried about Estel and his destiny to become king one day. It was a secret Gilraen needed to vent about, and Elrond dealt with it patiently and comforted her.

Then it was quiet, an uncomfortable one at that.

"Elrohir seems to be improving," Gilraen began slowly.

Elrond blinked, and he tried hard to not let his defenses go up. He was very well aware of Gilraen's distrust about his son being around Estel. "We are happy for him. It is another step closer to him reclaiming his life."

Gilraen hummed. "He has not been…as unstable like he was when we first came, has he?" She asked hesitantly.

Elrond stopped walking. This was one of the few times where he could not discern a person's intentions. Gilraen meant no harm by this inquiry…but it was a touchy subject, especially knowing the other individual's feelings on the matter. "Not as severe when he wanted to kill Halbarad."

Gilraen said nothing in response to that.

Elrond exhaled and turned his eyes to the woman. "You look like you are hiding something in the dark." He said softly.

Gilraen blinked and she pursed her lips to a thin line. "I mean no disrespect to you or your son. You…you have been good to me and my people." She replied meekly.

"I only want to ease your fears regarding Elrohir," Elrond said in turn. "And if you have any information of value that we do not know yet, it would help us."

Gilraen continued to hesitate, the aura of fear of how Elrond would react was palpable. It was right for her to do so, but Elrond tried with much effort to not let that stain Gilraen's own feelings of security living with a different people than her own.

"I take full blame for not allowing myself to form a better relationship with them," she admitted. "I do not know your sons well, and I am unsure of how to act or respond to someone who…is still recovering from such a blow." Gilraen paused, "I have seen the effects of a concussion on my own, but a heavier blow to an elf: from the tales that speak of your fey tempers…it unsettles me, and I fear for my own son's safety."

Elrond listened and did not answer immediately. He took a few breaths before he spoke again. "Elrohir would never harm Estel, not even if he were enraged beyond hope."

"I can believe that…and I try very hard, but…all I knew was taken away, the day the orcs came…I still dream about it." Gilraen admitted.

Elrond felt his heart soften slightly, and he looked a little compassionate, but the defensive side was still there although not shown. "Such traumatic events cannot be swept under the rug that easily…I know that all too well, and many years have been spent healing from such events."

Gilraen nodded, knowing the story of Celebrían very well.

Elrond shook his head. "But know you are safe here, as well as Estel. As far as I know…perhaps this may help Estel be prepared to face the real world when it is time; that not everything is easy, nor will life turn out the way we want."

Gilraen accepted the reassurance, and Elrond noticed her shoulders relaxed ever so subtly. But the woman was not done. "I should have mentioned it…when we came back, I heard a couple of your people ask if Elrohir would be sent to the Havens after that incident."

Elrond felt his own tension build at this news and he inhaled through his nose to keep himself calm. "I see," he said quietly.

Gilraen bowed her head. "I should be away…" She expressed true remorse. "I am sorry for bringing it up. It has been hard for you and your family, and I-"

"Peace," Elrond interrupted. "You have the right to know, as Estel has been involved since the day of the accident."

Gilraen stopped and she bowed her head. "Good morning, my lord." She said and she quickly left the area.

Elrond did not mind, and he meandered to a bench and sat down. Gossipers were bound to happen. He expected it…perhaps the attempt to keep things secret worked too well. Or they gave the impression that things were better than they actually were. Elrond would have Tathardes or the dramatic-duo investigate and listen for more rumors, but the elf-lord found himself imagining the other possibility, against his will.

It was not unheard of that some elves, or at least the family made the choice for the individual to go to the Havens after a severe head injury. Mainly because their loved ones wanted them to sail over the sea, so they could get their life back, or because Círdan's people provided things to keep the disabled engaged. Lindon was safer in comparison than Imladris, in terms of enemy activity, and that was a benefit as well.

But those cases were few in comparison to a majority of head wounds Elrond has dealt with…as well as some where evil people intentionally took the victim's ability to think from them via barbaric methods. Elrond briefly thought about a young elf, who had just reached their majority, who had his life before him: have that be taken away by orcs and left an invalid for a long time: years before he could walk again, let alone speak.

The cases that did go to the Havens: it was because they remained in a coma, paralyzed, or reduced to that of a child. Those that did not: Elrond has seen soldiers emerge from comas…and much like his son, they fought for months, sometimes years, and they were restored to their former glory.

It was things like that that made Elrond thankful for elven healing. But thinking back to Elrohir…he felt angry toward the gossipers for thinking so little of their prince. It was a blow up: a bad one, but _nothing_ they could not handle nor warrant Elrohir needing to be sent away. Besides, …it was not their choice to make whether Elrohir wanted to stay or not. He was able to make his own decisions.

Elrond sighed and rested his head in his hands, feeling his eyes moisten. He was happy that his son was making progress…but the _thought_ of it not being so and have seen people who were unable to move past a certain point, it hurt. Elrond would not have known what to do if Elrohir, or Estel, or Elladan, if _any_ of them were permanently stuck in that kind of circumstance.

Elrond did not hear the other person approach. The person stood before him, and seeing the gold and white, instantly knew it was Glorfindel.

"Come at a bad time?" The captain asked.

Elrond lifted his head up: the strain of these past months showing on his face. "Could I have done anything more?" he questioned sadly.

Glorfindel stared at his lord, becoming pensive. "You have done all you can. You have always done all that you could."

"It never feels enough…" Elrond continued. "…I always feel if there was more effort...if I did something different, things would not be this way."

Glorfindel studied the half-elf instead of answering. The Vanya shook his head and exhaled. "You have been thinking dark things again."

"Is it wrong for me to mourn?" Elrond questioned in a harder tone.

"No, it is not," Glorfindel replied lowly, looking at him in the eye. "Especially when it is clear you never had the chance to properly mourn."

Elrond stared at the air and inhaled shakily. "Elrohir?"

Glorfindel made a face at the change of topic but went along with it. "He wants a break from working today. He did not sleep restfully last night, and he does not want to spoil the day because of it."

Elrond nodded absently. "He can have it…he needs it," he spoke vaguely too.

Glorfindel placed a hand on Elrond's shoulder. The gesture was enough to make the bearer of Vilya to bow his head, close his eyes, and let his sadness out in silence.

* * *

 _A/N The other elf Elrond thought of is one of my role play characters that I did in the last days of lotro rp. The whole idea with Lindon being a healer haven was from lotro, so brief honor-memory to that I suppose. I liked my little teleri healers in the game setting. I don't know...I kind of want to write that event out at some point._

 _Yes, me being social. :p And sorry if I don't get updates out fast. :( My brain needs to recuperate, and sorry if this chapter was all over the place._

 _May life treat you all well._

 _(The feeling you get when you realize you used the wrong name for a character weeks after posting.)_


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